It were a day we all dreaded at Ducie Street school,
an' we all 'ad a bath night before.
It weren't because we were dirty or out,
cos we'd 'ad one not four weeks before.
But we all 'ad t' dress in us Sunday best,
an' polish us shoes if yer please.
An' mam warned us t' blow in us 'ankys,
an' not use the ends of us sleeves.
"Now don't show us up," said me mam tippin' cup,
in 'er saucer t' finnish 'er tea.
"It's nit nurse t'day, so do what I say,
don't want t' look common yer see."
We were dropped at school gates, us 'air nice an' straight,
wi' sticky up bits 'eld down wi' some spit.
Then t' whistle'd blow, an' in we'd all go,
'opin' we 'adn't got nits.
Mr MacBain, the teacher explained,
that nits should be really called lice.
'E sez not t' fret, cos they're easy t' get,
an' only like 'air that is nice.
They only like 'air that's shiny an' clean,
so don't worry if they're found in yer scalp.
They can be a pest, jump from one 'ead t' next,
but yer can soon comb the buggers back out.
Then Jimmy O'Toole, the captain o' school,
an' nit monitor for the day.
Pops into the class, an' the teacher 'e asks.
"Shall I take 'em Sir, is it OK?"
The teacher said, "aye, my doesn't time fly,
I'll go for a brew while they're gone.
Now listen up class, do what Jimmy asks,
cos 'e'll be in charge from now on."
Well we got t' the 'all in no time at all,
an' waited in turn t' get in it.
Yer could see 'er through t' door, in t' middle o' floor,
Lilly the nit nurse from t' clinic.
We waited in line, she took one at a time,
she'd got the whole thing t' perfection.
She were really quite nice, an' put any lice,
in a box at the side for collection.
When my turn 'ad come, I got up off me bum,
an' walked up to 'ave me inspection.
She sez. "Yer've got lots of eggs, an' there's one 'ere wi' legs,
that looks like it's built t' perfection."
" 'Ang on 'ere's another, it mus' be 'is brother,
an' there's cousins an' aunties," she stammered.
"Will yer sell us the lot, let's 'ave a look what I've got."
An' she gave us a shiny new tanner.
She sez. "I like the odd bet, but the racin's off yet,
an' the grey'ounds aren't runnin' today.
But if I plan it out right, we can 'ave a nit fight,
in the pub that I use round our way."
She sez. "Tell yer mam, I've done the best that I can,
'Ere's some cream t' rub on yer 'ead.
Then she wrote 'er a letter, she said that'd be better,
"Yer jus' might forget," nit nurse said.
Mam were at t' gates, wi' the rest of 'er mates,
jus' waitin' f' kids t' come out.
So I gave 'er the note, that t' nit nurse 'ad wrote,
An' excited she started t' shout.
"Our Tommy's got nits!" She were right thrilled t' bits,
an' she 'eld up an' waved tube o' cream.
Puffed up wi' pride, yer could tell by 'er eyes,
WELL, IT PROVED THAT SHE KEPT US ALL CLEAN!
