Nimbostratus

PERSONAL INFORMATION
Real name:	Jim Waterman
Also known as:	Bassmonster Jimmer, The Hand Of Jimmer
Spawned:	27.07.1979
Degree or occupation:	Second year PhD in Organic Chemistry at Nottingham University
Rocksoc position:	Now: All-round Monster of Rock Then: Ex-general hired hand of Cambridge Rocksoc

HISTORY OF NOISE
All-time favourite bands:	Slayer, Clutch, Entombed, Orange Goblin, Judas Priest, At The Gates, The Haunted, Electric Wizard, Children Of Bodom
Current band:	None
Previous bands:	Fire & Forget (June 2000 - May 2002) Pyretta (Oct - Nov 2003)
All-time top 20 tracks:	Cathedral - Hopkins (The Witchfinder General) (From The Carnival Bizarre, 1995) Slayer - Chemical Warfare (From Haunting The Chapel, 1984) At The Gates - Slaughter Of The Soul (From Slaughter Of The Soul, 1995) Clutch - The Dragonfly (From The Elephant Riders, 1998) Paradise Lost - Enchantment (From Draconian Times, 1995) Entombed - Wreckage (From To Ride, Shoot Straight And Speak The Truth, 1997) Testament - D.N.R. (Do Not Resuscitate) (From The Gathering, 1999) Children Of Bodom - Bodom After Midnight (From Follow The Reaper, 2001) Strapping Young Lad - Far Beyond Metal (From No Sleep Til Bedtime, 1998) Electric Wizard - Dopethrone (From Dopethrone, 2000) Orange Goblin - Scorpionica (From The Big Black, 2000) Judas Priest - Painkiller (From Painkiller, 1990) Monster Magnet - Space Lord (From Powertrip, 1998) The Haunted - Chasm (From The Haunted, 1998) The Hellacopters - (Gotta Get Some Action) Now! (From Supershitty To The Max!, 1996) Arch Enemy - Bury Me An Angel (From Black Earth, 1996) Corrosion Of Conformity - Drowning In A Daydream (From Wiseblood, 1996) In Flames - Jotun (From Whoracle, 1997) Kyuss - Thumb (From Blues For The Red Sun, 1992) Napalm Death - Plague Rages (From Fear, Emptiness, Despair, 1994)
All-time top 10 albums:	Slayer - Reign In Blood (1986) At The Gates - Slaughter Of The Soul (1995) Paradise Lost - Draconian Times (1995) Clutch - The Elephant Riders (1998) Children Of Bodom - Follow The Reaper (2001) Entombed - To Ride, Shoot Straight And Speak The Truth (1997) Judas Priest - Painkiller (1990) Down - NOLA (1995) Orange Goblin - The Big Black (2000) Testament - The Gathering (1999)

INTERESTS AND IRRITATIONS
All hail:	True Metal, 80's Frash, stoner rock, real ale, Tap burgers, playing bass, throat-shredding, Wacken, Graspop, the ZX Spectrum, and to a lesser extent, other old computers and gaming systems, Rick Dangerous, cars, motor racing, Arsenal FC, Scrapheap Challenge, Blackadder, Red Dwarf, special fried rice, shredded crispy chilli beef (with chilli sauce, not hoi-sin), Yolanda's steak and kidney pie, meat (in general), lard, alcohol, caffeine, tea (John Deacon's favourite, y'know), metal, metal and metal. Plus, did I mention METAL?!
Loathed and despised:	mallcore (you probably know it as nu-metal), indie, David Gray, Coldplay, christianity, student politics, shaving, Tottenham Hotspur, vegetables, non-alcoholic beer, caffeine-free tea, Diet Coke, speed cameras (tip: avoid Nuthall Road, Arnold Road, the A6514 and the Bingham bypass if you know what's good for you), traffic wardens, the Fiat Multipla, CUSU, Graham Norton, Ruby Wax, Jamie Theakston, Chris Moyles, MTV, MTV2, MTV3 (in the inevitable event of it happening), people who make out they have trendy allergies, teenagers who think it's cool to write in aLtErNaTiNg CaSeS lIkE tHiS, or... worse still... text message language, and finally... anyone who ever expects me to work 25 hours a day, eight days a week and then there's overtime.

OTHER CYBER-HAUNTS
On other message boards:	Thrashtaculus, and formerly Solarisphere, on the Rocksoc board; Thunderwing Doomslayer on the Mental Hamster forums; selfreplicatingvirus on the Old Trent Board™; The Mighty Dopethrone on the World Of Spectrum forums, and just about everywhere else.
Websites:	For total metalness: Metal Storm For hours of gaming fun: Rick Dangerous Resurrected For a laugh: Fire & Forget fan site

ANYTHING ELSE

Quotes to live by:

"Electric Wizard rocked with a sound heavier than a beached whale taking a dump on your sandcastle." - Jon Horrocks, 08.05.1999. "All hail the mighty Dopethrone!" - Electric Wizard, 2000. "If you can't say something nice, say something offensive." - Oliver-Michael Longden, 2002. "Improvise, adapt and overcome - and when all else fails, hit it with a big hammer." - Bowser Munsen, Scrapheap Challenge series 2, 1999. "Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music." - anonymous. "That's what rock bands are supposed to do, aren't they? They're not supposed to be bloody political and environmentalists, y'know, jesus christ, don't we get everybody else doing that? Rock n' roll's supposed to take you away from the shit job you've got for an hour and a half and make you feel 100 foot tall..." - Lemmy. "We believe in rock n' roll, right? Most of these bands now don't, they believe in money. And the band getting on their tour bus with their laptop computer has no place in rock n' roll." - Lemmy, again. "All right. It's Saturday night. I have no date, a two litre bottle of Shasta, and my all-Rush mix tape. Let's rock!" - Philip J. Fry, 06.01.3002. "Shut up or I will kill you! Do you understand? Shut up or I will physically kill you!" - Mr. Buzzcut, 1994. "Thorin sits down and starts singing about gold." - the most random action ever from a text adventure character. From the Spectrum version of "The Hobbit", 1983. "You are walking past a garage, and a mechanic watches you menacingly, brandishing a very large spanner." - excerpt from "The Atlas Assignment", a Spectrum text adventure, 1985. "Excuse me, what language is that you are speaking? It appears to be bollocks!" - Victor Meldrew, 1990-something. "I'm not a fascist, I'm a priest. Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, whereas... priests... more drink!" - Father Ted Crilly, 1998. Some choice Bucket Of Muck quotes from their single reviews in Mental Hamster, March 1997: - "That isn't punk, that's just poo. If that was an ice cream flavour, that would be willies and poo." - Dani Filth on Offspring's "All I Want". - "Rubbish student music. Music to fail your A-levels to." - Stuart Anstis on Kerbdog's "Mexican Wave". And now, a list of very appropriate Simpsons quotes: - "The Blues isn't about feeling better, it's about making other people feel worse, and making a few bucks while you're at it." - Bleeding Gums Murphy, 1990, 7G06 - "Moaning Lisa" - "Alright, Brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson, 1993, 9F16, "The Front" - "Oh my god! The dead have risen and they're voting Republican!" - Bart Simpson, 1994, 2F02 - "Sideshow Bob Roberts" - "Mum, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - Lisa Simpson, 1994, 2F33 - "Another Simpsons Clip Show" - "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the booger-man or Michael Jackson." - Bart Simpson, 1995, 3F02 - "Bart Sells His Soul" - "All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo, Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad." - Homer Simpson, 1995, 3F03, "Lisa The Vegetarian" - (1) "If you don't open that door I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party!"   (2) "Sweet Enola Gay, Son! I'm going to come in there and corpse you up - corpse you up and mail you to mama!"   (3) "We'll find that headcase faster than Garfield finds lasagne!"   (4) "You know what really frosts my Kelvinator? That friutcup's probably still laughing at us from his damn hidey-hole!"          Col. Leslie Hapablap, 1995, 3F08, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" - "Trying is the first step towards failure." - Homer Simpson, 1997, 5F06, "Realty Bites"