Old Parkonians 0 - 3 Old Stationers (Southern Amateur League)

Old Parks ended Saturday empty handed after a disappointing performance in this SAL League game at Oakfield. Parks gave up their immaculate show pitch for a 2nd XI Cup Final, which left them to ply their trade on a field more resembling their opponents Barnet home.

After the initial shock of not being able to predict the bounce of the ball off the surface, Parks got the ball down and attempted to play what football they could on an otherwise perfect day for the beautiful game. In the first fifteen minutes, as one sided as a Zimbabwe election, Parks showed why they were seven places above their opposition in league standings. It wasn't long before the home side started to assert more authority on the fixture, and went close on several occasions. Notably, Kuforiji hitting the bar, Knapman driving wide when through one-on-one and Jamieson hitting the keeper, when it looked like he should've scored. In a bizarre twist of fate, it was Stationers who opened the scoring to everyone's surprise, in a series of events so far fetched they will never be repeated. Nicholls clearance hit Kenny on the back, and they both left the rebound to each other. Their centre forward nipped in and produced a good save from Turner, and with the ball off the pitch (not just off, well off), he knocked it back across the goalmouth. With the ball obviously travelling away from the goal, the last member of our Marx-brother trio at the back, Bernstein, slammed it into the back of the net, for the comedy own goal of the season.

Parks went very close again on a number of occasions, and had almost all the possession in the first half. However, through a combination of poor approach play and worse finishing, the home side could not capitalise. On thirty minutes, Knapman was fouled on the edge of the Stationers' area. With the referee about to blow, he waved play on for the advantage to Parks. The ball dropped to a Stationers' defender, who punted it up field to an offside centre-forward. Fortunately for them the ref was facing the wrong way, and Harpo, Groucho and Chico were otherwise engaged. They proceeded to finish clinically with a good cross and header.

The half came and went, and it was obviously not going to get any better for Parks. As the third Stationers' goal went in - offside again, I may mention - the fixture was over and the crowd dispersed to watch Hale End 2's smash 5 past Old Bucks 2's on the aforementioned show pitch. A thoroughly depressing day was bought to a close with a power cut, no showers and the prospect of no fixture next week to be able to put it right.

Next Saturday Parks take an undeserved break for Easter.

Report by TC