For the first time in what seems like several aeons and the odd Time War or two, HaRpi are back in the kitchen to continue their epic crusade through Gary Downie's mighty Doctor Who Cookbook!
Today we tackle a light starter and a robust main course, as we let heaven shine a light down on our attempts to make deceased Doctor Who producer Dame Verity's Hot Potato Salad and unveil some dried up flaps of beef in the form of Ingrid Pitt's Zraza - aka Russian Meatrolls (it says here). Almost everyone involved in this How To Cook is dead (except HaRpi themselves of course. And Ingrid Pitt) so there was double the usual sense of someone from high above looking down on us and cackling.
Key Ingrediants: beef, salad, potatos, bacon, mayonaisse, mustard, onions, salad, soured pickles, cornflour, SOURED CREAM!
Yes, only in Cookbook land could mustard entwine itself with mayonaisse. All those vegetables wern't used, by the way.
HaRpi's "Get Out Card" for today is the soured pickles which quite literally DON'T EXIST!
Today's celebrity guests were P-Bal and Dexter Fletcher. Dexter, not used to the ways of HaRpi, foolishly assumed when he accepted a dinner invite that he wouldn't be made to cook it himself. And filmed. HE WAS WRONG! Here he is chopping bacon, while P-Bal homages Dame Billie Piper in his own subtle way.
Anyway, on with the recipe. The mustard is smeared over the beef curtains, and the bacon sprinkled on top. So far, so quite-normal-sounding.
The beef slices are then rolled up into nice little parcels with cocktails sticks which we forgot to remove later. Dexter was later observed choking to death with a cocktail stick stuck in his throat.
The beef parcels are then fried. It's at this point that some alarm bells begin to ring. As Pitt demands the fried beef be SUBMERGED IN BOILING WATER FOR TWO HOURS! How will this help? What's she on about? I frantically google Zraza and, indeed, Russian Meatrolls on t'internet to find out that the bloody thing doesn't exist! She's made it up!
Mwahahahaha! Cackled the lion. Who does she look like? Oh yes.
Well, I think so. Anyway, debate rages until the very last moment whether we should plunge our nice browned £6 worth of meat into boiling water or do the sensible thing and USE THE OVEN!
Meanwhile, you're probably thinking we've forgotton about Verity's Hot Apetiser. We haven't. While the beef is being...er.... prepared to be boiled (I'm adamant this won't work! P-Bal says we should "trust Ingrid". But this is the woman that once tried to tell us she'd worked with Jon Pertwee on Doctor Who before "The Time Monster"!) we start frying the rest of the bacon, and set the potatoes to boil.
We're going for it! The beef parcels are set onto the boil!
Meanwhile Verity asks that we 'grease a baking tray with mayonnaise' (only in the Doctor Who Cookbook!) and Dame Rayner slices up the boiled potatoes and arranges them in a dish with the rest of the jar of cheap Asda mayo and the fried bacon.
Verity wants us to peel the boiled potatoes again, but we fear she's just cackling at us from up in lesbian heaven. Have you TRIED to peel hot, moist boiled potatoes? She can go to hell with that one. Er... God rest her soul.
