Alex Crew Match Reports - Season 2003-04These match reports were written by either players or spectators at our matches. They may or may not be an accurate reflection of the match, the only criteria for publication is a favourable mention for the web-site bloke. Long Rd 4 - 1 Alexandra Crew, 16th May 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdIt's the home straight and the Crew were ready for the final push for silverware - okay, it's for the runner's-up trophy and all we had to do was beat Long Road twice in a fortnight - but the mood was confident down the pub, we were convinced that if we all played to the best of our ability and Long Road were generous with their squad rotation then perhaps we'd be able to achieve second spot after being bottom at Christmas. All dreams of silverware were cruelly smashed when only eight brave men turned up to play (okay, there were some good excuses). A quick chat with the oppo and Olly and Long Road veteran Dave Evans were recruited to fight the good fight. The Crew were up against it right from the start having to play with a man down but defended excellently and were fortunate with a couple of offside decisions, but eventually Long Road scored from an overhead goal that was just beyond the reach of two Alex Crew defenders. Dave Evans' first controversial moment came when an attempted headed clearance looped upwards and backwards to find the Crew's keeper struggling to see the ball through the bright sunlight. A Long Road late-comer, Chris, donned the Crew's white shirt and the game was more balanced as the Crew were finally able to relieve some of the pressure by playing the ball in the opposition's half, and after a fine move up the left wing Gary Evans was able to fire the ball into the back of the sixth former's net. So things were looking alright at half time; we were level, the sun was shining and it was enjoyable stuff. On loan signing Dave Evan's cynically scythed down an attacker to prevent a one-on-one with the keeper but was adjudged quite correctly by the ref to have made clean contact with the ball - no penalty given. Mark and The Riddler were doing a good job on Long Road's star striker but he only needed one chance to score, and when he found himself in space and a clear run at goal he deftly chipped the advancing keeper. The Crew were still in with a shout as Long Road's keeper had to make a terrific save to prevent the Crew from levelling the score and Long Road threatened to argue themselves off the pitch but with twenty minutes to go an easy shot somehow bounced off the keeper's fingers and into the net. With the Crew's legs tiring, Long Road strung a whole load of passes together and scored a fourth goal and so second-spot goes to local rivals The Dobblers. Thanks to Long Road for lending us the players - especially Dave who had a great game despite his moments - and making an enjoyable game of it. Pitch report: Hard
Alexandra Crew 1-7 Quayside Albion, 25th April 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdWith The Gaffer away on a scouting trip, assistant manager Ed started preparing his squad early for the final push towards second spot and by Thursday evening had assembled a useful looking team, at least on paper. But football isn't played on paper and by Sunday morning two players were lost due to sun-stroke and horse smuggling commitments and so Tacklin' Bob was called out of early retirement and Duncan Kerr was drafted in to make his annual appearance for The Crew. The game nearly didn't go ahead due to yet another Coldhams Common pitch booking error, but there were plenty of pitches still available and so one was booked and the game was on. With The Crew struggling to get eleven players on to the pitch, we charitably agreed to Quayside being able to play all four of their substitutes - after all, they couldn't possibly be any good, could they? As usual, The Crew started rather slowly, and so there was no real cause for concern when we conceded in the first five minutes. Things started to go a bit off-script when their keeper made a suberb reflex save to turn a shot from Howie around the post and then their left winger started playing the sort of ball-tricks that you don't normally expect from the second from bottom team in the league. Quayside's dominance forced The Crew into making a number of last ditch interventions, in particular Dunc and JC did well to avert dangerous situations, but eventually Quayside found a way through the middle and their attacker beat The Crew's keeper to the ball to give them a two-nil lead at half time. Things were obviously not right at half time, but with no fresh pairs of legs to bring on, the Crew had to soldier on in the heat. After ten minutes, a Quayside shot caught Ed off his line and found the top corner of the goal, but the Crew's response to this was to finally start playing football and shortly afterwards good running and distribution from Bob on the right wing found Howie at the far post, who knocked the ball down for JC to poke into an empty net. Further good work from JC didn't quite produce the goods, but for ten minutes or so The Crew were competing again and there was a possibility that something could be reclaimed from this match, especially when Ed produced a save of such high quality that The Riddler's voice went all squeaky when he saw it. The Crew's collapse was triggered when Quayside found the top corner of the net again and shortly after The Riddler took the ball full-whack in the face. With a dazed Riddler, and Ali and Larry having run themselves into the ground, Quayside Albion could do whatever they liked, we weren't going to stop them, and it was only the final whistle that prevented the score from reaching double figures. A miserable morning, and to rub salt into the wounds, Quayside had tied the nets to the posts with elastic so tightly that it took Mark, Ed and Ali fifteen minutes to get them down. At least we only have two games against Long Rangers to end the season. Pitch report: Recently ploughed and then baked
Alexandra Crew 5-2 The Wellcome, 18th April 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdThere's only one thing more predicatable these days than the wind blowing across Coldham's Common on a Sunday morning, and that is Howie scoring four goals. This time it was The Wellcome who had to suffer at the feet of The Burn. The Alex pressurised The Wellcome defence but were caught on the break by a slick attack that left a Wellcome attacker with a simple tap-in to put them ahead. The Crew midfield, starring new boy Pat, responded by providing more cover to the defence and supplying Howie with the kind of service he thrives on. By half-time Howie had scored his hat-trick and Ali clarinetted the ball into the back of the net to provide a comfortable half time lead. The Wellcome reorganised for the second half and were harder to break down, but when their keeper started coming up for corners with half an hour to spare, The Crew could assume the points were theirs. When Howie scored his fourth, The Crew's advantage was so great that they could afford to become complacent. A well hit shot, that was instinctively saved by Ed, was a warning which was ignored, and with minutes to go the whole team thoughtfully stepped aside to allow The Wellcome to pull one back. Luckily for The Crew, there was not enough time to throw the lead away and we ended up deserved winners. Pitch report: Soft, strong and very, very long.
Alexandra Crew 4-0 Waggon And Horses, 4th April 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdA depleted Alex Crew booked themselves a place in next season's top division with an easy win over
The Waggon and Horses whilst results elsewhere keep The Crew in with a slim chance of winning this
year's championship. Howie played as a lone striker but was well supported with good player and ball
movement from midfield and was rewarded with two first-half goals - the first was a well placed shot,
the second goal came when he took the keeper by surpise to snatch the ball from the keeper's grasp and
turned it in. On-loan Marco came close to scoring and Joe attempted to With the storm weathered in the first half, The Crew could now concentrate on playing amusement arcade football. Gary shaved the post and Joe lobbed the keeper several times but once again it came down to Howie to do the business, scoring twice more to secure the result. The Waggon's most effective attacks came from wind-assisted goal kicks in the first half and Ed played superfluously in goal in the second half to ensure yet another clean sheet. Pitch report: Soft, windy.
Alexandra Crew 0-0 Chesterton Athletic Reserves, 28th March 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdThe Friendly League has never seen a result like this. For the first time ever, or at least since 1998 when the internet was invented, The Alex Crew took part in a goalless draw. The in-form Crew were playing Division 2 leaders Chesterton Athletic Reserves in what could have been an open, high scoring game but Chesterton's long ball tactics were easily dealt with by Martin and Mark in the centre of defence and Joe was on hand to clear the ball after Ed's moment of non-proficiency allowed a high bouncing ball through. The Crew's best chance of scoring in the first half came when Howie beat the keeper to the ball at speed, twisted his body round to get a decent angle, only to strike the post. The Crew were clearly suffering from the lost hour due to the start of British Summer Time, and perhaps one or two players had even spent too long in the dentist's chair the previous night and were having problems refuelling. A sick-note from The Cotton household was met with short shrift from the already grumpy Gaffer, and so Larry hauled himself from the comfort of his bed to Coldhams Common only to run the line for the first half and have the ball kicked in his nuts within moments of coming on. Little football was played in the second half, mainly due to The Crew's midfield and defence snuffing out any threat and Chesterton's over-zealous linesman raising his arm everytime the ball crossed into their half. Rob had a shot that hit the post and Mark headed a free kick off our goal line and the game looked like it to was going to die a timely death when a Crew attack was allowed to go deep into enemy territory - "THIS TIME HE WAS ONSIDE" declared the ref, dismissing his assistant's raised flag - and Howie rifled the ball into the net to end a frustrating morning's work. General hurrahs and pats on the back as the ball was placed on the centre spot and the teams lined up to resume when the ref finally consulted his assistant and awarded a free kick instead - "HE WAS OFFSIDE BY A YARD". At this point The Gaffer's grumpiness turned into fully-blown Tourette's Syndrome and he wasn't even seen in the pub for a post-match, smelly pint. Pitch report: Soft, bumpy and early. No wind.
Alexandra Crew 4-2 The Exiles, 21st March 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdAnother Sunday morning spent battling the elements on Coldhams Common was rewarded with another three points as The Alex Crew overcame a ten-man Exiles team. The Crew kicked off with the wind on their backs and spent most of the first half camped in Exiles territory. It came as no surprise then when The Exiles went ahead when Gary rashly attempted to clear the ball by drilling it across the face of his own goal, only for it to be easily diverted into the back of The Alex Crew net. This setback had a galvanising effect on the whole team, and in particular Gary who's efforts on the left of midfield helped set up a number of goalscoring opportunities from which Howie managed to claim two goals before the interval. The second half saw The Alex having to play deeper and The Exiles won a series of corners from which they always looked dangerous. With The Exiles piling men into the penalty box and launching wind-assisted in-swinging corners it was always going to be an aerial battle and eventually all five foot five of Rocky Ragtrade outleapt the Alex rearguard to put The Exiles back on level terms. Despite playing into the wind, The Alex had plenty of counter attacks and were able to provide Howie with enough chances to double his tally for the game. The Exiles resorted to springing the offside trap without realising that the absence of a linesman would hinder their chances of actually catching The Crew offside and being awarded a free kick. There were calls for offside for Howie's third goal that were turned down by the ref (and from my viewpoint in The Alex goal it must be said that Howie was clearly onside). There was no such controversary for Howie's fourth goal, but a fifth goal was disallowed when The Alex magnaminously admitted to being offside. With five minutes to go The Exiles had a one-on-one with the keeper from which Ed made two heroic saves in quick succession and Le Tallack was there to mop up the danger, saving The Crew a fraught final few minutes. In the dying moments of the game, The Exiles pushed everyone forward including the keeper for a corner. With the danger cleared all that was needed was a big hoof upfield but unfortunately Howie had strayed into the opposition and was called offside bringing the game to end. Pitch report: Windy, ravaged by rabbits.
Waggon & Horses 0-3 Alexandra Crew, 14th March 2004, League, Bottisham, Cambs, ©HowieWaggon & Horses battle against the drop suffered another body 'blow' yesterday as the 1st divison's bottom club were (literally) blown away by an in-form Alex Crew & battered by a Bottisham Gale. In conditions more suited to land-surfing than the beautiful game, it was The Crew who provided the few fleeting moments of real football in an otherwise farcial attempt to defeat hangovers, waistlines and the curse of the westwind. With JC, Barry & Gary joining the ever-growing Alex unavailable list, the 11th hour withdrawl of Marv Seabrook (parental concern) could have proved a hammer blow as the league's form team looked to extend their unbeaten run.... braced for a battle against superior numbers, a jumble sale playing strip (in the vein of an ever stylish Larry Cotton) & the infamous Bottisham 'El Nino'; the Alex prepared to 'batten down the hatches' in any sort of jersey that vaguely matched the man next door!... Just when the going got tough; there on the horizon - an unmistakable figure, a hero in white stetson, appearing like a vision in a John Wayne western... 'cometh the hour, cometh the Jenko' - The Crew were again upto compliment. To look at the table, results & match reports it's easy to see why The Waggon find themselves rooted to the foot of the table - their inability to "pop-the-question" (or, as football's very large, very orange, very bling answer to Jimmy Saville) would put it; they can't "zig-zag-to-the-onion-bag"... they're struggling for goals, & against the axis of a mean Alex defense & the slipstream of a jet fighter, the omens weren't good. The opening was understandably frantic - control was difficult, anticipation practically impossible as both sides struggled to keep the ball in play, let alone put two passes together. On 25 minutes, Ali, making a cameo appearance at full back (following a successful run as Shylock at Aylesbury Rep!), exchanged passes with Rob Hincks & cut the ball back from the byline for Burninihio to break the deadlock. The frantic patten continued & although the central pairing of Jenko & Cotton were beginning to gain an upper hand in midfield, it was another McCluskey through ball that split the Waggon defence, allowing Burninihio to double his tally & his sides advantage shortly before the break. In truth the visitors didn't look like relinquishing their lead, and an even scrappier second half, & stronger winds will be best remembered for Edmundo's goal being closed to high sided vehicles, (or was it just Edmundo being closed to high sided vehicles?) leaving the Alex cat with wind-burn as his most noteable contribution... playing solidly enough, the 'cat' had very little to do. Following a hand-full of close attempts, the visitors sealed victory in fitting manner; Grady's cross from the left evaded meaningful contact until that man McCluskey struck at the second attempt & sealed victory (though the claim of "megs" was muted). Relief all round; the crew "got in, did a job & got out" in one piece - though thoughts of training camps in La Manga sobered the mood - not even a dirty pint to celebrate - who knows where the next tabloid tale will turn up? Pitch report: Wind and slope made playing football impossible.
Darley Stud 1-1 Alexandra Crew, 7th March 2004, League, Saxon St, Suffolk, ©Mark Tallack's dadI liked your keeper. He did all the right things. Very proficient.
Darley Stud 1-1 Alexandra Crew, 7th March 2004, League, Saxon St, Suffolk, ©HowieThe 952nd meeting of league founder members Darley Stud & Alex Crew saw two of the league's most 'notable' sides battle through atrocious conditions to provide a competitive and entertaining game, leaving both satisfied with a point, though had Gaffer-Grady (who played in the very first meeting!!) converted a 75th minute penalty the Alex might have stolen all three. The Alex were again without N'to, & after last week's lay-off could be forgiven for a sluggish & erratic opening, but were fortunate not to go behind after 10 mins when Darley rattled Edmundo's cross bar, before Jimmy wasted a golden chance, shooting tamely at the 'Alex Cat' (it takes more than shooting to stop "our big cat"!!!). The visitors replied with McCluskey going closest, his shot saved from close range. In truth, the heavy surface & soap-like ball left goal-mouth incident at a minimum, though as the half wore on, the Alex became increasingly confident and began finding a semblance of rythmm, Gary Evans (Bass) & Martin Seabrook (Drums) in particular, becoming increasingly influential. All square at the interval, with the rain continuing to fall & the pitch increasingly reminiscent of the Somme; like a barrage, the game began to open up... (even if the protagonists became a little "bogged down"). Despite Darley's early territorial advantage, the Alex began to exploit the gaps. Midway thru the half, a Seabrook thru ball released Burninihio, who broke clear of the Darley defence, but a heavy touch & heavier pitch gave the keeper the opportunity to divert his effort. As the Alex, (in their true gay cavaliero style), pressed forward, the hosts finally exploited gaps at the back... a cross from the right & Darley's second half substitute found space between defence & Edmundo to head home from close range - not at all what the Alex deserved, but the reply was instant; Rob Hincks found a yard (& almost tripped over it!), his ball skidded thru to Burninihio who laid-off into the path of the on-rushing Seabrook - a clever finish to lift the ball over the keeper & restore parity. 'Marvellous Marvin' almost doubled his & his side's tally immediately when Grady's corner was nodded on by McCluskey, only for Marv to leap like a Seabass;...but his exocet-like header found its way straight into the keeper's gloves and ample midriff. Again Darley threatened, and again the Alex counter attacked - another ball into the Darley box and unpredictable bounce saw an unfortunate handball spotted by the referee, who (after a moments hesitation) pointed to the spot. Alas for the Alex, Grady's penalty was unusually tame, & saved by Darley's man-of-the-match. Relief for all at the final whistle, though a tow from the field, via Le Tallack's landrover, would probably have been the most fitting end to an enthralling game. Pitch report: Heavy duty mud.
Alexandra Crew 12-1 Athletico Genetico, 22nd February 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©HowieOn a bitter February morning, the Stadium of Wind reminded us all that there ARE better things to do than vainly try to recreate the previous day's premiership - true; the protagonists are willing, the planning meticulous, and endeavour determined, but the venue's hardly Old Trafford, the talents hardly Zidane & I for one, am no Des Lynam...! What any so-called "expert" would have made of this one, who knows? - Messr's Hanson & Lawrenson would have been left speechless... or probably just left! And how the mighty have fallen? - Once-upon-a-time, Athletico Genetico were revered and even feared... a host of international talent, scalping the best in the league but like so many great clubs; Burnley, Preston & Blackpool, the golden days have gone. As for the Alex, three changes from the side that won the Sturton Village derby, Rob Hincks in for Tao Riddler, Jocky for Gary, Gary, Gary and the 'surprising' inclusion of Larry Cotton as 'auxilary' striker... a gamble that eventually paid off. With Genetic Hesitation from the first minute, Burninihio put the Alex ahead and thoughts prematurely turned to a rout. Despite territorial dominance, the performance didn't merit it; True; conditions were appalling, but the Crew's focus & composure were non-existent. Genetico attacks were infrequent but lack-lustre defending led to an increased threat & so, from their second corner came an equalizer... A blot on the Crew's copybook, but a wake-up call to anyone who thought they simply needed to show-up. Despite the staccato performance, the Alex stepped up the work rate & speeded-up their ideas and after 30 minutes were back in front. Grady's corner dummied at the near post and Tallack made the most of the confusion from all of 6 inches out. Shortly before the interval another Grady corner caused chaos in the Genetico penalty area before Burninihio turned the ball in for 3-1 at the break, but still no sign of what was to follow. With Hincks replaced by N'to, the Crew set about underlining their dominance; Cotton 'bobbled' in a fourth and within a minute surprised everyone (and himself!) with a well-taken fifth... Genetico hearts were broken... Seabrook's scoring boots carried on from last week, adding numbers six and seven; Burninhio nipped-in with a header to snatch Marv's hat-trick and complete his own. Chances still went begging, but finally the Alex were finding the net... Edmundo relieved of his goalkeeping duties added height to the attack and scored number nine with his first touch. With N'to causing panic on the right, the route to the Genetico goal was opened up like a knife thru butter. The relief was audable as Grady grabbed his first of the season, before lobbing his second & Edmundo back-heading the ball in for his second and a startling 12 - 1 Alex win... all without playing remotely well! 3 for Burninihio, 2 for Seabass, 2 for Grady, 2 for Edmundo, 2 for Cotton & 1 for Monsieur Le Tallack - Confidence may be restored but teacher's report is bound to conclude of the performance - "could do better" Pitch report: Wind howling in straight from The Urals...
Alexandra Crew 5-0 The Dobblers, 15th February 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©HowieMartin "Merv" Seabrook was the toast of Sturton Village yesterday as his second-half brace continued The Alex Crew's league resurgence. Unbeaten since December, the Crew dominated this local derby, avenging a 5-2 defeat, way back in the early days of September, and made club (and possibly league) history to boot. From the second minute when Dobblers keeper Danny turned over a Burninihio header, The Alex's dominance was almost total, though it took until the midway point of the first half for the home side to claim an advantage; Burninihio to Seabrook, who coolly laid on debutant Tao Riddelsdell who calmly slot the hosts ahead... and so writing his name into the history books as not only the club's youngest scorer, but also claiming the distinction of appearing in the same side as his father, legendary stopper Dave "Rio" Riddelsdell...some 30 something years his senior! (the look on Dave's face as young Riddler turned away in celebration was one to behold!) As chances were made and spurned, The Alex went in at the break with a deserved 1-0 lead, though thoughts of their early season plight may have caused a few nerves to fray, though as the second half got under way, the anxious frowns were unfounded as Seabrook & the returning McCluskey dominated midfield. The Dobblers switched formation in a bid to halt the lillywhite tide, but all to no avail; on 60 minutes, Grady's pass found Burninihio, who swept a pass to the on-rushing McCluskey who unleashed an unstoppable effort into the top of the net from 20 yards. With a 2-0 lead the visitors became increasingly desperate as Alex confidence grew. After an uncharacteristically "shakey" start, Gary Evans looked calm (or is that clam?) & assured at left back while the central defensive pairing of Riddelsdell & Le Tallack looked evermore secure... "as tight as the bank of England" (& who would argue!!!!), as with 20 minutes remaining a neat move was finished with an exchange of passess before Seabrook squeezed in a shot from an acute angle. A second "Seabag" goal followed shortly after, when midfield partner McCluskey headed on Grady's corner, 'Merv-the-swerve' turned & lashed in a volley from close range. The second half introduction of Tao Riddler's youth team-mate Glyn, served to give The Alex added pace and though not finding the net, the youngster caused chaos in the Dobblers back line; indeed it was his strong run which led to a desperate tackle which diverted the ball into the path of the advancing Burninihio, who steered his 13th of the season. With games in hand, The Alex can surely set their sights on a European spot, rather than the predicted relegation dogfight. In the meantime, Sturton street bragging rights are reserved for the white half... til next season at least. Pitch report: Sticky.
Alexandra Crew 5-1 The Zebra, 18th January 2004, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©HowieAfter an uncertain & traumatic start to the campaign, plagued by doubts over the clubs future and rooted to the foot of the table, The Alex Crew continued their blistering start to 2004 with a third consecutive league win. Following the nail-biting 4-3 win at Spartak Sanger and the only slightly more convincing 3-0 defeat of third Placed Exiles, the lillywhites followed up with an impressive display against a hapless Zebra on Sunday. The early exchanges saw a combative Alex Crew midfield wrestle territorial advantage from the visitors, only to see their endeavours undone, by a moment of controversy and very much against the run of play. Often this season, such incidents have left the former champions short on confidence and bereft of idea's, but there was no sign of the problems that dogged the club before the xmas break as Howie B replied almost immediately, netting his 12th of the season with a rasping 20 yard drive. A sometimes scrappy midfield tussle was swung the way of the Crew shortly before half-time, as a Martin Seabrook through ball sprung the Zebra's "pedestrian" off-side trap, sending "Burninihio" away on the left. His curling effort, was only parried by the keeper and fell to young Zimbabwean striker N'to who "casually" slotted into an empty net. After the break, the Crew's confidence grew visably as the tireless midfield duo of Cotton & Seabrook took control and, along with the menace of winger Rob Hinks on the right, tormented and demoralized the Zebra rearguard. Gilt-edged chances were made and missed (mainly by Burninihio!) before nerves (and the result) was settled within the hour when player/coach Grady, won the ball in midfield (Yes folks, Grady!!!!), his angled pass was cleverly flicked into the path of N'to who produced another ice-cool finish - His third goal in as many appearances, further underlining genuine potential. From then on the result was never in doubt, with Mark Tallack commanding the back four, the Crew's defence looked increasingly watertight and it was more the spurned opportunities that gave cause for concern. With time running out, the Crew sealed the points and a healthier glow to their goal difference; Gary Evans exchanging passes with Grady before slotting his first of the season. Finally, in stoppage time Burninihio flicked on a near post corner, only for a luckless Zebra centre-half to plant a header into his own net. Pitch report: Less holes than our usual pitch.
Alexandra Crew 3-0 The Exiles, 11th January 2004, League, Bottisham, ©EdIt doesn't get much better than this:
Admittedly, The Exiles started the match with only nine players and when their players started going down with injuries it was decided to call an end to proceedings. But hey, three points is three points. Pitch report: Not as good as it usually is at Bottisham. Windy.
Alexandra Crew 4-3 Spartak Sanger, 4th January 2004, League, Aventis, Hauxton, ©EdThe rigorous training sessions held over the Christmas Holidays paid dividends as The Crew start off the new year with a well deserved victory over Spartak Sanger. Spartak started off stronger but The Crew always looked dangerous on the counter-attack and it was Howie who sprinted through and beat the keeper to the ball to break the deadlock. Good work from Rob Hincks, Larry and Nto created several goal-scoring opportunities with Howie extending the lead on the half-hour. Spartak pulled one back before half-time. A disputed corner lead to Spartak scoring an equaliser at the far post, but this spurred The Crew on and with Rob Hincks supplying good quality crosses from the right wing, Howie was able to claim his first hat-trick of the season. The Crew's fortunes seemed to be taking a turn for the better when Ed stretched to get the finest of finger tip touches on the ball to deflect it onto the top-side of the bar and to safety. Howie followed this up by scoring the goal that summed up his overall performance by managing to get a shot in whilst floundering on his back in the mud. It looked as though The Crew had comfortably won the match when a mazy run by the Spartak right winger was ended with the gentlest of shoves in the back from The Gaffer. Now, the award of a foul under such circumstances is entirely up to the discretion of the referee and nobody would be in a position to argue whichever way the decision was made. However, to award a penalty against The Gaffer when he's never once been seen in his own penalty box in over twelve years of playing for The Crew was the biggest miscarriage of justice since Maradona's Hand Of God incident. The subsequent penalty was thumped straight down the middle of the goal and Ed did well to dive out of the way of it. The Crew held tight for the remaining ten minutes of the match to start the New Year with a deserved victory. Pitch report: Slopes all over the place, low winter sun.
Alexandra Crew 1-5 Wellcome, 7th December 2003, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdThe Crew played their best football in the first twenty seconds of the game by which time they were a goal to the good but then failed to compete thereafter. A rasping shot and a mistake at the near post allowed The Wellcome to go in at half-time 2-1 up, and their superior pace and passing so them score three more times in the second half. All in all, this performance was the complete antithesis to the previous week's efforts. Pitch report: Okay.
Alexandra Crew 1-1 Waggon & Horses, 30th November 2003, Cup, Behind The Prince Albert, Stow-cum-Quy, ©EdA double dose of involuntary, negative telekinesis did for the Crew on this occasion. Let me explain. There you are in goal, with plenty of time on your hands, when your thoughts are distracted by the football match being played out in front of you. You notice Mark Tallack scoring a goal, commanding the game in midfield and admire yet another one of his fine tackles when the tranquility is broken by the shrillness of the referee's whistle, flashes of red cards being waved and the forthright condemnation of the said tackle as "atrocious" by the otherwise completely impartial referee. So down to ten men and the contest has evened up when you notice Howie having one of his best games for a long time when twang - there goes the Blackburn Hamstring. The Crew hang on until half-time and then re-organised with Howie in goal and Ed filling a hole somewhere. Most of the second half was spent defending The Alex goal, with heroic performances from midfield and defence, in particular The Seabass, The Riddler and Barry Evans. Nto had a couple of agonisingly close shots on goal and Howie made a fine save from Spanner towards the end of ninety minutes and it looked like The Crew were going to hang on for a well deserved victory when a shot from 20 yards out made it through the crowded penalty box and into the corner of the goal. With weary legs and heavy hearts, The Crew battled on through Golden Goal extra time and earned themselves a chance in the penalty shoot out. The Gaffer took responsibility for the first penalty and duly stuck the ball in the onion bag. The Waggon replied in turn. Both second round penalties were saved by the keepers. Martin slammed in his penalty, but all other penalties were savable and it was The Waggon keeper who managed to get the crucial hand to ball that saw the spoils of victory go to The Waggon. This was a superb performance from The Alex Crew; we started off in control of the match and looked like we were going to earn ourselves a place in the second round and then put in a determined performance once events had conspired against us. Pitch report: Cup-specialists Yeovil Town would be proud of the slope.
Alexandra Crew 0-1 The Orange House, 23rd November 2003, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdThe Orange House gained the psychological upper-hand before kick-off by a) not playing in orange, and b) doing a proper warm-up routine whilst The Crew's players were getting lost on Coldhams Common, relieving themselves of Saturday night's excess beer and spraying The Gaffer with mud. So much for the new warm-up routine discussed at the emergency extraordinary general meeting. Both teams produced some good football in the first half despite the conditions but the most impressive performance came from Crew new boy, Nto, on the right wing. Most of the goal scoring chances came from this source, with Larry and Howie going close. The heavy mud took it's toll on The Crew's ageing legs in the second half, with The Orange House having significantly more possession and territory, although goal scoring opportunities were shared equally between the teams. The Alex defence battled well and it was unfortunate that the deciding goal was scored due to a collision between an Orange House attacker, JC and Ed leaving an open goal for a second forward to tap in to. Rob, Martin and Nto had attempts on goal going narrowly wide but the game ended once again with the Crew losing when a draw would have been a fairer result. Pitch report: A quagmire.
Alexandra Crew 1-1 The Wheatsheaf, 2nd November 2003, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdAt last a chance for some sliding around in the mud. Torrential rain and wind marks the start of the wintery weather, and hopefully an improvement in form. The Crew started off positively, with Matt Costa tackling and carrying the ball well. Fifteen minutes into the game Matt tore his meniscus (probably) in a tackle and stayed down for treatment, the magic water didn't do the trick and Matt's meniscus finally gave away shortly afterwards. From being more or less in control of the match, The Crew were forced back into their own half and had to fight harder for possession. Towards the end of the first half JC swung a leg at the ball and was as surprised as anyone to see the shot bobble it's way through the crowd and into the back of the net. So a lucky goal, against the run of play, but hey, we weren't complaining. The Wheatsheaf rearranged their team for the second half and controlled the remaining 45 minutes. Attack after attack was repelled by the defence. Towards the end of the match calls for a goal were denied following a scramble from a saved shot that saw the ball hitting the underside of the cross bar and down onto the goal line. The Wheatsheaf equalised with a handful of minutes to spare but neither side were able to claim the victory in the dying minutes. Pitch report: Same pitch as last week, slightly softer, slightly sheltered from the elements.
Alexandra Crew 5-1 Darley Stud, 26th October 2003, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdOne of the top fixtures of the season was rendered rather pointless due to lack of willing participants. The ten-man Alexandra Crew versus a nine-man Darley Stud (including a stray Wellcome player) was hardly going to live up to the reputation of some of the classics of previous seasons. The game got even more unbalanced when a Darley player limped off after fifteen minutes, and so it was no surprise that the Crew were two-nil ahead at half time. The second half followed the same pattern as the first, with good passing movements from the Alex Crew and we were rewarded with three more goals - Howie completing his hat-trick, one for Martin but the pick of the bunch was a screamer (or was it a cross?) from JC. To their credit, the Darley players played well and ran hard for ninety minutes and a goal from a free-kick was what they deserved. Plus points were the return of The Gaffer to the starting eleven and at last three points in the bag. Pitch report: Rock hard, rabbits been active in six yard box.
The Dobblers 4-2 Alexandra Crew, 19th October 2003, League, Coldhams Common, Cambridge, ©EdWhen you've had your worst start to the season since the tackle from behind was banned, the last thing you want to do is play against your local rivals when they're on a winning streak but the fixture computer can be a cruel and heartless scheduler of matches, and so it was that the finest footballers south of the river Cam decamped to Coldhams Common to battle it out in the Petersfield Town Derby, part I. The Dobblers started off much more lively and forced a fine save from Ed within seconds of the kick-off and continued to apply pressure on the Alex Crew goal, but it was The Alex Crew that took the lead through Howie midway through the second half. The Crew's lead was further extended by Howie five minutes later while The Dobblers defence stood around waiting for a whistle that never blew. Was it too early to believe that our luck was finally changing for the better? You bet it was. A Dobblers attack worked the ball to the right wing and a high, curving shot sailed over the keeper and would have safely made it over the crossbar except that the stanchionless goal was leaning back just enough to keep the ball in play, a Dobbler reacted faster to the loose ball and The Dobblers were back in contention. The Dobblers finished the first half in control of the game, but The Crew's defence's were breached only once more and to be level at half time was a credit to The Crew's defense with Gary and JC making crucial headers off the line, and acrobatics from Ed. The game drifted into a state of middle-aged contentment, no longer interested in achieving further goals, happy to reflect upon it's boisterous, drama-filled youth and the stranger implications of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle when WHAM! in the fraction of a second it takes for a midlife crisis to strike, the position and velocity of the ball become simultaneously unknown for long enough to pass through the body of the keeper and then reappear stationary in the back of the net. The Alex were forced to push the game forward, but without any real penetration, and it came as no surprise when a Dobblers counter-attack left the Crew's defence exposed and they were able to extend their lead towards the end of the match. Pitch report: Rock hard, holes in six yard box.
Cambridge Cosmos 1-1 Alexandra Crew, 28th September 2003, League, St. Bede's School, Cambridge, ©JCOver 90 minutes, the shot count was 30 to 3 in favour of the Alex. New recruit Rob began promisingly but faded towards his eventual substitution. A lot of Alex's attacks came through his hard running. Our crossing was dire, but not aided by the pitch. One major plus was the fluent passing. With five spanning the midfield the use of width was lacking and the decisions to shoot too early were numerous and generally the wrong ones. The Burn received very little up front in the second half and with the game petering to a 0-0 draw the Alex guard began to drop gifting the Cosmos a free-kick on the edge of the area. Result, a poorly-hit bobbling shot that went through two or three pairs of legs and nestled in the far corner of the net. 1-0 down with 10 minutes to go. Panic stations! First, JC abandoned defensive duty to rattle off a shot which the keeper admirably deflected wide (as he had done most of the previous attacks). Then, Edmundo (playing in goal) pushed up but failed to get a connection. And as a last resort, Mark pushed himself up the left and got himself into the penalty area before unleashing a screamer which bent the crossbar and thumped down into the net. The sound of relief amongst Alex players was deafening. Seabass had one more chance to clinch victory but blazed over after arriving a moment to late to a Tacklin' Bob cross. A draw, a goal, improvement. Pitch report: A camel's arse of a pitch.
Alexandra Crew 0-5 Zebra, 14th September 2003, League, Coldham's Common, Cambridge, ©JCFirst game of the season. Our two best players in Australia. Some new blood to, er, blood. And an opposition who quite obviously had stolen our "marching chocolate". Tough start. Can't remember much about this, other than the first 10 minutes being a complete defensive shambles. It's hard to come back from 3-0 down when all three have literally been handed on a plate to the opposition. There was also a fiercely taken shot from about 25 yards back on the left hand side which grazed the underside of the crossbar before bursting the Alex net. The opportunity to rotate the team was taken by sidelined player/coach "Claudio" Grady but had little effect. The Burn hobbled off before the end and sorrows were drowned in various places afterwards. Personally, the bath seemed a good place to drown. Pitch report: Firm
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