" 'Ave yer 'eard o' Percy Scunthorpe?"
Old Albert sez t' me.
" 'E's gone an' popped 'is clogs like,
last night after tea."
" 'E'd just 'ad 'imself some cod an' chips,
wi' salt an' vinegar t' taste.
'Is wife I 'eard is right upset,
like she said. It's such a waste."
"If she'd known Ol' Percys time were up,
she'd o' give 'im tail end of 'ake.
An' saved the piece o' cod like,
for when they 'ad the wake."
"Never!" I sez to 'im."
" 'E can't be dead, not Perc'."
"Well, I didn't see 'im struggle,
when they came round wi' the 'earse."
I went straight round t' see 'is wife.
"Is there out t' do?" I asked.
"Yer can 'elp us run this raffle,
bloody insurance's jus' lapsed."
"I thought I'd try a bob a go,
t' try an guess 'is weight."
Then she pointed at the clothes rack,
which were 'angin' over t' grate."
Old Perc' were strapped firm to it,
'is legs danglin' in mid air.
Well, it kept 'im out o' way like,
an' it did free up a chair.
"The Co-Op jus' won't take 'im,
not till I've paid me dues.
An wi' policy not valid like,
it's all that I could do."
We traipsed 'im round the pubs each night,
'an collected quite a lot.
But we 'ad t' stop after a week,
cos 'is bits kept droppin' off.
The kitty were still short like,
t' lay Old Perc' t' rest.
So we started sellin' off 'is clothes,
jus' left 'im in 'is vest.
Th'allotment lads approached us,
"Why not put 'im 'ere?
Yer can stick 'im in the cabbage patch,
we'll 'ave a right good show next year."
An' so it was that Percy,
were laid out in the plot.
Along wi' some King Edwards,
tomatoes, and shallots.
© S. Brown
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