ORBzine - Disaster 2008 Movie Reviews
Aliens vs Predator
Weyland (Lance Hendricksen) and his sidekick (Colin Salmon -
The World Is Not Enough
) hire a group of unknown actors to explore a pyramid
that's concealed under the Antarctic ice.
Unfortunately, it was built by the Predators -
and they've returned, to use it for an Alien hunt!
The Aliens are unrealistically overpowered, especially compared to the comics. Against them are dumb and weak Predators and some equally unimpressive humans. Disappointing, to say the least!
Aliens vs Predator 2: Requiem
This takes off where the previous film ended.
The Predator ship crashes in Colorado, and the Predalien and facehuggers attack the local humans.
It turns out that the Predalien is female, and thus can impregnate victims ...
On the Predator homeworld, a veteran Predator receives the ship's last transmission. He decides to take on the Predalien and its Xenomorphs single-handedly. Not only does he have cool hi-tech weapons, he also has the ability to head-but his way through concrete walls.
The humans are a motley bunch of newcomers, but they're more normal and likeable than the crew in the previous films. There are few stereotypes, and no unrealistic feel-good escapes. This is much closer to real horror than most mainstream films these days - it's like something from the Seventies.
Reiko Aylesworth is a US Military helicopter pilot, just home to see her family after a tour of duty. She's no Ripley, unfortunately. She gets to do a bit of shooting in the climax, but the central protagonist is an ex-Con named Dallas.
Avid fans should watch out for the final scene, which introduces Ms Yutani ( Francoise Yip ).
Alone in the Dark
This is based on a video game and directed by
Uwe Boll
. It starts with scrolling text and a voiceover that provides background exposition.
It goes on ten times longer than it ought to.
It isn't even necessary - the director should have used the rule Show, don't tell.
However, apparently the test-audiences found the film confusing.
Tough-guy Christian Slater [ Hollow Man 2 ] and scientist Tara Reid have to save the world from invisible monsters. Stephen Dorff [ Blade ] helps. There is no characterisation or originality, although there are some Well-directed but unbelievably OTT action scenes.
Baal: God of Thunder
Some archaeologists uncover an artefact from the cult of Baal, Sumerian god of thunderstorms. Unfortunately this unleashes Baal, and he starts a super-storm. The archaeologists go on a quest, and every time they uncover one of the four magic amulets Baal becomes stronger.Weather scientist Lexa Doig teams up with the US Military to fight the super-storm.
This may have been written as a big-budget blockbuster, with exotic locations like Turkey in mind, but it was filmed on the cheap in Canada - and it shows! All the money went on the (quite decent) CGI SPFX and the one recognisable star. There are few extras and very limited locations. But it's a relatively pleasant way to waste a couple of hours, as long as you don't expect too much.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Jennifer Connolly
, scientific expert in alien biology,
is called in by the MIBs when a UFO is detected entering the solar system.
The UFO lands in Central Park, and Keannu Reeves (
The Matrix
) gets out. Secretary of State Kathy Bates and slimy Political advisor Kyle Chandler (
Early Edition
) take over and decide to subject the alien to extreme rendition ...
Connolly and Klaatu go on the run together. They seek out alien scout James Hong ( Big trouble in Little China ) and human scientist John Cleese ( Life of Brian ).
The original story dealt with the Cold War and McCarthyism. This time it is about Environmentalism and anti-terrorist paranoia. It seems that GWB's refusal to sign the Kyoto protocols has come to the attention of the Alien Empires. Klaatu's mission is to act as judge, jury and executioner for the entire human race!
Colonel Robert Knoeper ( Hitman ) does his best to deal with Keannu's bodyguard, a huge alien robot. Unfortunately the robot unleashes a massive nanite swarm that threatens to destroy the entire human race!
The climax is at Central Park, and seems more than a little reminiscent of Cloverfield !
Dark Angel
No, not the
Jessica Alba
TV show. This is a 1990 movie, also known as I Come In Peace.
Dolph Lungren [ Universal Soldier ] is a rogue cop, after the drug lord who killed his brother. He teams up with by-the-book FBI Agent Michael Benben (Dream On).
The cliched buddy-cop-duo, clad in 1980s apparel, roam the mean streets of Houston. Their target? A murderous drug-dealing ALIEN, who looks like a seven-foot-tall albino with long hair and Predator -style weapons. The Alien's Calico (a 9mm pistol) seems to fire 40mm grenades!
This is actually quite a decent film. Cliches abound, but it's well-shot and the acting is well above average. It's well-meaning fun, well-cast and with excellent action scenes.
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