Hello all you Fantanamanamaniacs.

Welcome to a BUMPER Captain's Corner.  There has been a delay since I last spoke out. I know the people want to know "What's happened to Captain Maske?"  I've seen the sick look of worry on the faces of the kiddies, as they perused the pictures of my Surgery Special.  The suspense has built up!!! The anticipation is buzzing on all frequencies of the spectrum!!  But the wait is over!!  Captain Maske is pleased to say.......HE IS BACK...........well, in a literary role anyway.

The bad news is folks, after a slow recovery from the monstrous gash suffered at the hands (or feet) of the Astra Captain, I will be out until the first game of the new year.  

It's been a highly frustrating time for me, I have to admit.  Being without the beautiful game has been like living without oxygen,  and I can't wait to pull on the Green number 10 shirt once more.  Personal anguish aside, the boys have continued to play the Fantana way, and with a couple of games left before Christmas, we find ourselves in a healthy position, in the league and cup.  I lie awake at night, dreaming of lifting the cup at the end of the season, after a Leiter 25 yard toe punt special, with the keeper doing his laces up.

I hear there were some great performances against Innercity, and It's nice to know that I'll have a fight on my hands to oust a player from a spot in the first team.

Young charge Chris Tilbury took the Captains armband in my absence.  It's good to see him rising to the occasion on all fronts, and he really is learning from the best.  I hear he put in a fantastic triple header at local nightclub Faces this weekend.  Thursday, Friday and Saturday, narrowly missing out on the incredible quadruple set by Team Cunt on several occasions.  Not only that, but as you can see below, I joined him in a photograph as he wooed a stunning blonde bombshell.

A couple of Fridays ago, I joined Russell, Dave Sack, Rikki, Dizzy, and Simon in a mammoth night out. We turnt a quiet night at a local haunt into a carnival-esque occasion.  The drinks flowed, and we partied the night away with many Racing fans.  Local businessman Abu Ahmed Hamza had this to say.  "I was standing in the the foyet of my Hotel, The Family Hotel in Gants Hill, when I was being greeted by some the biggest names in the ESCL".  I am informed by a colleague, that the facilities were excellent.

This weekend, several senior members of the squad face up to a daunting challenge.  We are going for "deipno" at the "spiti" of Pedonomou.  Translated, that means we are going to dinner at the house of "The Greek Scuffer".   I was expecting some traditional Greek cuisine, but I am told that we are getting Carla's leftover Bolognaise.  I have told him politely that I don't eat Mince meat. 

As always, Captain Maske has received bundles of fan mail.  As you know, I can't fit them all on here, but here is a small selection.

Chris,
I've had a wee problem and my captain has left me in the lurch, and I need a new centre midfielder. I was just wondering if you are available to play Saturday afternoons.

Alex, Manchester

Hi Alex,
I did hear through the grapevine that you had some difficulties.  Unfortunately, I am contracted to Alnwick FC, and am quite content to be 8 points clear on top of  The Southern Essex Combination Senior Division.  We'll be picking up silverware this season.   You probably won't....  And away ties in Europe just aren't that appealing.

Dear Captain,
I know you have been involved in football for quite a long time, and know a lot of the big names. Did you ever get to meet George Best, and what are your memories of him?

Trevor, Sunderland

Hi Trevor,
Unfortunately, our Careers didn't overlap, and I have never met the great man.  I have met his son, as he is a regular on the party circuit. In fact I dated a girl that he packed in.  So there you go.....Six degrees of seperation.....Try Three....

El Capitan,
Do you have any opinions on the wild social antics of Darren "Party Boy" Salmon?
Edward, London

Hi Edward,
I think it's fair to say that most of the lads in the side have had a go at the playboy lifestyle.  With the exception maybe of the gaffer who has been happily married since he did his GCSE's. 

The BDBS reached a crossroads where he had to choose between football and La Vida Loca.   That crossroads was somewhere at the peak of the gruelling Hainault Forest run.  Once he had vomited at the top there was only one way he was going to go.  Down......literally, it's downhill all the way to the car park.

Dear Chris,
Is it true you are friends with some players from Woodford Hammers. Can you elaborate as to how you know these 'rivals'?

Susan, Scotland

Hi Susan,
I watched many of the Woodford players develop from Youth Team level at Hale End, whilst I was playing for the First team.  Several of them made the first team in time, and the rest made up the core of the reserves.  There is no doubt that they can be a tasty side on their day.  Unfortunately, I think they sometimes lack the commitment to the cause.  On Sunday I bumped into one of their team shopping in Bluewater with his Girlfriend whilst they were being knocked out of the cup.  They could be a threat in the league though.

Chris,
Are there any plans for a Christmas Party for the club? Or has the ruthless gaffer banned all celebrations of the birth of Christ?

Albert, Peterborough

Hi Albert,
There will be some form of Xmas party.  We are offering one lucky fan the chance to join us, all expenses paid, for the evening.  We'll be eating the finest cuisine.....at Red Dragon "all you can eat for a £20".  Followed by a chauffeur driven van to Faces in Hoddesdon.  I hear the Red Dragon have brought in more chicken Chow Mein for Mr. Field.

Captain,
What are your thoughts on the season so far, as we approach the half way stage?
Michael, Durham

It's been a roaring success so far.  Who would have thought that we would be challenging on all fronts in our first season. I can't wait to recover and get back in the fold, and continue our assault on the silverware. After 3 wins in the Essex Senior Cup, I never thought I would have the chance to compete for the prestigious Bill Nolan Memorial trophy. 

I've had a great response to my great goals compilation. So hear we go again.

Number 3  - 11th Waltham Forest Vs 5th Waltham Forest

Playing for the Boys Brigade was always great fun.  We would go through the season hammering teams with cricket scorelines with the whole season being about our three games aginst the 9th, in the league and cup.  There was always some showboating, over-elaborating, and great goals. It was great to be considered the finest player in the league at just 15 when playing against much older lads.

The first goal that springs to mind, was something that little bit more special though.  In a 12-0 demolition on our home pitch at McCentie School in Walthamstow, I shocked the crowds with a spectacular goal just after the break.  In fact....it was from the kick off.  Rikki Prati rolled the ball to me, and I hit an absolute belter into the top corner of the net from the half way line.  The goalkeeper, standing at a pretty respectable 4ft 11, never smelt it.  And if he didn't he probably wouldn't have had time to get on his step ladder.

Ah, the memories.
Thats it from me for now.  I'm off to Tenerife this Friday for the final stages of recouperation.....and a 9 day stag do!!

Speak soon.

La Maske

El Capitan