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HEADPHONE WEEKLY
The periodical for the foldback
fanatic!
Welcome to Headphone Weekly (now
incorporating "Condenser Mic Monthly" and "Phantom Power") – the
journal for those who like to work with their head jammed between two soft black muffs.
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This week "Sexy Spice" tells us what she likes to
wear in the studio, and loses the battle to keep her frock on – see below.
Plus:-
Phrases often heard in the studio (and their true
meanings).
Producer's/Engineer's Phrase
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Real Meaning
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Are the headphones OK?
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Because, by the sound of
it, you're either profoundly deaf, or I've patched the mic through to the local abattoir.
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Hang on, I'll just come in
and adjust the mic.
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Short arse.
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OK, that should track up
nicely.
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That was absolutely
appalling. Let's cover it up with another one quick, and hope it doesn't sound as bad.
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Hang on, I'll just come in
and adjust the mic.
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It seems that your
halitosis is melting the capsule.
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Actually, we're getting a bit
short on tracks.
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I can't take this much
longer.
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Hang on, I'll just come in
and adjust the mic.
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Because I can still hear
you.
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Come and have a listen.
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It's crap.
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Sounds good to me.
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It's crap (and it's
getting late).
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Is it a bit 'vibby'?
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You sound like a pub
singer.
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Hang on, I'll just put the
pad in.
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You are a pub singer.
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OK, that sounds really good.
Let's go for one.
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I've wiped it.
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Pretty good! Just a few bits
and bobs though. Shall we go straight for another?
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I've wiped it.
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Hang on, I'm just going to
try a bit of processing.
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Now where did I put that
Antares Auto-Tune?
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Yeah, sounds great - nice and
bright.
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It's nearly a tone sharp
in places.
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Yeah, sounds great - nice and
in-tune.
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But unfortunately, not
with this song.
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Just bear with me a couple of
minutes.
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I'm off to the pub.
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I think we should come back
to this in the morning, with fresh ears.
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It's my day off tomorrow.
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"Sigh," says "Sexy Spice" Geri,
"If only I had a decent pair – of Beyer DT100s that is!"
Formulae Sound's QUE 4 "PSYCHE" Yes at last,
ganglion implants for the on-mike performer. No more disintigrating headphone muffs,
twisted wires or unsightly macassar stains. Now, following a simple out-patient procedure
(See page 3 for special rates for subscribers), you can plug directly into microscopic
cochleal implants, imparting pure sound energy to the cerebral cortex. Marvellous.
And of course it opens up great vistas of possibilities in the field of audio discipline.
 | X Files' Gillian Anderson showing us how Skully looks in nothing but
a pair of Quad Electrostatics – flat response? We think not! |
| At last, a solution to that annoying phenomenon of standing on one's
own wire, and yanking your cans off with alarming force. "The Gimlet" is
available as a retro-fit kit, so the next time you give your wire a good tug, it will
plunge a couple of TCT spikes through both temples – a pointed reminder not
to do it again. |
| Late breaking news: Isopropyl Alchohol found to have amazing hair
restorative properties after com. prods. man sprouts curious mouth and throat hair. |
SMB
In the next bumper "big dB" issue of Headphone Weekly,
don't miss Bay Watch temptress Pamela Anderson wearing nothing but a moody smile and a
pair of DT 100's!! She explains why size is important when it comes to a punchy bottom!
Plus "Audio Discipline". Soho may be the centre of the UK recording industry,
but what of the many uses of leader tape, in the right hands does leather leader tape
really make for sonic purity? Or just nasty burns and difficult questions?
All this, plus big colour pictures of transistors, and their values, in the next issue of
Headphone Weekly. Another quality "Top Shelf" publication.
Don't miss it
BK
Note From The Editor:
We, here at HW, are always on the lookout for hot copy with a
foldback flavour, so please e-mail me with any contributions, and help raise the worldwide
standard for in-ear appliances.
Please send any contributions to: steve@stevebutlervocals.co.uk
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