Woodborough United: A seasons review, by Chris Bovey, 28

Another season has come and gone

And once more we’re round this table,

And in just a couple of hours we’ll be walking round

And we’ll all be rather unstable

Now things have changed quite a lot this year

We’ve had 2 gaffers for a start,

But one thing I can tell you for sure

Is that they both have plenty of heart

The season began with the owl in charge

And he was attempting to regain the double,

But then came the nod from big Lloydo

“You’re moving to London son, work hard & stay out of trouble

The move came fast and Nick moved south

Shredall were going nationwide,

But the Owl got more press for his social antics

Leaving poor Canny lying on his side

So the mantle was there to be taken

A new man was needed with clout,

Eventually this man stepped forward

When he finally got all his words out!

This man was of course Mark Beeby

And things started well for the lad,

We destroyed some good teams in the cups

And the scalp of Calvo was had

We also had a couple of new signings

And a lot of our old friends back,

Holly returned from his travels

And Canny from Calvo joined the pack

We also signed some blonde bird

And McGill came back on his boat,

And there were 2 Calvo lads as well

Ode Wesson, and a bong eye they call sicknote

The season carried on progressing

But the month of December became a curse,

Holidays, injuries and a loss of form

To be fair it couldn’t get worse

Bodders faigned a knee injury

So he could baby-sit with Becky in his jumper,

And then Trev suddenly got injured too

But he was required as an oompa lumpa

So injury after injury occurred

Leaving us very short at the back,

Even BB made a guest appearance

Very nearly exposing his sack

You see, he ran back chasing the Bilsthorpe attacker

And he stumbled and began to fall,

A superman dive then followed

His shorts fell down, his pants exposed and we all began to bawl

Then came the cup semi final

The turning point was here and we all knew it was the one,

We all desired some more silverware

Even Sean’s ankle injury had miraculously gone

In the end the game was easy

6-1 was the final score,

The Boro were in the final once more

And Ricki is a dinosaur an his mum is still a whore

Our league form still went up and down

But we now knew it was out of reach,

And I upped and left you to it

As I spent my days on the beach

The season was now about Dunkirk

The chance to defend our cup,

We knew we could win it again

And then lots of beer we would sup

A few players missing and playing out of position

It would be strange for Woody to moan,

But a 50/50 chance for us all

To see how much we’d grown

A 2^nd half with great defending

After a 1^st half brace from the primate himself,

Ricki man got to lift the trophy

Putting it firmly back on the Nags Head shelf

So 2 cups in 2 years isn’t bad

We went to Dunkirk and we won it twice,

But next season is the ultimate goal

To try and win it thrice

In short another good season

With all that we’ve endured

We’ve again all had a good laugh

And lots of goals have been scored

So now its time for the thank you’s

For the people that really matter,

Not like the twat from FIFA

The bald one they call Sepp Blatter

Firstly to the gaffer Mark BB

A cup in you very first season

It’s hard to pick and drop you mates

Even harder to give them a reason

But well done mate you’ve done very well

In the league we’ve got a top scorer,

But please come next January

Don’t fuck off for a shag in Andorra

Secondly to Mr Woodborough

Steve Thompson you are a saviour,

White lining, shit scooping and everything else

But tonight its time for some drunken behaviour

Finally to you lot, the team and the fans

We all do it for the love of the club,

Kit washing, money collecting and man of the match,

The beer and of course all this grub

Which brings me onto the landlord

The man who helped made it possible tonight

Thanks for all you’ve done again this year

I don’t believe the rumours you’re tight!

So this brings me onto one last thing

The future of boro next season,

You all need to sign and fly the flag

For this there should be no reason

So can I ask you all to grab your drink

Raise it high in your hand that is your right,

Here’s to the mighty Woodborough United

Now lets all get boshed tonight!