Title: Jonas' Journal (or 'There's a First Time for Everything)
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: Humour, Jonas/Lt. Rush
Spoilers: All of Season Six
Season/Sequel info: set during Season Six
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Summary: Jonas decides to start a Journal
Date: 24th March 2003
Author's Notes: Thanks to Sue for the beta and particularly for stopping
Jonas utter Jackisms!
The current popularity of Live Journals gave me the idea for this. I hope
you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and
Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark
infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead,
is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No
flames please.
Copyright Wendy Parkinson March 2003
JONAS' JOURNAL (or 'There's a First Time for Everything')
First Entry in my Journal.
Well, here I am... on Earth. With nothing to do. Am working hard at picking
up colloquial English though my efforts have been hampered somewhat by
Colonel O'Neill who insists he's trying to help, but whose grasp of slang
seems to be a little hazy. Must find out what sonofabitch really means...
From General Hammond's reaction I suspect "You're such a nice guy, you
remind me of that faithful dog I had when I was a kid" isn't correct.
I've read all Doctor Jackson's notes and all the mission reports but I still
haven't been assigned any particular tasks. So, in an effort to keep myself
busy, I thought I might as well start a journal. Of course, as everything I
see, do and read, and even where I live, is classified, if anyone ever read
it I'd have to shoot them. Or at least that's what Colonel O'Neill said when
I mentioned the idea to him....
Mood: Frustrated
First Time Off Base
Was torn away from the Weather Channel by Major Carter, who took me to see
the new X302, along with Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c. Major Carter says that
the hyperspace window generator wouldn't have been possible without me.
Cool. I also gave her the idea that saved Earth. Cool. Met Doctor Mackay.
Uncool.
Hope I'm using 'cool' correctly. After recent experiences, I have the
horrible feeling it just means the opposite of 'warm'. Or it might mean
something really rude....
Finally got assigned to SG1 after wearing them down with my relentless good
humour. Works every time.
Mood: Happy
First Time in Space (also First Ride in a Death Glider)
After sitting around a lot in the Tel'tac, have come to the conclusion that
Teal'c is not one of life's great conversationalists. When I mentioned the
rumours I'd heard that I was only on SG1 because Colonel O'Neill didn't want
a Russian on the team, Teal'c was non-committal... I think. It's difficult
to tell sometimes. I'm still not sure if he was joking about the alien
conspiracy...
Got very wet rerouting the power on the mother ship. Then had a ride in a
glider with Colonel O'Neill. Those things are very manoeuvrable,
particularly the way the Colonel flies them. I hope he's forgiven me for
being sick down his back....
Met a very attractive nurse in the infirmary during my post mission check
up. Will have to find out her name.
Mood: Satisfied (and still slightly queasy)
First Time on Another Continent
Visited Antarctica. Met Aiyanna who could have been an Ancient, but at the
very least was a fascinating and compassionate woman. Ultimately she gave
her life to save us. I'm not sure if under similar circumstances that I
would do the same. I hope I would.
Sadly, she died before she could cure Colonel O'Neill, so he's now with the
Tok'ra, being blended. I'm glad I'm not going to be there when he wakes up -
he is not going to be a happy camper. 'Happy Camper' is such an odd
expression. The Colonel hates camping so I don't think he'll ever be one.
I'm not sure if I'm ever going to understand Earth slang.
Nurse is called Lieutenant Rush
Mood: Sad
First Time in Oregon
Visited Oregon. When I asked her, Sam told me to wear black as it would be
nicely unobtrusive. As everyone else in Steveson were wearing light coloured
jackets, jeans and check shirts, I'm not sure she was right. I'm going to
get some sunglasses though - then I'll look really cool, just like Teal'c,
Sam and that guy from The Matrix.
Met some very strange people, who turned out to be Goa'uld. Got slapped
around by Sam while handcuffed to a chair. Insisted on a full check up when
I got back... after all, I could have had whiplash. But unfortunately,
Lieutenant Rush wasn't on duty. Now see why the Colonel calls Doctor Fraiser
a Napoleonic Powermonger. That woman is a menace with a needle.
Mood: Sore
First Time Lieutenant Rush Smiled at Me
It's hard to imagine what the Colonel went through. Tortured to death and
brought back to life over and over again. Understandably, he doesn't want to
talk about it.
Although he was quite insistent that I didn't need to, I visited Colonel
O'Neill four times a day while he was in the infirmary. Saw Lieutenant Rush
a total of six times. She smiled at me twice and said 'hi' once, then Doctor
Fraiser threw me out.
Mood: Grumpy
First Time Back in Kelowna
It's sad when a good friend is suffering like Doctor Kirin, though
fortunately he seems unaware what is happening to him. It's awful that the
very subject of his research is destroying such a brilliant mind.
Visited Doctor Kirin four times a day while he was in the infirmary. Saw
Lieutenant Rush a total of six times. She smiled at me four times and said
'hi' twice, then Doctor Fraiser threw me out.
I think I'm making progress.
Mood: Hopeful
First Time as a Prisoner of the Goa'uld
Were rescued by Doctor Felger and Doctor Coombs (a physicist and a
mathematician - Sam referred to them as geeks... must find out what that
means but I don't think it's anything good). Not sure how we're going to
live this one down, particularly if Doctor Fraiser finds out... she seems to
enjoy giving SG1, and me in particular, a hard time. To make matters worse,
I heard Doctor Felger asking the Colonel if he and Doctor Coombs qualified
for civilian gallantry medals.
For obvious reasons, have felt obliged to give the infirmary a wide berth.
Mood: Depressed
First Time I've been on a Mission with SG2
While I was on P36231 retrieving artifacts with SG2, the rest of SG1 had a
far more exciting time at the alpha site.
As Doctor Fraiser was with SG1, I took the opportunity to get a nasty paper
cut I'd sustained while cataloguing the artifacts professionally treated.
Lieutenant Rush has lovely warm hands.
Mood: Happy
First Time in a Vat of Symbiotes
Eeeww!
Enough said.
Mood: Freaked
First Time I Met Thor
I have to agree with the Colonel... it was a bad plan to let those
'journalists' on board. I did feel sorry for Miss Donovan though - there she
was, thinking she'd got the scoop of the millennium and those guys just
wanted the ship. She seemed a very honest, straightforward lady and I was
getting on famously with her until Colonel Simmonds mentioned that I was an
alien, then she went rather quiet. I think she could be prejudiced against
extra-terrestrials.
I was a little surprised when Thor appeared. He's kind of smaller and grayer
than I expected. He wants us to help the Asgard because of our inferior
technology. Not sure if we should be flattered or insulted.
Mood: Thoughtful
First Time I've Eaten Three Tubs of Ice Cream in One Go Without Being Sick.
I don't know if the Colonel made the right call - he insists it was our only
option - but I know one thing for sure - I feel as guilty as hell over what
happened to Fifth. I hope he understands and forgives us.
On return from mission, visited infirmary for an indigestion remedy.
Lieutenant Rush gave me some antacids. Doctor Fraiser offered to pump my
stomach. I'm beginning to suspect she doesn't like me.
Mood: Nauseous
First Time I've Seen Giant Yellow Caterpillars When I Was Sober
Was scanned, prodded, poked, had every orifice thoroughly inspected from all
conceivable (and some inconceivable) angles and they still couldn't find
anything wrong with me. Mainly because I was in perfect health... it was the
universe that was sick.
Had a conversation about the weather with Lieutenant Rush. Doctor Fraiser
looked like she wanted to throw me out but couldn't. Ha!
Mood: Triumphant
First Time I've Assisted in a Murder Investigation
Helped to prove that the Colonel didn't murder Senator Kinsey, though it
turned out he wasn't actually dead anyway. Teal'c and I brought in the
scientist who stole the mimic devices - Teal'c interrogated him and within
five minutes he was singing to the rooftops. I didn't like to ask what he'd
threatened the scientist with... there are some things I'd sooner not know.
Went to the infirmary to get treatment for a grazed hand sustained when I
jumped over a fence. Doctor Fraiser gave me a band-aid and told me not to be
such a big baby.... just as Lieutenant Rush walked in. Feel 'macho action
man' image may have taken a beating.
Mood: Glum
First Time Sam's Yelled at Me (for no good reason)
Had an appalling few weeks - Sam has been Little Miss Nasty Temper all the
time we were trying to get the Colonel back. She said she was upset because
it was her fault.... who does she think she's kidding? I know one thing for
sure - she wouldn't have reacted like that if it had been me or Teal'c that
was missing....
Couldn't think of any reason to visit the infirmary, even after reading a
medical dictionary.
Mood: Gloomy
First Time a Goa'uld has Made a Pass at Me
Flirted with Lieutenant Rush in the elevator. In a fit of bravado told Sam I
was going to ask Lieutenant Rush on a date, and, as Sam wouldn't do it for
me, I guess I'm going to have to go through with it.
On mission Nurrti tried to nibble my ear and offered me power beyond my
wildest dreams. She never mentioned food, beer or sex at all... I really
don't think she understands men very well.
Mood: Traumatised
First Time I've Asked Lieutenant Rush on a Date
Colonel O'Neill suggested that Thor should drop Senator Kinsey down a black
hole or at least send him to a distant planet. I generally try to see the
good in everyone, but after reading the reports, for once I'm in agreement
with the Colonel. It's a shame Thor thought he was joking.
Lieutenant Rush has said she'll have dinner with me tonight. I wonder if
MacDonald's would be a suitable place for a first date?
Mood: Excited
First Time I've Been Kissed by a Criminal
I'm glad I listened to what my mother told me - "always be suspicious of a
girl who kisses on the first date". Reynar was quite pretty.... shame she
was as bent as a corkscrew. I hope Lieutenant Rush, or Beth, as she told me
to call her, doesn't find out.
Beth has agreed to a second date but has insisted on choosing the location
herself. Wonder if it'll be Burger King?
Mood: Optimistic
First Time Teal'c's Dreamt About Me (that he's told me about)
That was weird. I've just been to visit Teal'c in the infirmary and he's
told me that while he was waiting for rescue and fighting for both his life
and Bra'tac's, he dreamt about me serving food wearing a pink frilly apron.
I'm guessing this is one of those occasional uses of humour I was warned
about.... at least, I hope it is...
Went to the movies with Beth last night. I can't remember the movie because
after five minutes we were holding hands and after ten, she was resting her
head on my shoulder. ::sigh::
Mood: Content
First Time I've Dug Up a Stargate
After having what I thought was a good idea to get us home, it was kind of
disconcerting to find out the folk on the planet thought the Stargate was a
myth. Some of them took it quite personally when we suggested otherwise. In
fact, we got shot at and held prisoner for our trouble. Worked out all right
in the end though.
Went out with Beth last night. When I took her home I walked her to her door
and kissed her goodnight. She didn't slap me... she kissed me back. Wow!
Mood: Ecstatic
First Time I've Been Able to Predict the Future
Boy, do I have a headache, but I guess that's what happens when you have
brain surgery. According to Doctor Fraiser, who finally seems to be warming
to me, the tumour has been removed, and, as far as I can tell, so has the
precognition.
Getting visions of the future was creepy, and trying to second guess
everything was a complete nightmare. I tried to prevent Sam getting hurt but
she was still badly injured in just the way I'd seen. I was more than
relieved when we realised the future wasn't preordained.
When I regained consciousness after the surgery, Beth was sitting by my bed.
When I said, "Hi," she burst into tears.
I don't usually have that effect on women.
Mood: Shocked
First Time I've Worked with a Dead Man....
...who had the nerve to accuse me of stealing his tools! That was kind of
embarrassing, though I have no idea what use they could possibly be to him
in his current... er... plane of existence.Though thinking about this does
make me wonder.... what does an ascended being *do* all day?
Daniel seemed to think that just because Anubis used to be an Ancient they
had some common ground. Unfortunately he was wrong and in the end Oma had to
'ascend' the whole population of Abydos. I would very much like to meet Oma,
who sounds fascinating. But I would prefer not having to ascend myself....
someone might steal my tools.
Last night Beth told me how scared she'd been when I had the tumour (and
that was why she'd burst into tears), then she asked me in for a coffee. She
makes great coffee...
...and her breakfasts are pretty good too.
Mood : Very, very happy.