Essential etiquette and handy reference tool for all users.

The Message Board User Guide

A
Arse - as in exposed and blue and belonging to Nick
Ally - renegade slayer, self-appointed destroyer of mingers
Angie Baby - former moderator and mummy to the board
Ann - Wellie Woman, clearly a lady with a rubber fetish
Anna's Bed Head -leader of the pro-Anna group
Anna -lesbian favourite of the PC/Irish contingent
Angelus - sire of Slayer and Willow, husband and sire of Rogue.
Responsible for the most boring web chat in history.

B
Bbabboo+ - pregnant baboon, murderer of NHP, having been unfairly
fired from key position of clinging to his thigh
Big Brother - god knows, but occasional references bring out the
animals
Big Dog - friendly puppy, doesn't bite hard. Has been known to go
skiing, but doesn't boast about it. King of the Big Dog Empire
Bukakka Parties -the best thread ever.
Billie -the antichrist
Brum - ugly town in the West Midlands, rumoured to be venue for
apocalypse towards end of March
Board - the musical, written by an exposed blue arse, to be
staged on blue/yellow set, nominated for more Oliver awards than
Theatre of Dreams

C

Catboy - pissed Scottish bloke who doesn't use vowels
Craig – he won. Becaushe of the shteroids.
CLP - Craig's Left Pec, wrongly accused posh bint with a big
trophy
Coventry - ugly town in West Midlands where you will end up if
you don't play nicely
Coca Cola - tosser
Cannock Technical College – Remedial learning centre
Carrie Bradshaw's Mate Samantha - New. Has never posted here
before. Never been to Fulham. Never been to a Bowie concert.

D

Deano - also known as Dracula's Teabag, preoccupied with interior
design and lightweight drinker
Dung Party - new to Ibiza this summer, two elephants use their
trunks to hurl their dung over the punters, while the promoter
balances on the elephant's tusk for a blow-job
Delerium - Surreal offspring of Mr and Mrs Angelus, trained to
kill at an early age. Deeply disturbed by frequently being left
with godparents Slayer and Spike while mum and dad play with
whips and chains
Don and Pam - the voices of reason
Dinosaurs - to be kept at new, improved Old Trafford, along with
dolphins and prawn sandwiches
Dill the Dog - angelic son of Evie ^8^

E

Echo - dolphin girl, never gets stuck in tuna nets, but does
drink like a fish. Moving to Old Trafford soon
Evil - most of the women on the board, and some of the men
Evie- adoptive mother of NHP (deceased), glamorous redhead and
board pedant
Emma - stoned girl, night crew, bit mad
Elli - the Queen of Sloth, not to be confused with Rufio, who is
just a queen. Now peddles filth. And salad.

F
##### - the word that nobody ever uses, apart from Molly
Fluffy Bunny - Marmite warrior
Fulham - crap football team who keep lobbing balls into the crowd
for any old Live Aid guitarist to catch
Filth - main product sold by Old Lady with occasional god
complex, also trading in salad and pringles.
Faith - you've gotta have it. Well, Willow clearly has.

G
Going Down - see Coventry or McSlayer
Game Show - it's only a ?
Godfather - NHP, to unborn child of Bbaabboo+ - role taken over
by his evil twin
GK - initial girl. Even scares the dark side of the board

H
"H" - pointless "popstar" and bizarre sexual position
Hamster - permanent resident in Richard Gere's anus
Helle-mouth - nothing moderate about the filth that comes from it

Hippy Site - venue for tree hugging and smut

I
IwtCN - see insane
Insane - see IwTcN. None of the rest of us. No Sir.
Ikea - Swedish furniture store that copied our colour scheme

J
JC - often mistaken for the son of god, actually evil twin of
NHP, teetotal
RJ's johnson - legendary todger-wielding porn king
Jaba - Fat bloke who sings bad manners songs and makes monster
slaying journeys around the universe, only to return to post on
the board from on top of the hill where the telletubbies live
Jailbreak - safe-haven for drug dealers, adulterers and wartime
refugees

K
9 – Big rabid dog

L
Lurkers - mythical creatures
Lop - nite time fighter of Sparhawk, normally wins
Leokat - The person who normally does stuff like this, she tries
to impose a sense of taste and decency on the board
Laura - cyber-slut
Lucy Blow - Formerly Spangimama, kick off queen
Leila - dead, but still evil. Very slim grip on reality
Loumy - Hates students, hates daft hats, likes drinking Vodka and
demanding the head of Kylie, gets SMS's from Bob The Builder
Landlord - has even painted his office blue and yellow. Friendly
bar manager and karaoke MC for weddings, funerals, and I'm sure
if the situation arose, bahmitzvahs
Lurker's Finger - fighting the memory of NHP for the hand of
Molly, hopes that once he has her hand, he'll be able to make a
full fist.

M
Molly - The voice of reason on the board. Responsible adult for
any MB outings!!
McSlayer - anorexic adulteress and defence lawyer. Leaves
confidential briefs in the shed
Monkfish - gets her knickers off and makes JC a cup of tea. Does
not need much encouragement.
Marmite - essential for daily hangovers and weapons in fluffy
warfare

N
NHP – RIP, he was a hidden phone, he was a priest, he was pope,
he was married, he was defrocked, he had cyber affairs a plenty,
mainly in his wife's shed, he sold drugs and he was insulting to
wimmin. Murdered by Bbabboo+
Nasty Nick – the inspiration for NHP and the idol of IwtcN
Newbies – not to be encouraged
Naked - horse riding chick. See Rogue
Necrophilia - see JC/NHP

O
Ooooooooooh – Made NHP throw his toys out of his pram by posting
his pic, he went mad, she cried, everyone else laughed!!
Old Lady – she used to have a purpose, then she had none, she
sold pringles, now peddles salad. And filth
Old Trafford – place most Man Utd fans have only seen on telly,
but Lucy had a dream of it with a dinosaur enclosure and lifts up
the outside, see also veloceraptor

P
PC Owl – the undisputed most valued poster ever, his updates on
the house kept people on topic for months, and his BB related
news stories tried to achieve the same after the show ended, He
shrouded himself in secrecy, hinting at a famous identity, most
money was placed on PC actually being Zoe Ball
Peccy – The woman of a thousands names, but they all mean the
same, mad mood swings from smut to cute kittens
Primate – Bbabboo+ is the most advanced one
Plank - carried around by Rogue before she became a vampire and
realised her plank could kill her. As to why she was carrying it
... answers on a postcard.

Q
Queen - see Rufio

R
Rufio - see Queen
Red Bull – Got engagement ring sent back to him through the post
on anniversary, has not been well since
Rogue – was sane, perfectly sane, until the non wedding, now all
of her marbles are missing in action. Often seen riding naked
through the streets of Coventry (who are GOING DOWN)
Rogue's Mum - very very brave, posted in the midst of her
daughter's giant leap into insanity
Reverbe – He is gone now, but he left a legacy for us all
Reverbe's Goddess – Reverbe's Fulham supporting wife
Roisin - pissed Irish chick, shockingly over-looked in draft one
of the guide, being one of the few posters never to insult the
guide's writers

S
Sabrina - Fights with rufio and at gaelic football matches and is
a witch. Left at one point to run off with Neil!!
Schizo – there are people who post here with multiple
personalities, hard to believe, but true
Slayer – Mad, bad and dangerous to know
Spike – something on which Zoe Ball's head should be impaled.
Currently something frequently impaling the slayer
Sparhawk – Ann's Hubby who battles with Lop and sings all nite.
First to buy drugs from NHP
Shed – lurve haven for serial adulterers. Covered in glitter.
Belongs to Molly, but venue for evil Pope NHP's auditions for
mistresses.
Spitroast - way Big Dog and NHP would share the Southern Comfort
money in their dream BB house!! Also caused NHP to run off and
hide in shame for posting it for about three hours
Students - mostly evil, and not all in a good way. Can be
identified by their silly hats

T
Talkie Toaster – Everybody's favourite breakfast companion. See
also Landlord
Tree-hugging - another classic thread, boys bonding, girls
lurking and laughing and laughing and laughing

U
Unclean – what happens when you people disappear off the board
during the day, to w##k
Unbearably sexy - see JC/NHP. Apparently.

V
Vampire – Beware, there are many around here, day and nite
Veloceraptor – has its own enclosure at Lucy's dream Old Trafford
and is fed the Neville brothers, diced!!
Vestry - room in the church of Pope NHP I where Slayer was turned
evil by Angelus, during the orgy at the non-wedding

W
Willow – Evil to the core
Warren Buffet – a step too far (see "H")
Westlife - true evil, except for Ann
Wedding - scene of carnage and bad behaviour, and an absent bride
and groom, resulted in NHP being defrocked, and not for the first
time

X
Xenophobia – accusation thrown at Irish posters who voted for
Anna and mainlanders who did not!!
X-Men – The best one of these mutants lives on the board, see
Rogue

Y –
on earth are we still here?
YGM - three words that make any man, woman or animal come over
Meg Ryan
YIM - never used for off-board chats.

Z
Zebras – The only member of the animal kingdom Jackson Cannery
has not claimed to have some sort of sexual relations with
Zonga – pornographic version of Jenga and the ultimate winning
word at naked twister scrabble, especially when slammed across
two triple word score squares
Zoe Ball – She used to post here, see PC Owl
zack - he was the weakest link, goodbye
© Evil Slayer and Jackson Cannery. February 2001

Sorry for anyone or anything that was missed out, please post any
additions on the MB marked 'you dozy gits what about .....'