What should you give a woman who has everything?
A. A man to show her how to work it.
B. Penicillin (Submitted by Craig)

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To show how 'caring' females are. (Submitted by Kate)

Why should you never hit a woman with glasses? You should always use a brick. (Submitted by Kay)

How do you get rid of 100 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce her. (Submitted by Mike)

How do you keep a woman busy?
Put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner. (Submitted by Kev)

Beer research
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer. They then spoke without making sense, became emotional and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned.
(Submitted by Dave)

A heartwarming story of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world.
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. Several years before, she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
" Land mines," said the Kuwaiti woman.
(Submitted by Dave)

Three women are sitting naked in the sauna. they are being bitchy (being women) about who is the best secretary. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first woman presses her forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at her questioningly. "That's my pager," she says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second woman lifts her palm to her ear. When she finishes she explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third woman, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna and emerges with a piece of toilet paper extending from her rear. The others raise their eyebrows.
" I'm getting a Fax," she explains.
(Submitted by Jim)

Q: Ever see an ice-cube with a hole in it?
A: Yes, I was married to one for 20 years.
(Submitted by Dawn.)

Jokes about the Child Support Agency - all submitted by Ian:

A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Hotel where the
C.S.A. are holding a training program. More than 500 C.S.A officers are
taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands
are met, they will release one official every hour.
****************************
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of C.S.A. officers on them ... and people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on.
*********************
How many mothers receiving CSA does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, she holds the bulb and the world still revolves around her.
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Good news for all those fathers who have to deal with the CSA. You cannot
catch SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) from a CSA officer.
Apparently SARS requires a human host to infect you.