Title: Everybody's Talking
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: Humour, S/J
Spoilers: Divide and Conquer, Window of Opportunity, Beneath the
Surface, speculation about 2010
Season/Sequel info: Fourth season, sequel to Bad Hair Day,
thirteenth in the Danny Lurks series.
Rating: PG
Content Warnings:none
Summary: Daniel has a lot of mail....
Date: 31st October 2000
Author's notes: I know it's been a while... but here's the next
one in the ever-lengthening series! Some members of samandjack
will probably recognise the first part of this as something I
posted to the list in response to the fuss about D&C a couple
of months back. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko
Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created
solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no
copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity
to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly
appreciated. No flames please.
copyright Wendy Parkinson October 2000
EVERYBODY'S TALKING
"So, where's Daniel today?" Jack asked Sam as they had
lunch together in the commissary.
"Don't know. The last time I saw him was about four hours
ago when he said he was going to read his list mails. He'd got
about a week to catch up on."
Jack grinned. "Do you think the list have found out about...
you know? And they've got so excited they're posting *a lot*?"
Sam was about to answer when she noticed Daniel stagger into the
room. He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot; his hair
dishevelled. She waved to him and he walked over and collapsed
into a chair next to Jack. He glared at Sam and Jack through
narrowed eyes. "If you two *ever* pull a stunt like that
again, warn me first, will you?"
Sam and Jack looked at each other. "They found out,"
they said in unison.
"Oh yeah, they found out! 1147 messages since Friday night!"
He took off his glasses and rubbed his hand across his face.
"They're very happy, by the way. And so am I." He
smiled at his friends as he put his glasses back on. "But
there is a problem...."
"How could there be a problem?" asked Jack. "What
we said on that mission was all they've ever dreamed of."
"It's not them, it's the newsgroup."
"What's the newsgroup?" asked Sam.
"It's a general forum that discusses our missions. There's a
lot of people over there who really aren't happy."
"Why not?" Sam was baffled.
"They say you've ruined the team dynamic."
"But we've felt like this for ages. How come finally saying
something makes a difference?" added Jack.
"They didn't see it coming. They keep saying how it's
against regulations."
"Well, tell me something I don't know!" mumbled Jack
under his breath. "For crying out loud, I said I cared more
than I should. It's not as if we did it on the briefing room
table, we just admitted our feelings. What do they want, a
military automaton with no emotions?"
"I guess..." Daniel took the coffee Sam offered him and
had a large swallow. "Oh, and they hate your hair too. But
they say because it looks fluffy it makes you fluffy and they can
no longer take you seriously as a soldier. And unlike the
samandjack list, they didn't offer to send you a hairbrush."
Jack suppressed a snort. "Fluffy? FLUFFY? I've known
fluffier piranha fish."
"That's ridiculous, it's only a haircut." Sam looked
hurt and fingered her hair. She looked thoughtful for a moment.
"What if I dye it purple and have it all spiky? That'll make
them sit up and take notice!"
"No, please don't! I'm drowning in mail as it is!"
Daniel took another swig of his coffee. "Oh there's one
thing they all agree on though...."
"What?" asked Jack curiously.
"They all hate Tok'ra Spice with a vengeance."
"Tok'ra Spice? You mean Freya?" Sam laughed.
"Yeah, Tok'ra Spice, Tok'ra Barbie, Seven of Tok'ra... Take
your pick. She's universally disliked. Mainly for her style of
dress." He glanced across at Jack. "And the list have
taken the fact that Freya likes you and Anise likes me as
incontrovertible proof that she's a symbiont short of a blending."
They all sat in silence for a moment, then Daniel continued,
"Oh, and there was something *really* weird on the newsgroup.
A guy called Brad Wright had written in and said you weren't
going to have a romance."
"Who's he?" asked Jack.
Sam frowned. "The name seems familiar."
Daniel shrugged. "Well, they've taken him seriously, anyway...
whoever he is. The list want their members to write to him saying
they're in favour of you two getting together."
"I know who he is!" Sam exclaimed, slamming her hand
down on the table making the coffee cups rattle. "Brad
Wright is the janitor who cleans the locker room!" Jack
still looked puzzled. She elaborated. "You know, the guy who's
always leaning on his mop."
The colonel nodded in recognition. "Do you think he's been
eavesdropping when we've been in there?"
"God knows," said Daniel wearily, "but I think he
could have a future in politics. His mail was so vague as to be
virtually meaningless. But everyone was happy because they saw
what they wanted to see in it."
"So, was there anything else?" asked Jack.
"Well, the list are looking forward to our next mission.
They've heard some very interesting rumours..."
Two weeks later.....
Jack breezed into Daniel's office, hands in pockets, whistling
quietly to himself. His friend was hunched over an artefact,
prodding it gently with a small knife. Nothing new there. But as
he stepped into the room what really got his attention was the
small, fluffy teddy bear sitting on top of the computer monitor.
That was strange. When had Daniel acquired a soft toy? It wasn't
really his kind of thing, Jack pondered. A gift from a girlfriend
perhaps? But who? Janet? He smiled. She had been enthusiastic in
her pursuit of the reluctant archaeologist. The teddy's eyes
seemed to follow him as he walked across the room towards Daniel.
He gave it a sideways glance and said, "So, buddy.... what's
up?"
Daniel looked up. "Analysing this," he mumbled.
Jack sighed. His friend didn't seem to be in the mood to talk.
"Anything good on the list?"
Daniel put the knife down and turned to Jack. "Yes, as a
matter of fact. Goodness only knows how they did it but the list
found out what you'd been up to in all those time loops. It was...
enlightening."
"Oh." There didn't seem much else to say under the
circumstances. He'd honestly thought his secret was safe. What
had Daniel said in one of the loops? No consequences.
"I think letting me get knocked over in the corridor was
kind of mean, Jack."
Jack shrugged. That wasn't the incident he was worried about.
"Has Sam read the mails?"
"Not yet but I'm sure she'll find out." Daniel frowned
at Jack. "What were you thinking of? Kissing her when you
know she won't remember it. It's hardly gentlemanly is it?"
"She was more than willing at the time," protested Jack.
"And we didn't contravene any regulations, I resigned every
time."
"*Every* time?"
Jack felt himself turning red. So the list hadn't worked out just
how many times he'd kissed Sam? Daniel glared at him. He felt
himself shifting uncomfortably under his friend's scrutiny. He
tried to force a smile. "Can you blame me?"
Daniel wearily shook his head. "The list speculated
something like this could have happened but they had no proof."
He picked up the knife and turned it over and over in his hands,
momentarily lost in thought, then suddenly looked up at Jack.
"They also speculated that you went a hell of a lot further
than a kiss."
"WHAT!!" Jack was outraged. "I wouldn't... I
couldn't do that to her... I want our first time to be special...
Hell, I *want* her to remember it!" He opened and closed his
mouth a couple of times, at a loss for something else to say.
"I'm going to write to Ness."
"You seriously think that will help?"
"She is the List Mom."
Their conversation was interrupted by Sam and Teal'c walking in,
both holding small fluffy toys. Sam held an unbelievably cute
pink elephant and Teal'c had a yellow duck with an improbably
orange beak balanced very carefully on his outstretched hand. The
Jaffa seemed fascinated by the toy.
Jack glanced at the teddy again, which still seemed to be
watching him, then asked the obvious question. "What's with
the menagerie, guys?"
Sam beamed at him. "Haven't you heard? The clones have had
their baby. These are gifts for the little guy."
"Yeah," added Daniel. "We're going to visit them
in the infirmary later. Want to come?"
"I guess," said Jack doubtfully. He licked his lips.
"What have they called the baby?" He really didn't want
any more 'Jacks' running around the base.
Sam and Daniel exchanged a look, but before either of them had
chance to reply, Teal'c spoke. "Martouf George."
Jack looked puzzled. "Martouf I can understand. It's a nice
way to remember him. But *George*? The general thinks the clones
are a figment of my imagination."
"Not any more, Colonel." The familiar Texan accent made
Jack swivel round towards the door. Sg1 stared at the general,
completely lost for words. "I have been corresponding with a
lovely young lady called Vanessa. She's explained a lot."
"Vanessa?" muttered Jack to Sam.
"I think he means Ness."
"Oh."
The general continued, "I'd like you all to know that I now
belong to samandjack *and* danandjan. So you won't be able to do
*anything* without me knowing about it." Hammond smiled
benevolently. Jack was reminded of the saying 'the cat that got
the cream'. He groaned inwardly. They were well and truly busted.
Hammond carried on. "Those lists are the best source of
intel I've ever come across. I've been particularly impressed by
their ability to find out about missions before you've been on
them."
Sg1 just stared at him, totally speechless.
"Well, I have to and see Wright, the janitor. He's been
receiving sack loads of mail, then reading it when he should have
been cleaning the locker room. I'll see you all at the briefing
later." The general turned to leave, then hesitated. "By
the way, if you haven't read the 'What should have happened
series' by AQ, I can thoroughly recommend them. They're most...
entertaining."
They watched the general leave then Daniel broke the
uncomfortable silence. "I've often wondered how the list
find out about missions before we've been on them."
"Yeah, weird," agreed Jack. He glanced across at the
computer, trying not to look at the teddy bear. "Anything we
should know about coming up?"
"We get our memories wiped."
"Sounds fun."
"Do we get them back?" asked Sam.
"Don't know. The rest of the posts were speculation which
ranged from Sam being with me to you two... doing an AQ scene."
Jack cleared his throat. "Who *is* AQ? I've got a bit behind
with my reading."
"She writes most entertaining stories for an adult audience,"
said Teal'c solemnly. "She is most prolific."
Daniel smiled. "Yeah, part of her sig line is 'plots are
overrated'."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "I'll have to check out the
archive."
"Have a cold shower running, sir," added Sam, then
instantly wished she hadn't said it and went bright red.
"Oh, there was something else," said Daniel. "They
seem to think you're going to marry a guy called Joe."
"I'm betting they're not pleased about that," said Jack,
who wasn't pleased about it either.
"I don't know anyone called Joe," protested Sam.
"Sure you do," said Jack, "Joe Mallozzi."
"Who?" Sam was baffled.
"He washes the dishes in the commissary." Then he added
under his breath, "I'll be keeping an eye on that guy...."