| Match Report
Sunday November 16 was Junior Challenge cup quarter final day and the mighty Bilbao were drawn away to lower league minnows Hersham. It had the all the makings to be a cup classic with two teams from different divisions up against each other on a lumpy pitch and in conditions that were very much cold and miserable, quite similar to how my girlfriend is towards me these days!
After the quickest warm up in Bilbao history the teams lined up ready for kick off, the ref took his whistle to his mouth to start the game but was halted by fat boy Norm who was rushing onto the pitch still wiping his arse after a turbo dump just before kick off.
The game eventually kicked off and Bilbao, with several experimental changes, went about the game with their usual swagger and good football, well I did anyway! With Wilf winning everything Ross didn't in midfield, the Bilbao defence were mainly spectators for the first half hour. The new look right wing were working particularly well with Benny Heather, skinning the pony tailed ponce and their super slow left back every time he got the ball, and Phil playing in the new found right back/striker position recently invented by ladyboy lover Jenks at the beginning of the season.
With both the Bilbao strikers having stinkers, its was creative midfield talisman Ross Reynolds who had the first real attempt at goal, hitting a sweet half volley which just missed the top corner from 30 yards. Had it gone in it would of definitely been up there for goal of the season ahead of the very over rated shot into an empty net by Jenks the week before. Bilbao continued to press, with possession always breaking down when reaching the strikers but after Denny was robbed of possession again, skipper for the day Wilf, using the last of his youthful energy and every pound of weight (there's alot of that) winning back the ball and then running directly towards the Hersham goal, barging through every defender mad enough to walk out in front of Bilbao's human bus, before unleashing a lovely strike into the bottom right corner. 1-0.
Hersham were beginning to look rattled and the impressive trio of Ben, Ross and Phil creating several chance's for fatty and skinny up front, unfortunately both had crap games and their 22 goal partnership never looked like being increased. Instead it was Ross who doubled the lead with a fantastic run beating the same player twice, then his shadow, followed by a trade mark step over and blistering left foot drive from 25 yards which nestled nicely into the top corner. A large squeal and cheer came from the crowd. The squeal coming from Denny's pretty girlfriend Rachael, who decided to cheer on her ex boyfriend as Denny and his terrible haircut were giving her nothing to scream about, probably why she chose to sleep in the spare room the night before! 2-0. Bilbao increased the tempo even more and Hersham would of been on the end of a real hammering had several more chance's not gone to waste. A bit of magic from Paul Fagen set up a chance for Phil, who charged in to the area, closed his eyes and swung his normally useless left foot as hard as he could. The net bulged and Phil opened his eyes and began doing one of his well rehearsed celebrations which involves him running round like a twat and finishing off with a rolly polly in the centre circle. So 3-0 it was and our defence had hardly touched the ball, this shits too easy!
Bilbao then slipped into cruise control and began to allow Hersham a few attacks, which in turn was enough for Jonesy. After half hour of having nothing to do but eye up Phils gorgeous girlfriend Becka, Jonesy cunningly invented a groin injury, got substituted and spent the rest of the half having Becka rub it better. Unfortunately for kit boy of the week Bruce, Jonesy's sticky shorts are now in his possession!
So Macca replaced Jonesy and partnered hard working Ross in the midfield, with Wilf dropping back to admire another superb defensive display by Eddie. Hersham pressure continued until a minute from the break when Benny Heather surged down the wing and unleashed a low shot which the keeper could only parry into the path of Reynolds who some how had his first shot blocked and then missed an open goal from a yard, what a tosser! Rachael must of thought the same as she began supporting hopeless Denny again!
The first half comes to an end and the second one begins after quick team talk from Keith and a substitution, Jenks replacing Norm, who probably wished he stayed in the loo.
Bilbao's midfield continue to cause Hersham problems and win themselves an early corner, which ends up being volleyed into the net by Wilf. 4-0 the game, as a contest, was over.
So Bilbao walked through the second half with the sun being the main reason the shocking home defence was not breached again and any Hersham pressure being mopped up by impressive duo Eddie and Richard as well as right back Carl, on for Phil the tranny, ( nice eye make up mate) No mention for Wilf im afraid because after his second goal he did the same as Hershams lanky striker, nothing!
The full time whistle goes and Bilbao celebrate a win that takes them through to the semi's (not the same kind of semi Jonesy got!). Great performances from Eddie, Richard, Phil, Benny, Ross and Wilf (first half). However man of the match award goes to Tim, who washed both kits, went to training and was a terrific un used sub! Great team work Timmy, although u were run close for the award by Becka, who showed nice touch near the end of the first half!
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