Stupid women jokes (sent in by visitors)

How are wives like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do women define a "50/50" relationship?
You earn the money and we’ll spend it.

How do women exercise on the beach?
By sticking out their chests and sucking in their stomachs every time they see a man.

How do you get a woman to stop biting her nails?
Make her wear shoes.

How do you keep your wife from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
She buys four dresses instead of two.

How many women does it take to tile a bathroom?
One. If you slice her very thinly.

What did God say after creating man?
I’ve run out of good ideas. Now what can I do?

What do you call a handcuffed woman?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a woman is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call a woman with half a brain?
Gifted.

What do you do with a spinster who thinks she's God's gift to men?
Exchange her.

What makes a woman think about preparing a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why do women sing when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Why do only 10% of women make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do women take twice as long as men to do the shopping?
Because they’ll never ask where anything is.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four women watching a soap.

What's a woman's definition of a romantic evening?
Non-stop chat about her.

What's a woman's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you her real name.

What's the best way to force a woman to do sit ups?
Make her do them while her favourite soap is on.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent woman?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What's the smartest thing a woman can say?
" My husband says..."

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So women can understand them.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they' don’t suffer from PMT.

Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any dumb advice.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because he was running short of brain material.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the vaginas off the smart ones.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To show her caring side.

Why do little girls whine?
Because they are practising to be women.

Why do women like smart men?
Opposites attract.

Why is it good that almost all astronauts are men?
When the crew gets lost in space, there’ll be someone to find their way home.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for women than for men?
When it's time to go back to her childhood, she's already there.

Why is it difficult to find women who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have girlfriends.