16th Novemebr 2003
It"s been 2 weeks since my last confession. More unclean thoughts. More
unclean acts. But most of my thoughts have been mulling over the last
entry / confession. I'm still not sure whether it was a work of pure
genius or a purile ramble. You may have noticed it didn't really go
anywhere. But it did manage to get from lesbianism to nihilism in 500
words and I think that that in itself redeems any negative features it may
have had.

If you're not convinced yet, withhold judgment a little longer;
allow me to don the chalk and mortar board, as we consider a practical
application of what was learnt last week. The moral of last fortnightÕs
tale was that we should stop being good. I realize IÕm preaching to the
choir here. But I expect that most people reading this still have some
niggling feeling that they have a reason to be morally good. ÔSurely I
have good reasons to give money to charity, be nice to my neighbours and
stop sticking pins in the neighbourhood cats? you might say. Nonsense.

The argument was explained clearly in short sentence in the last entry, so
it should be perfectly clear. It's time for an example:
I share the appartment with 3 other people. When one of them moved out a
couple of weeks ago, I and my 2 remaining co-habitees waited for the
housing office to assign a new flat-mate. Instead, we got an e-mail from
that office telling us that our new potential room-mate wanted to meet us.
Now we were rather concerned by this. Normal behaviour is to take what
you're given. Why did he want to meet us? But we politely replied that he
could stop by any time he wanted. A couple of days later we received the
following e-mail:

Hey guys,
I heard from Housing Services that you livein 13a Rains and are going to
have an opening in your apartment. I am changing apartments due to a
bad roommate situation and may move into your place. I tried to drop by
tonight to meet you, but nobody was around. I would just like to check
out the situation before I move...So, I will probably drop by sometime
this weekend. Could you let me know when you think someone will be
around? Thanks.
Patrick

By now we were more than a little concerned. A bad room-mate situation?
Either he or his room-mate was a cock. And 2:1 are not good odds. We were
very worried indeed about Patrick. In fact we had come to the conclusion
that we did not want Patrick, whoever he was, anywhere near our
appartment.

As luck would have it, that night we had a farewell soiree for our
departing room-mate. Drinks were drunk. Specifically, "forty ouncers" -
beer that costs about $2 for 40 ounces and subsequently manages to cause a
hangover before drunkeness (as well as during and after). In a fit of
enthusiasm we decided that we should get Patrick to come over and join in
the festivities to see if he would fit in. So we sent him an e-mail. But
I'm not sure the e-mail was quite as welcoming as we were hoping it would
be. So you can make up your own mind, I quote it in full:

hey patty-cakes,
we're having a forty ouncer soiree, its ghetto fabalous. you should
definitely check it out, come on over, we'll be up for a while. hope to
see you soon,
love,
the guys
ps we're not fags

We had originally signed it "the guys" and left it at that. Then someone
pointed out it might sound a bit gay, so we added the ps. About half an
hour later, someone pointed out that what we sent might sound a bit
homophobic. So we decided to remedy the situation by sending the following
e-mail:

pps if you are gay its cool

And there we were, satisfied that we had sent an invitation to join us
that could not possibly have offended anyone.
Isn't it amazing how different things look the following morning? By then,
the general consensus was that we might as well have kidnapped his dog,
killed it, then left it in his bed with ÔFuck off you anally retentive
dick-wadÕ shaved into the fur on its belly. I reckon it was calling him
patty-cakes that did it. (The e-mail may have seemed even more
inappropriate the next morning, but interestingly it was just as funny.)
And do I regret it? Of course not. Should I regret it? This is the
interesting question. And the answer is - of course not. As a result of
those couple of minutes at the computer, patty-cakes has never been heard
of again. Instead some other loser has moved in who I will tell you about
just as soon as I think of a suitably offensive nickname. But we have been
spared from patty-cakes, and patty-cakes has been spared from us. Once
again, the path of true evil has shown us the way.

Discard the primitive religion of morality, and step forward into the
light of darkness