Cockney Alphabet

Vivian Cook
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The 'Cockney Alphabet' defines letters in a mock Cockney accent, sometimes known as Mockney. It was most associated with the 1920s (??) music-hall comic double-act Charlie Clapham and Bill Dwyer but has been added to by many people over the years, as the range of names betray. Read it aloud and most of it will make some kind of sense. Many versions are around on the web.

A for 'orses; A for Gardner; A for a disiac

B for mutton

C for yourself; C for miles; C for Seaforth Highlanders

D for dumb; D for 'ential; D for mation; D for rent

E for brick; E for Peron, E for Adam

F for vesence; F for been had

G for crying out loud; G for police; G for get it

H for retirement; H for beauty; H for consent

I for lutin'; I for the girls; I for the engine; I for an eye

J for oranges; J for cakes

K for teria; K for restaurant

L for leather

M for sis

N for lope; N for a penny; N for a dig

O for the top; O for a drink; O for the wings of a dove

P for Ming fleas; P for a whistle; P for urinalysis

Q for everything; Q for a song, Q for flowers

R for mo; R for crown; R for Askey; R for Daley

S for you; S for Rantzen; S for Williams

T for two

U for me; U for instance; U for mystic

V for la différence; V for la France

W for quits

X for breakfast; X for the spot

Y for mistress; Y for crying out loud; Y for runts

Z for breezes; Z for fun