many, many barefoot squirrel recipes
barefoot Dave’s cheap & cheerful Squirrel snack
 
Half a pound of diced squirrel meat, cheap can of any kind of beans, large tub of cheese spread,
4 or 5 strips of bacon, or a few links of sausage and a few slices of cheap white bread
 
Fry up the squirrel and drain off most of the fat. Cook the bacon (or sausage) and put aside.
Then heat the beans and cheese together adding the squirrel towards the end.
Now toast 6-8 slices of bread, pour the mix over the toast and top with crumbled bacon or sausage.
Wash it down with cheap whiskey or beer. Serves 2-4
 
This is a quick and easy brunch, lunch or dinner and you can add all sorts of extras to it to spice it up
(but why would you want to ruin a good thing?).
 
Meskimmon Squirrel Smash
 
Take a pair of gutted squirrels and put them in a pot and boil them for about 25 minutes.
Take them out of the pot and smash them vigorously against a rock (or similar) until all their
little bones are smashed to powder
Roll them in some flour and mix in some salt and pepper, and some hot sauce if you like.
Put some oil in a frying pan, and cook them until they are golden brown. Serve with "barefoot" sauce.
 
I appreciate that some readers may find this just a little bit more offensive than all the others put together but Dr. Meskimmon is from Pittsburgh & consequently cannot be held responsible for all of her actions.
 
Squirrel Nut Zippers
 
2 squirrel thighs, 2 or 3 diced leeks, a quarter of a pound of shaved almonds,
10 whole shelled almonds & half a litre of Amaretto
 
Cover bottom of pan with shaved almonds and spread the squirrel breasts on top.
Drizzle Amaretto on the remaining almonds until pasty,
then bunch the leftover shaved almonds around the breasts to form a ridge.
Place whole almonds in a zig-zag pattern between the two breasts.
Spread leeks lightly on top of the squirrel meat and drizzle more Amaretto on the whole dish.
Drink the remaining Amaretto, whilst baking the dish 275 for 50 minutes.
 
Stuffed Serial Killer (squirrel hunter) Scrotums
 
Ingredients: 12-16 de-haired scrotums - those taken from intoxicated squirrel hunters are the best,
3 lbs. cheddar, large jar of  sliced  jalapenos, a tub of the salsa of your choice,
a large onion & half a pound of butter.
 
Lightly sauté scrotums in butter and onions. Cube cheese and mix in jalapenos.
Now, stuff scrotums generously with mixture and bake at 350 degrees or until scrotums are golden brown.
Smother with salsa.
 
True, you must be absolutely blind drunk to get the first one down but then it's easy!
 
The real fun is in collecting the ingredients. In fact, I'm off to collect some right now!
 
Smokey Mountain Fried Squirrel
 
2 Squirrels, young & quartered, a quarter of a pound of flour, salt & black pepper,
4 tablespoon cooking oil, water, a medium  onion & 3 carrots, cut into quarters.
 
Mix flour, salt, and pepper, dredge meat.
Heat cooking oil over medium heat in a heavy covered pot.
Fry until golden brown. Reduce heat, add water, onions and carrots.
Cover and simmer 40 minutes.
 
Southern Style Cider Squirrels
 
4 large Squirrels or 2 rabbits, flour,  Salt and pepper, sage, rosemary, olive oil,
1 litre dry cider, butter and a small pot of double cream.
 
Skin, gut & joint the squirrels. Make sure to remove the small scent sacs from beneath the forelegs.
If these glands are not removed, a bitter taste will be imparted to the dish.
Soak the pieces for one hour in cold water to which 1 teaspoon salt has been added.
 
Remove, drain, and pat dry.
 
Roll the pieces in flour seasoned with salt, pepper, sage and rosemary.
(a branded poultry seasoning is an easy alternative).
Heat the oil in a deep pan and brown the squirrel pieces on all sides.
Add the cider, cover the pan and simmer until the meat is almost tender.
Remove the cover and continue cooking until the meat is tender and most of the liquid absorbed.
Remove the squirrel pieces and put aside to cool.
Reserve any pan liquids for the gravy.
Roll the squirrel in the seasoned flour again,
heat the butter in another skillet, and fry until golden and crisp.
Put the squirrel pieces on a heated platter, and keep warm, while you add all juices and scrapings to the skillet.
Make a paste of a tablespoon of flour and the double cream.
Pour this slowly into the pan juices, stirring constantly, until the sauce is smooth, hot, and starting to thicken.
Ladle the gravy over the squirrel pieces and serve.
 
Squirrel Fingers
 
Ingredients: Milk, Self rising flour, a Deep Fat Fryer, Squirrels, “Harmony” hairspray, a cigarette lighter
and a pump action water gun filled with LSD.
 
1: find large gathering of squirrels & shoot liberally with water gun,
2: wait for squirrels to start hallucinating,
3: set them alight using hairspray and fag-lighter
4: clean & gut squirrels, but keep only long strips of lean meat
5: cover squirrel meat in self rising flour, dip in the milk and cover again in self rising flour
6: put in deep fryer until a golden brown
 
Remember - 2 squirrels serves 1 person & a good BBQ or Honey Mustard sauce is great for dipping!
 
Exploding Squirrels - what sit & fizz & then they Pop
 
12 squirrels (lightly killed) 7 bottles of vinegar and as much Alka Seltzer as you can lay your hands on.
 
Pour the vinegar into the squirrels, put the antacids into the squirrels.
 
Run & Hide.
 
Water-Melon Surprise - Even squirrel fanciers will like this one...
 
Puncture a small hole in a large water-melon/coconut.
Then use a meat syringe or turkey baster to fill water-melon/coconut with your choice of spirit.
 
Leave for a couple of hours & then cut water-melon/coconut into generous portions & enjoy!
 
But don't share it with the squirrels. It won't stop them but you won't care!