Spelling 'Jokes' etc

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  Vivian Cook
Spelling rhymes
Spelling spoofs

derived from various web-sites etc; try Google for the latest batch

                 Suicide

If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.

Cholmondely

A young man called Cholmondeley Colquhoun
Kept as a pet a babolquhoun.
His mother said, "Cholmondeley,
Do you think it quite colmondeley
To feed your babolquhoun with a spolquhoun?"

 Potato

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!

Dun Laoghaire

There was a young man from Dun Laoghaire
Who propounded an interesting thaoghaire:
That the language of Erse
Has a shortage of verse
'Cos the spelling makes poets so waoghaire.

Spelling Checker

They're know miss steaks in this newsletter cause we used special soft wear witch checks yore spelling.  It is mower or lass a weigh too verify.  How ever is can knot correct arrows inn punctuation ore usage:an it will not fined words witch are miss used butt spelled rite.  Four example; a paragraph could have mini flaws but wood bee past by the spell checker.  And it wont catch the sentence fragment which you. Their fore, the massage is that proofreading is knot eliminated, it is still berry muck reek wired.

 Potato

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!

A young lady called Psyche

There was a young lady called Psyche
Who was heard to ejaculate "Pcryche!"
For while riding her pbych
She ran over a ptych
And fell into a hedge, which was pspyche.

Researhc

(originally by G. Rawlinson at Nottingham University)

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Silent E

Tom Lehrer (link)

An Ode to the Spelling Chequer

Janet E. Byford

Prays the Lord for the spelling chequer
That came with our pea sea!
Mecca mistake and it puts you rite
Its so easy to ewes, you sea.

I never used to no, was it e before eye?
(Four sometimes its eye before e.)
But now I've discovered the quay to success
It's as simple as won, too, free!

Sew watt if you lose a letter or two,
The whirled won't come two an end!
Can't you sea? It's as plane as the knows on yore face
S. Chequer's my very best friend

I've always had trubble with letters that double
"Is it one or to S's?" I'd wine
But now, as I've tolled you this chequer is grate
And its hi thyme you got won, like mine.