Lifes Ups An Downs

Lifes Ups An’ Downs.

It ‘ad come as a shock, when Bill popped ‘is socks,

It were the last thing expected to ‘appen.

Like ‘is wife said t’ me, “ ‘e were jus’ ninety three,

but, at least ‘e’d died with ‘is cap on.”

She said, “ ‘e’d got up quite normal, well normal for ‘im,

an’ ‘e’d jus’ nipped out t’ the loo.

But, t’day bein’ Tuesday, the bin men were ‘ere,

an’ daft sod’d forgot they were due.”

“ ‘E liked a bit of a read, when ‘e sat on the pot,

said it ‘elped ‘im t’ meditate.

But the Chron’ were in t’ bin, I’d jus’ put it in,

so ‘e’d made a quick dash for the gate.”

“Now, it were just ‘is bad luck, that the back o’ the truck,

were just ‘oistin’ the bin off the ground.

An’ it snagged on ‘is braces, that were ‘angin’ down loose,

an’ there were a twangin’, sort o’ thwackin’ type sound.”

She said. “The next thing I knew, ‘e were up in the air,

with ‘is pants ‘angin’ down round ‘is legs.

Bugger me, ‘e swore as ‘e started t’ soar,

I can see t’ bookies an’ t’ chippy, ‘e said.”

“So, with ‘is arms open wide, ‘e’d started t’ glide,

‘is shirt flappin’, like a line full o’ dusters.

Then some sparrows joined ‘im, made a right flamin’ din,

as they whistled the theme from t’ Dam Busters.”

“ ‘E grabbed ‘old o’ phone line, spun round a few times,

took one ‘and off, an’ give us a wave.”

I said. “What yer doin’ up there? Yer silly ol’ mare,”

‘e said. “Go get the fire brigade!”

“Now, I’d jus’ turned me back, when I ‘eard the line snap,

well, if it ‘adn’t, ‘e’d be ‘angin’ there yet.

‘E were shoutin’ Yippee! An’, Oh bugger me!

then the las’ thing ‘e said were. Oh eck!”

The first t’ get there, were t’ bloke off the bins,

yer could tell ‘e were shocked so t’ speak.

‘E said. “That’s a bit o’ bad luck, ‘e’s ‘avin’ there chuck,

we’re collectin’ on Mondays nex’ week.”

Hey up, you can watch this one here if you want.