'E weren't asked t' do much, were young Jacky Brown,
cos 'e'd forget what it were like as not.
But 'is mam were behind wi' peelin' the spuds,
so she asked 'im t' pop t' the shop.
She said. "Nip down t' Daisy's for a treat for yer dad,
there's a rush job, so 'e's gotta work late.
'E's not 'ad a fag for a couple o' days,
get some, - Golden - - Virginia - - Flake."
Jack looked at 'er blank, an' jus' said. "Yer what?"
She said . "What part do yer not understand?"
She said. "Golden - - Virginia - - Flake for yer dad,"
an' she wrote it on t' palm of 'is 'and.
Well, 'e'd jus' got on t' street, an' t' lad'd forgot,
'e'd an 'ead like a sieve full of 'oles.
'E shouted out to 'is mates, who were kickin' a ball,
"Can I play?" They said, "yeah yer in t' goals."
They'd played for an 'our, it could o' been more,
when 'e noticed the words on 'is palm.
"Oh no." Jacky said, "it went right out me 'ead,
I should be goin' t' shop for me mam."
Now, wi' catchin' the ball, bein' goalie an' all,
some o' t' words 'ad sort o' wore out.
But Jack 'adn't sussed, an' the lads they jus' cussed,
cos 'is side were winnin', three nowt.
'E ran into the shop, an 'e 'eld out 'is 'and,
'e said. "I need this for me dad, can yer see?"
She said. " 'Ang on a sec', while I put on me specs,
are yer sure?" 'E said, "Yeah, it's for after 'is tea."
"A virgin?" She said, shakin' 'er 'ead,
"yer won't find many o' them sort round 'ere.
There might be one slightly used." Jack looked right confused,
yer could tell, cos 'e looked at 'er queer.
She sez. "I'll ask Tom, see if 'e knows o' one.
Tommy!" She shouted out t' back.
"The lad wants a virgin for 'is dad after tea."
"Don't we all?" Tommy said t' young Jack.
Tom thought for a mo', 'e said. "Well maybe there's Flo",
then 'e smiled, 'e said, "no she won't do."
Daisy said, " 'ow do yer know? She lives on 'er own,"
'e said. "We were courtin' before I met you."
Then Tom sez t' Jack. "If yer nip out the back,
turn left onto Ripponden Road
There's an 'ouse painted blue, I think she might do,
but I'm tellin' yer now lad, she's old."
Daisy said. "I know who yer mean, I think she's called Jean,
bald 'ead, two sticks an' no teeth.
Tom sez. "Aye that's the one, but 'e'd better crack on,
they 'ad a whip round las' week for a wreath."
So Jack knocked on the door. "Who is it?" Jean said,
"I've jus' put me eye in a glass."
"I need a virgin." Jack said. 'E were knocked off 'is legs,
as Jean made a bit of a dash.
"Who wants me?" She said, puttin' 'er eye in 'er 'ead.
"It's me dad, when 'e gets 'ome from t' mill."
She said, " 'e's jus' come in time, while I'm still in me prime,
but I 'ope yer don't live up an 'ill."
When they got back t' young Jacks, dad said."Aye what's the crack?"
As Jean 'obbled in on all fours.
She said. "Jus' give us a sec, till I get back me breath,
then yer can 'ave me." She said. "I'm all yours."
Well, jus' like a wet blanket, she were all o'er dad,
wheezin' an' slaverin' spit.
"Who is it?" Mam said, " 'as she gone off 'er 'ead,
or is she just 'avin' a fit?"
"I've jus' got what yer said, a virgin." Jack said,
"a surprise f' me dad after tea."
"I said nowt o' the sort!" Said mam in retort.
"But it's 'ere on me 'and, wanna see?"
She give Jack a crack, she said. "Yer stupid daft bat!
Get in there, wash yer 'ands in the sink.
Take 'er back t' the shop, an' ask Daisy t' swap,
for some o' that indelible ink!"
