As usual, there is so much to say. A complex concoction of emotion, ideas and aspirations, bubbling away in the cooking pot of my mind. I seem to be writing everything in retrospective lately even though, in truth, I am constantly charting and re-charting it all in my head space; daily, hourly, incessantly... My brain is seldom still. Logging them in coherent words for you to read is difficult - because there's so much for me to say, to do and so, so far to go.

At this time, when I am once again understanding how far I have come/gone across the map of my imagination, delving deeper to acknowledge the personal growth that has been taking place, I realise the distance surpassed is vast indeed. Right now, in this 'chilled out' moment, I am revisiting the mountaintops and foothills I have witnessed thus far. And in that remembrance, I always seem to amaze myself - because it is in those moments I fully recognise and appreciate my own efforts for all they are worth - for mySelf. Yes, it is time I pat myself on the back.

'Curious', the dancefilm installation was developed in collaboration with choreographer and dancefilm maker Heather Eddington of State of Flux. It is an exploration of the relationships between art, dance and technology and culminates into a symbiotic melody of form, movement and sound to create a multi-dimensional piece of Art - I hope you are giving yourself a good pat on the back too Heather!

It all began in early in 2005 when I received the fateful phone call from her. Heather said she had seen my sculptural Artworks during my degree show held at the Truman Brewery, London in June 2004 and that she would like us to work together on her next project. I was invited to see her current production called 'Metronome' in Chelmsford, a dancefilm installation she had already created that year and was touring in and around the UK. I was impressed and inspired by what I saw... This would be just the beginning of what would turn out to be a great challenge for me in many ways.

Within the next few weeks, we had a tentative meeting at my home. She shared her idea with me, speaking of her aims and hopes with a determined focus. Heather explained what she enjoyed about my work; fluid lines, organic, intertwining forms and smooth finishes. At this point, the prospective piece would be entitled 'Contours'. She had brought a projector, video camera and a dancefilm cassette with her that she would leave for me to 'play' with. We were two strangers who would learn and discover each other over time...

The prospect of collaborating frightened me a little, no a lot. Up until that point I had always created alone, for my healing and me - that was its purpose and my focus. I am proud of my creative autonomy and guard it with a zealous maternalism. Allowing someone else to intervene my sacred domain was something I had never whole heartedly considered before this - just way too risky - not even during the three years spent at university. Creativity, for as long as I can remember, has always been my Spiritual bandage, supporting, protecting and soothing the 'unseen me'...

Everything was happening so fast. A month later, I found myself in Norfolk. Heather had arranged preliminary auditions for two dancers, Ellie and Gayna. We would spend five days together in an old manor house belonging to her family friend, travelling each day by car to the DanceEast studio in Ipswich town. We worked hard, nothing really fixed while we experimented to see how we 'blended' together - testing out ideas, moves and personalities. Looking back at it now, I suppose this was my first experience of a symposium. I still felt a little cagey as I faced my biggest creative challenge attempting to discover something inside from that, which was externally projected.

The way I work makes it seemingly difficult for me to work with others. If you are an ardent reader of my journal, you will know I do not sketch or formulate hard-fastened ideas of what I am about to create; I like to watch it unfold and grow in time, making serendipitous discoveries along the way - in my own space.

Every morning when we arrived at the dance studio, we did warm up exercises all together. I think Heather formulated them to engender trust and develop bonding whilst dissolving any underlying barriers. We also watched David Attenborough wild life films as a point of reference to centralise our innate thinking so we could translate them into something we could all work with concurrently. I would then move on to working on the sculpture, a paper-mache form built on a wire skeletal frame; it favoured an unfolding petal or shell, maybe reflecting where I was in that moment. Meanwhile, they pranced and danced testing the stamina of their bodies and contorting themselves to reflect the forms found in the sculpture and bringing new life to it.

At the end of the five days, we all parted. Heather's next challenge would be to source funding to realise this project. I did not hear from her for a while and so I shelved it away in the back of my mind....

Just over a year later, I received another call to let me know that funding had finally been approved and she was just waiting for it to be completely processed. It was an unexpected shock let me tell you. My own proposal had been accepted to take part in a symposium in Pezenas, France and I would be in Slovenia for another one during the month of September. How could I do it all? I was already fully committed, but in my heart I knew I was also committed to this project - so much had already been invested. It is at times like these the full meaning of my name, Nyanda Yekwai comes into effect: 'Warrior queen who will not be conquered' and so the challenge was mine to accept.

The initial brief was that the prospective sculpture had to be durable, light for transport and whose surface would be good for film projection. I had toyed with many ideas about the material I would use to create it, all of which I had never worked with before, daunting but not impossible. I love working with natural mediums since they already have so much narrative within, all I have to do is connect and release it. There would be only a short space of time to get something ready for Heather and the selected dancers, Catriona Johnston and Delphine Gaborit, to work with. I would have to be in France within the next two weeks - it was manic sourcing the all materials, tools and getting them delivered to my workspace. In the end, I decided that I would work with polystyrene and so ordered an 8'x4'x2' block to get started. I had the suppliers split it in two to create the back panel and waited for them to deliver. When it arrived, I looked at the huge colourless blocks and they glared back at me indignantly. I still was not sure what was to become of these 'blank canvasses'; they were large, pristine and very intimidating.

I decided my safest bet would be to start on a 4'x2'x1' off cut that came with my delivery. I went to work, using tools and an unnatural substance that were completely new to me. I quickly got a feel for it and found enjoyment in carving an organic form from this manmade foam. My inhibitions quickly faded.

By chance, on a visit to my Mum's house, I noticed her large exercise ball and it came to me that spheres would also add a great deal of interest to the surface and depth of the piece. I brought the projector there to test it out - yes, it worked well! So my next task was to find a manufacturer for large polystyrene spheres. I ordered three with a diameter of 60cm. Everything was beginning to unfold wondrously. I worked with crazed enthusiasm for the next week and a half for at least thirteen hours a day, time was not my friend.

A couple of days before I had to leave for France Heather came to collect the unfinished piece so she could begin the production of 'Curious'. I nervously waited for her arrival, she like me, is a woman who always aims to attain high standards. Would she approve of what I had been up to? I set it all up and waited. When she came, I unveiled it for her and her mother Rosie to see, projecting an old film she had made on to it. Her face was serious, taut and distant - oh my! My heart sunk, she does not like it... not good at all. But that was not the case Heather was thrilled! The work I had done had sent her into her own 'pre-production' creative zone and she was already formulating ways in which she could work with what I had done. Thank goodness, phew! She made it clear to me that she had no doubts in my skills whatsoever, Thank you! :o) Off I went to France, but I did not leave the collaboration behind. In Pezenas I would work in stone that was also chalky white and lacking personality; as I whittled away at it in the burning sun I observed how light and shadow created depth and colour, these lessons would be implemented when I got back to work on it for sure.

When I returned from Slovenia in mid-September, my body exhausted and battered, hands blistered from pulverising at least three tonnes of stone during the two months I had been away from the sculpture. I was physically tired, but the need to complete my task was even greater.

Heather had delivered the sculpture before my return and was still working hard fine-tuning the film at her end; so we did not see each other, hectic schedules and distance (being at opposite ends of the country did not help) proved to be our greatest enemies. Eventually I received a draft of the film in situ on DVD through the post. Now I could see what they had been up to. It was very interesting to see her vision come to life, the choreographed movements of the dancers accentuating the sculptural forms transforming its appearance whilst the audio seamlessly stitched it all together. I saw the sculpture 'become alive' and reach the peak of its potential. Watching it, I discovered that in this there was an analogy of Life too. You are what you are, but also what others perceive you to be and therefore project on to you - the infinite circle recurring, something we are all a part of.

When all is said and done, as a team we rose to the occasion with bells on, each person brought themselves fully to the round table and surpassed every obstacle that came our way. Speaking for myself personally, it truly was a great challenge - to 'open up' and co-create with another - but this was made easier because there was mutual and implicit trust. 'Curious' premiered at the Wolsley Theatre in Ipswich with the second showcase taking place at The Place in London, both to riveted audiences and generated a great, awe inspiring response. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Heather Eddington for inviting me to be apart of this project. It was and still is much appreciated...

Yet again, this is not the end, just another beginning...

Well here I am... It's 02:54 and I'm in the middle of an industrial estate somewhere in North London. Stranded by choice - me, my laptop and a seven foot sculpture in polystyrene. So much is happening right now, it's time for a tea break! Time is nearly up and so I have to race against the clock; with the knowledge that Time always wins, it has more stamina.

I am waiting for paint to dry. My eyes are too tired to watch it so I thought I'd jot down a few rambling thoughts... For the past couple of months in between symposiums, I have been working in collaboration with Heather Eddington of State of Flux Dancefilm Company to create a installation called 'Curious'... It is to premier on the 7th October and I have to finish my part of the work by the 2nd, hence the reason why I decided to stay in this eerie cocoon of steel, glass and concrete.

There's no-one here, the security guards made their last rounds and have gone home - all I can hear is the echo of rain that somehow sounds mechanical. This is not home, it's not even homely. I don't miss my bed, an insomniac by nature so sleep is not really on my mind - although I would like to 'stretch my spine' so to speak! And I really would like to feel the sensation of warm water on my skin, the smell of black love incense burning whilst I watch the tankful of tropical fish swimming lazily, the light flickering on the wall with the ebb and flow of its tepid water... just to relax in my own space.

SYMPOSIUM IN FRANCE - (29th July - 6th August 2006)

I am writing this almost two months after the event, but the memories are as lucid and as relentless Pezenas sun... They have not faded and will continue to glisten in my thoughts.

I flew away from hectic London to Paris and rushed to catch my connecting flight to Montpelier. In the departure lounge I met Emil Adamec, we know each other previously as participants in another symposium that took place in Izola last year. He has a genuine calming nature about him - I felt at ease. He said two more sculptors should be on the same flight, so on the plane we were both rubbernecking to see if we could locate them. Emil knew Chris Peterson; he described him as very tall and thin. It was then we saw a seated man whose head was way above everyone else's... that was Chris for sure. Emil called to him; his eyes were clear and bright, with a brilliant smile to match. It was monumental talk for the rest of the journey, much to the dismay of the lady seated next to us - all of us beaming and rearing to go. It turns out that Michele Valenza had missed his flight and would arrive later.

Waiting to collect us at arrivals was Dann Chetrit, a slim amiable looking French man with dark hair and a calm robust face, his eyes were fixed, but I could sense his tense anticipation. He was very happy to see us and said he had shed a few tears earlier, overwhelmed by the great task that he and his wife, Fabienne, had surmounted. Years of hoping, planning, focused action and organisation were about to take seed and make roots in reality.

When we arrived at the Tannerie, it was quiet, the sun was harsh and the air was very still. The large interior was cool and shady, there was a permanent exhibition of Dann's erotic art; paintings, sculptures in stone and mixed media - a visual feast for the eyes.

Outside were the stones, which would be chosen on a first come first serve basis. I took my sandals off donned my peak cap and shorts and wandered around alone barefooted, trying to soak in all the new sights. Eyes squinted, I breathed in deeply, the air was warm and fresh - I began pensively to make intimate connections with the surroundings.

The time was here. Thirteen sculptors from across the globe were gathering at La Tannerie, so named because it was previously a slaughterhouse and a place where leather hides were cured. There was no apparent evidence of it's previous use, no death here only more Life...

There would be nine days for each of us to carve a rough block of stone on average a tonne in weight in accordance to the theme 'Messages of the Body'. Work would be done with hand tools only, us sculptors carving side-by-side. It was bewildering to see all the stones paraded in a line, each one with a closed parasol standing guard. There they stood patiently waiting to be touched and changed forever... Admittedly, in that moment I felt a surge of confusion and self-doubt... so I reached in and asked for a strength and guidance, this silenced those quiverings just as quickly as they appeared in my mind. More sculptors began to arrive in ones and twos; some were accompanied by their wives and children, others by their toolboxes and Artworks for display. The moment was ripening and I could taste the sweetness of creative inspiration. There would be no physical work that day.

The stone was a French limestone, known locally as calcite. I'm not sure why I chose the one I did. I suppose liked the oxidized colouration and the three holes made by the industrious quarry drills that had broken into her virgin body... Her flesh was a chalky white, the first time I had worked on stone with so little colour or apparent grain to guide me, light and shadow would be her accent and her dance. When work began, so did the music, each artist playing a percussion of rhythmic beats on their stone that blended together to become one melody.

Beginning work for me, as usual, was a serendipitous affair - I just started chiseling. As part of the application we had to send a sketch of our proposed work. I referred to it as a guide, but it is not what I made, not exactly anyway... those forms were not within the stone and predetermining exactly what I will make is not my way of expression, most especially without seeing and touching the material first hand. So that's how my personal quest began...

The nine days were as positively intense reflecting the heat of the mid-day sun. We spent every waking and working moment together and became siblings in creativity. In our differences we found many common threads that could bind our individual stories into one... and from there friendships were able to grow and fill the void that in truth probably never existed. And as each stone revealed the Soul of its sculptor so did each day bring us closer together.

Of the three symposiums I have had the privilege of taking part in up to this point, this was the first where I was not the only woman and that for me was glorious. Francoise Kurtz a veteran sculptor in her own right, Natalie Staniforth and mySelf were to bring our diverse feminine energies to stones in a circumstance that in my limited experience is dominated by men. We flexed our muscles and carved with artistic valour to make our imaginations become tangible.

This symposium was also particularly unique, because not only did the public have a chance to see and talk with the artists at work, but every evening we were treated to a fiesta of music from around the globe, from homegrown reggae to indie and samba; plus much more besides... It was a visual and audio delight for us all including the 3,000 visitors that became an integral part of this great experience. Everyone who came through the gates was a participant.

The morning after the last day was somber affair, my aching muscles and blistered hands were bewildered; it had come to an abrupt end. We dispersed as we arrived... in ones and twos, leaving a part of ourselves behind etched in eternity of the stone...

Bon Courage!

Hvala Bogo za novi lep dan! "Thank you God for another beautiful day"... That was my most crucial language lesson this time round in Slovenia. It occurred to me that I should learn that to express my appreciation for the Creator's unconditional love in the tongue of the land so my testament would echo in the landscape in a voice it would understand...

So much has happened since I last traced my thoughts electronically; the road definitely has twisted, turned and horizons broadened. There have been great opportunities (as always) to examine the inner-me, mySelf as part of the greater 'We'; a quiet 'death' so my Spirit could hover overhead and observe uninterrupted by ego's voice. Sometimes what was apparent was good, at intervals not so good, but that is Life. And the point of Life is to accept the lessons and learn.

My next crucial Slovene lesson was pocasi (with an accent above the 'c' to make a 'ch' sound), the Slovene for relax, take it easy... Away from the rat race I had chances to step out of my boots and carry them by the straps over my shoulder and feel the Earth's subtle vibrations through my feet as it permeated my body, my Being. I have had moments to breath and revitalise Self, freshly reassessing of my purpose. All said and done, I have had the opportunity to create, face and challenge new challenges; overcome and prepare for new obstacles - outside and within. I am truly thank-full... "Another day, another chance to be more than before".

Well, what have I been up to? I'll soon tell you... I would have written about it all sooner, but my computer was down... Pocasi!)

Prosim Bogo za novi lep dan...
Please God for another beautiful day...

Dear All,

How have you been? I hope y'all are well and enjoying the delights of Life and living. Yes, I know the journal entries have been a bit scanty lately (to say the least!) but I've just been so busy that I've have decided not to continue burning the candle at all three ends! Yes, previously I had been lighting it top and bottom whilst sizzling the middle to share some of my inner thoughts with you, but now I am gathering the molten wax to create a newer, brighter flame... so there you go!

I am not sure when it'll be ready, over the past year or so that SoulVisionary.com has been up it and running it has grown a great deal, rather like a tiny puppy, cute and fluffy, that has grown into an unexpected 'cow-dog' - it's huge! Well, I will not get rid of it, but I'll have to build a kennel and keep it comfortably 'outside' if you get my meaning! There'll still be a few updates, but not regularly until the new site is up and running in ... I'd rather not say when - it's a lot of work to create, test and re-test - and I am a one woman band!

Well, I hope you've enjoyed traveling with me so far and invite you, your family and friends to keep coming back to browse the archive, maybe even offer a few suggestions that you might like to see on the updated version of SoulVisionary.com. As always, I would be grateful for your input. And remember:

These inspirational words are from www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk web site. For me it is a confirmation of 'my own' words and so I thought I'd share it with you. Inspiration is like the wind, rain and sun - It is there for 'Us All' to make Our growth possible...

Heart's Call
There is a voice within which occasionally gets our attention and tries to remind us of how good and beautiful we are. It calls us from a time long ago when we first arrived for our journey in and through time and space. Those first moments were filled with pure joy, pure play, pure adventure. Whenever you meet someone today with a pure, innocent and trusting heart let them remind you of yourself during those first early years. They invoke the purity of your own heart, and invite you to be innocent again. It also shows you one of the greatest keys to real relaxation. It is the truth that we are all pure in heart... forever. It is only what we accumulate and learn from the world around us that blocks and clogs our heart. All evil is learned and can be unlearned. All depression is the result of the illusion that we have lost something, when in truth, we cannot lose what is of true value to us, the eternal qualities of our own spirit, our own self. In a quiet moment today, listen for your hearts call. It will tell you everything is really fine, there is no need to struggle, and that you are beautiful just as you are...

Last night I watched the moon high in the sky as a veil of deep-deep-blue-sea clouds skipped and tumbled fluidly across her half illuminated body. Her right hemisphere was shimmering crisp against this dark expanse whilst her left released itself into it, a merging gradient between them. Inter-dependently mutual bodies in an infinitely synchronised collaboration.

[Edited 28.02.2006 23:12]
The process of thinking is never finite and my own utterances often re-visit me like a familiar scent in the breeze; it is then I retrace what I had not forgotten and attentively open the petals of the muse a little wider. "We are all called, but few choose to listen"... To hear and respond to those deep and quiet hankerings that can tell us who we really are. Soaking in the echoes, which hold all the answers we need. Questions... Basking in the light as we reconnect the connection of ALL that is, that can be and that will be...

As a child, fresh, timeless and free, my eyes were clear, unhindered and welcoming. Smear-free windowpanes reciprocating the lights of Life, eagerly awaiting and relishing the delights of just 'Being'. The world as a hopeful place, not 'perfect' but full of potential like a ripe seed... The horizon of Love ever expanding, rejoicing with the sun on our faces and the wind to our backs... A Symbiotic River of Love.

But why would anyone choose not to listen? Could this omnipresent 'deafness' really be a choice that has been wilfully chosen? Or is it a raging war where the battleground and the primary casualty is the isolated mind?

Somewhere, somehow a contorted reality infiltrated the serene circumference of my being, an unfamiliar tide carrying foreboding narratives. Its alien touch strangling my primordial orbit, pulling me closer into its intoxicating body – the mission, to suffocate all that ‘Is’… Silent shrieks muffle the sweet lullabies that had caressed my Spirit till then, songs that had reverberated eternity now devitalised. But the "Truth that is lost in the morning always comes home to roost in the evening" and so The Calling had never ceased...

Calm zephyrs carrying unforgotten chronicles diminish those unspoken fears and pulsate rhythmically in the incubating darkness; flickering shadows dance with ebbing lights evoking a not so distant memory while drawing it ALL in to a clarified focus.

The quest has always been and will always be to 'listen', to gather the remnants of this enduring consciousness and reclaim my birthright to 'Be Free'. To make Art is to answer this 'Calling' and pursue the silken threads of re-realisation…

This is not the end, just another beginning...