Warning - the images below are graphic and are not for the squeamish.
Unfortunately, current internet technology is unable to accurately reproduce the smells. Sorry.
Wed 13th Oct 2004
After noticing a vile gassy smell (the words "sprouty", "rotting cabbage" and "sulphurous" come to mind) in the downstairs cloakroom, I tried a flush and was distressed to find that the loo was refusing to empty. I surmised that the drains were blocked and full up with "stuff". I scooped out the excess (clean) water and gave the garden a treat. While spending the evening out with friends I was worrying about what kind of sewage carnage I would come back to, but thankfully there were no nasty surprises on return.
Thurs 14th Oct 2004
Deciding on the DIY route, I bought a set of rods and some nice thick pvc gloves. Lifted the manhole covers in the garden, took one look and immediately decided that this is a job for the professionals. I would willing pay a lot of money to have someone else clear away the nasty mountain of stinky slimy excrement. Dyno-rod agreed to send someone first thing Friday morning. My shiney new rods and gloves remain shiney and new.
Fri 15th Oct
Dyno-rod was very punctual, 8 am on the dot. I was pleased to see that even the dyno-rod man was visibly
repulsed by the contents of my inspection chambers.
Lack of flow was traced downstream to an inspection
chamber in my neighbours garden. Tried to clear the drain with a high pressure jet for over 2 hours
without success.
Reported that either the main sewer was blocked or our drain pipe under the road had
collapsed. Identified that 3 houses are affected. So despite handing over a cheque that would have kept
me in beer and curry for months, I didn't get actually get my drains cleared. Not that beer and curry
have any relevance when it comes to drains well maybe a bit. (Please note, this is NOT my toilet!)
Local water board engineers turned up later
(they had been called out 2 days previously by my neighbour, but didn't turn up until today, and only
after more calls had been made expressing the urgency). They inspected the main sewer, which was clear,
and repeated the rodding and jetting. They too concluded that our pipe had collapsed. So, I logged a
claim with my buildings insurance company. I repeatedly tried unsuccessfully to arrange for the
insurance company to send round a surveyor to look at the problem. Each time, the relevant department
had not received my details and were unable to proceed.
Sat 16th Oct
The insurance company's communication channels seem to be as blocked as my drains. Again I was unable to
get a surveyor to visit.
Sun 17th Oct
Nothing ever happens on a Sunday. Not even laundry.
I am thankful that my upstairs toilet is still
delivering the goods, but keeping its use to the minimum.
Mon 18th Oct
Finally got the insurance company to schedule a surveyor to attend on Tuesday morning. Why are these
things always so difficult in this country? Good thing it's not really urgent.
Tues 19th Oct
Surveyor turned up at 10 am. Jets away at the blockage for a bit then agrees the pipe is hopelessly
blocked or broken. Either way, the road has to be excavated to make a repair. Writes his report and
sends it off from the mobile office in his van - very impressive. "A" marks the spot where the road
needs to be dug up.
Explains that it could be months
before a permit is granted to dig up the road, and we also have to wait for all 3 insurance companies
to agree to pay costs. He gets us a sludge-gulper sent round to suck out the standing "water" in the
inspection chamber so we can continue using our drains for a bit longer.
Nice chap, the sludge-gulper
man, very animated and enthusiastic about his job - with his hands gesticulating wildly, effluent was
flying off his gloves in all directions. He told us they have a name for their bigger sludge-gulper -
Monika (as in Lewinski). He sucked out the storm drain too and cleared out some roots - about 4 feet of
maloderous fibres, looking like an obese black cat in the picture.
So that's why my hedge grows so
fast. I can imagine it thinking to itself in a Homer Simpson voice "mmmmm, drains".
Wed 20th Oct
My kitchen sink is working better than it has in months. I no longer have to play "chase the froth down
the plug-hole" only to find it's come up in the drainer.
Thurs 11th Nov
No news until today. Drain specialist phoned to say that they are still waiting for people to send in their
insurance details. Nothing can happen until they do.
Fri 12th Nov
Toilets not emptying again. Need to call out the sludge gulper, but it's too late
to phone the company.
Sat 13th Nov
Drain specialists tell me they can't send out a tanker until Monday at the earliest.
Mon 15th Nov
Things are better again, so I assume that the gulper paid a visit while I was at work.
Tues 16th Nov
Get a letter from the contractors who need to dig up the road. They inform me
that they need to get a permit, and this will take up to 8 MORE WEEKS! This is insane!!!
Thurs 25th Nov
Good(ish) news. Work will commence on 13th Dec, only 2 months after the original problem was discovered. Wow! How lucky we are in this country!
Mon 13th Dec
As promised, the workmen turn up and spend most of the morning setting up 3-way traffic lights. Then proceed to drill through the concrete road. Get to a depth of about 4 feet before leaving.
Tues 14th Dec
After digging to a depth of over 9 feet, they find where the drain pipe has come off from the main sewer. Fortuanately I wasn't there when the torrent of ancient effluent was unleashed, but apparently even the seasoned workmen were ill from the smell. Left with a freely flowing river at the bottom of the hole.
Weds 15th Dec
They repair the connection and back-fill the hole after checking the rest of the pipe with a camera. The removed clay soil fills a 6-yard skip to overflowing. They top off the hole with a layer of concrete, ready for tarmac to be applied.
Thurs 16th Dec
Trafficlights and barriers are removed and tarmac applied to finish the job. I have the biggest and best patch in the street!
Thurs 23th Dec
Insurance company are asking for money, which I already paid. In fact they owe ME money, because I paid for Dynorod, and submitted the invoice as part of the claim. I have to find the old invoices and send fresh copies.
Weds 9th Feb 2005
Finally, after yet another month, a cheque arrives in the post, my money is refunded. Wooo! I feel so lucky to finally get what is rightfully mine.
The End!!!!!!