It were one o' them days when yer got out o' bed,
yer wished that yer 'adn't got up.
When nothin' were right, an' t' milk 'ad gone off,
even th'andle 'ad fell off yer cup.
Then t' dog starts t' bark, an' runs t' the door,
as the knocker starts makin' a din.
"I don't know why," sez the wife, "Can't think for me life,
but 'e thinks that it's always for 'im?"
So I opens the door, an' the dog it shoots out,
cockin' it's leg on the bloke on the step.
Then it 'ad a good sniff, an' the bloke looked right miffed,
I sez. " 'E always does that does our Shep."
Bloke sez. "I've got news." I must o' looked right confused,
"yer'd best sit yerself down," the bloke said.
"It's yer old Auntie Flo', I think yer should know,
I'm sorry t' tell yer, she's dead."
"Yer what!" Shouts the wife. "Old Auntie Flo'?
I only spoke to 'er year before last.
Yer'd think she'd o' said, before she dropped dead,
with us bein' s' close an' all that."
I said. "Well yer'd better come in," an' the dog bit 'is shin,
"Get down Shep." I said, "where's yer manners?
Yer'll break all yer teeth, now get under t' settee."
"Is 'e always like this?" The bloke stammered.
"Only wi' strangers, an' folk 'e don't know,
said the wife wi' some pride in 'er tone.
"It's with yer bein' s' thin, an' we've let yer come in,
the daft bugger 'e thinks you're a bone."
'E sez. "I'd best let yer know, I'm from Dunn, Dunn and Co,
the solicitors jus' down the road."
I said. What Dunn are you?" 'E said. "Dunn number two,
but I'll be first in a bit, cos one's old."
Well we got 'im sat down, 'e said. "'Er mind were quite sound,
she's left the lot, every penny t' you.
There's thousands o' quid. The wife said. "Well I never did."
An' the dog it jus' chewed on 'is shoe.
'E said. "There's only one clause, y' must look after 'er 'orse,
I said, " 'er 'orse?" 'E said. "Aye an' 'er cats."
"But we've got the dog," bloke sez, "that's not a prob',"
an' 'e kicked it 'ard on the bit that it sat.
Well the dog it shot up, I thought, "it's gonna throw up,"
an' it did in the middle o' floor.
Then 'e took careful aim, an' 'e kicked it again,
an' the dog skidded out o' the door.
Bloke said. "I don't think 'e'll bother the cats an' the 'orse,
so if you'll jus' sign right 'ere Mr Clegg.
An' I'll give yer the stuff that Flo' left in 'er will."
"But Clegg lives nex' door?" The wife said.
So t' bloke 'e jus' left, 'e said 'e'd send us the bill,
t' repair t' shoes an' t' pants that were shreds.
'E said, "it'll cost a few bob, but it's your bloody dog,"
an' then 'e went off t' see Clegg.
Like I told yer before, it were one o' them days,
I should o' stayed in me bed, don't yer think.
We'd o' saved a few bob, an' t' poor bloody dog,
wouldn't be soakin' 'is nuts in the sink.
