29th October 2003
It's been 2 months since my last confession. In that time I have had many unclean thoughts. I have also performed many unclean actions. The unclean actions were more fun. But to be honest I kind of enjoyed the thoughts as well.

The problem is that neither the actions nor the thoughts make suitable material for a diary. Whether or not there were two girls in an amorous embrace on my bed last Saturday, while a straight couple enjoyed similar pleasures next to them, I can't write about this. There are three dangers. First is that nobody cares about what two college girls may or may not have done on my bed. Second, it might portray me as some kind of sick voyeur who gets his kicks from watching two girls kissing on his bed. Third, it might portray me as some obnoxious git who just wants to make everyone jealous by talking in public about the two clad girls who were making out on his bed.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that none of these dangers worries me in the slightest. Even my most vague acquaintance has come to conclusions two and three. As for boring other people, I am a teacher. And as any teacher will confirm, it doesn't take many classes of looking out at a sea of blank vacuous stares to have no qualms about boring people to tears. It is simply a fact of life. If I'm being paid to rabbit on about barrels of rice (if only!) for an hour, then sure as hell that's what I'm going to do.

(http://anthropic-principle.com/preprints/bradley/montonreply.doc if you reckon you're bored at work already. Though there's only one equation, and it doesn't say anything important. But I'd rather not get on to what is or isn't important.)

Here's the problem: This is meant to be about soccer isn't it? It is called "Diary of a Soccer Player". I can't shortchange the casual reader expecting to find out about "soccer" by detailing a few drunken unclean acts perpetrated by those temporarily without full control of their faculties.

So I should feel duty-bound to answer to my brief. But, and here's the twist, you'll notice I said that I "should" feel duty bound to answer to my brief. Not that I do. Because I don't. In fact I've never felt the slightest bit bound by duty in my entire life. The revelation that laid the seed of this entry however, was the realization that there's nothing wrong with that. This realization came in a discussion with the smartest philosopher professor at Stanford, shortly before two girls got it on on my bed. Morality requires that there be actions that people ought to perform, irrespective of their desires. And that is ludicrous. What you ought to do depends on who you are and what you want. Therefore, there is no such thing as morality, and you have no duties whatsoever. What my professor pointed out was that everybody who isn't completely insane agrees with this. Not just naturally evil people like me, him and Neil Palmer, but everybody.

So there it is, I am coming out as a nihilist, and encouraging you, gentle reader, to do the same and free yourself from an archaic and primitive set of beliefs. If I used lesbianism as a cheap excuse to make this entry more exciting, I apologize. But I don't really care. Partly because I really wanted to talk about the two girls in my bed. But mainly because I'm a nihilist and don't give a shit.