Alex Crew News

The Riddlers

Tao scores on his debut against The Dobblers, making him the leading scorer in The Riddler family.

The Art of Goal Poaching

Ever wondered what happened to the kid in the school playground whose only contribution was to get a toe to the ball as it crossed the goal line, shouts "My goal!" and then does a lap of honour in the style of Ian Rush?

Well, he's grown up and now does his goal poaching by email.

From: "Mark Tallack"
To: "ed simons"
Subject: Match report 30/11/03
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2004 09:22:19 -0000
Who scored the goal before he was "sent off"? Do you write for the Daily Express?

From: Ed Simons
To: Mark Tallack
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:07 AM
Subject: Re: Match report 30/11/03
Did you score? I thought it was Howie.
I'm prepared to admit I'm wrong this once.
Cheers,
Ed

From: "Mark Tallack"
To: "Ed Simons"
Subject: Re: Match report 30/11/03
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2004 15:20:31 -0000
They're rare but unforgettable! Thumping left foot drive from a low cross from the right.
Howie was still in his 'Cow's arse with a banjo' phase.
MT

From: "Mark Tallack"
To: "ed simons"
Subject: Urgent match report
Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2004 16:22:38 -0000
HOLD THE BACK PAGE (AGAIN)!
Oops! I think my goal may have been against the Wellcome in our 5-1 defeat! I was convinced I scored against Waggon & Horses. Same scenario though, but without the sending off. Sorry Ed. I have no real memory, just dreams...
Will the real goal scorer please stand up, please stand up.
(Not so) Slim (but quite) Shady

Champagne Supernovas Down Under

At least 50% of our goalscoring talent is living it up 22,000 miles away from Coldhams Common.

The Gaffer remains tightlipped when Ronaldinho asks him if he meant to lob the Darley Stud keeper from 40 yards out.

Jay Jay Okocha discusses how to avoid relegation dogfights with The Gaffer.