Sarah Hellings Rani Steak Casserole

  Key Ingredients: steak, sugar, flour, onions, garlic, worcester sauce, bacon, tomato puree

  This one looked fairly simple, so we thought we'd give it a bash as a standby for the shaky-looking dessert (see later). We were, however, slightly worried about the bit about rolling the steak in sugar - that can't be right surely? - but in the end went with the flow given Helling's hobbies include, it says here, cooking. We shall trust the woman!

In go the onions and the garlic, chopped to line a baking dish. Meanwhile the bits of topside are rolled in flour and sugar (yes, sugar!) in preparation.



The beef is arranged in the dish, along with squirts of the tomato puree. No Worcester Sauce as Tesco don't do this rare delicacy.



In with the oven with you, to cook slowly while HaRpi watch Doctor Who. Told you it was a simple one! It emerges, looking delicious!



Serve with new potatos and peas. Yum!

Now a dessert to knock up. What on Earth could go wrong? Enter...

Sarah Sutton's Brandy Finger Cake

Key Ingredients: sponge fingers, brandy, sugar, coffee, chocolate, whipped cream

The book returns to its old tricks again. Make your guests obese with this delicious concoction of cream, brandy and chocolate! And coffee!

First make some coffee, and allow to cool in a bowl. Add sugar, and some brandy. Three times, if you have three chef's who forget to ask each other if anyone has added the brandy yet.



Next is the "fun" part (inclusive by far, we were to discover, of attempting to eat the thing). Dip Sutton's spongey fingers in the coffee, and form into an attractive lattice structure.



Pour on the cream! Mmmm! Unfortunately HaRpi forgot to buy WHIPPED cream, so could only watch in dismay as the sponge lattice soaked up the runny double cream.



It already looks a treat!



Pour on more cream! Our "cake" was now put in the fridge, under Sutton's instructions, to congeal for 24 hours. A day later, it looked even more delicious.



Time to drain away the residue of congealed cream and coffee into a sink while your guests wait hungrily for their delicious reward.



And here it is! Only one of us finished a bowlful, with another refusing to even smell the beast. Do you blame us? This is no cake Vince!



Lucky old bin! In a moment, we'll share our verdicts with you, but first time to quickly knock up something to wash down the finger cake with.

Nicola Bryant's Purple Punch

Key ingrediants: Ginger Ale, Claret, Ice Cubes, Limes

Nicola pops up with the alcoholic beverage again - shouldn't you be considering rehab dear? After Luckham's Punch last time, we scaled back the ingredients. Three bottles of red wine? I ask you! One miniature bottle of £2.20p Tesco Claret for you missy!



A pint of ginger beer! Don't invite Sarah Jane Smith round to try this brew!



Add the red wine. Now was when we realised what this was turning into - the key is in Nicola's ingredient ratios - 3 bottles of red wine to just a poxy pint of ginger beer and a couple of limes. This is just red wine isn't it? She's done a Luckham!



Well it looks very nice!

The Verdict!

Phew! Well a hard days cooking for us, but what did we think?

Helling's Steak Casserole was lovely and got a thumbs up all round! Even the sugar worked!

Sutton's Fingers shall never darken our house again, already the fridge has, like the Bog of Eternal Stench, refused to stop whiffing of its brandy-fuelled hellish odour. In what way was this a "cake"? Mr Rayner took his onto the balcony to enjoy, while Mr Hunt made his way down to the railway line to dispose of the thing.

Lady P-Bal meanwhile had weirdly finished all of his.

"What's not to like?" he smiled eerily without blinking. "Whipped cream? GOOD. Brandy? GOOD. Fingers? GOOD!"

And lo, he was later spotted with his head in the bin searching for remains...



The punch was just red wine, so we had some Bucks Fizz instead to celebrate Cheryl Baker's moment on Eurovision, the high point of the night.

Join us next time! When we shall be delving into the book of dreams once again and making something else. Anything, in fact, not recommended by Sarah "devil's fingers" Sutton. Hurrah!



But what about the poo?