the barefoot guide to cooking on your exhaust.
An introduction to cooking on the engine of your VW
Scroll down for recipe links.
I’m sure that everyone has at some time heard tales of people frying eggs on their bonnets, or truckers heating cans of beans on their engines. Here I will explain how to take this idea to the next stage and show you how to cook food on your engine that will be ready to eat when you arrive at your destination!
The only useful reason to cook on your car engine is to cook good food, as you can generally eat lousy food at any motorway service station or roadside cafe, but the real reason to cook on your engine is for the novelty, not because it ever has the potential to make really great cuisine.
People often ask me, ‘Doesn’t the food taste of oil or petrol?’
I’m not an expert on engines, but I know enough to be sure that the oil & petrol should be inside the engine case & carburettors respectively. I also know that if either of these are sloshing about in quantities large enough to contaminate your food, your engine is unlikely to be running long enough to cook anything anyway.
As for exhaust fumes, if they aren’t coming out of the back of the car where they are supposed to be, you won’t be in any condition to be driving it for long either.
The ‘motor chef’ is actually using one of the healthiest and tastiest methods of cookery, simmering foods in their own juices in a sealed package – En papillote, as the French have been known to say, whilst cruising the boulevards, with lunch bubbling away under the bonnet of their Citroens.
It’s not dangerous, in fact it’s safer than using a mobile phone or sat-nav. Because you actually have to stop if you want to check how your meal is doing.
It’s also considerably safer than breaking down or even changing a wheel, as you don’t get to choose where you have to do either of these.
There are a however, some serious do’s and don’ts that you must get to grips with before you start, as having to call the AA out to the M5 because your distributor is full of melted cheese is not a great idea.
The M5 is also a poor place to contract salmonella, so you really do need to pay attention.
Do; wrap everything in three layers of tin foil, no more and no less.
Don’t; Interfere with the free movement of any moving parts.
Block any intakes.
Pull on wires, hoses etc in an attempt to secure your meal.
Attend to food while the engine is still running.
Use too much liquid
Take cooking times too seriously.
And never put a can of food in the engine without holes for hot air to escape.
I take no responsibility for salmonella or other grievous stomach complaints; this is a bit of fun that sometimes turns out much better than expected!
Recipes for Steak au Van and Chicken Fridolin here shortly...