Well, here we are in season 2001-02 - in Bromley and Croydon Christian Football League Division 3, from whence there is no relegation. Officially the bottom of the FA pyramid. Can't get any lower and still have a referee and proper goalposts.
Of course, Arsenal are only 36,157 league places away.
Match reports by Sam Oliver
11 May 2002
Christ Church 3 AFC Sidcup Roma 3
The season ended as it began with an almighty player shortage. With special permission from the league to register two new players, James told us to enjoy it and have a bit of fun for the last game against the league champions, but then we scored and it all became serious. The gaffer scored the first and promptly removed his shirt, causing an old lady at the café to have a heart attack. This was followed by an absolute fluke equaliser but then a great goal made by debutant Duncan's run and scored by Alex Brouner put us ahead at halftime. A classic Wickham goal direct from a corner made it 3-1 and then Sidcup started playing like the league champions again. Another fluke goal and then a dodgy offside call helped them draw level. All in all though a stout performance from a makeshift team.
20 April 2002
Christ Church 0 UCF B 2
Same venue, same opposition but a week is a long time in football. A disappointing loss with UCF scoring one in each half. The game was summed up by my inability to steer a ball into an empty net from 10 yards with the last kick of the game. I was too far out you see.
13 April 2002
Christ Church 2 UCF B 2
Another comeback here, although to save a draw which really should have been a win. A goalless first half with little to talk about but then an exciting 2nd half sees two goals from each side, Noel netting from a corner and Ian scoring a tap-in to revive hopes for the golden boot. He only needed 5 goals from the last two games.
23 March 2002
Christ Church Bromley Supa 2s 2 Christ Church 2
I don't know quite where we found this fighting spirit from but it was on show again. Bromley dominated a first half interrupted by a five minute break as the ref went to get another battery for his watch. Bromley were two up at the real break. Cue a change of formation and a comeback that really merited all three points. Having starred at centre back last week Ian showed off his left wing skills with both goals as we came back, and there were numerous other chances to win it. A draw didn't really help either team's promotion hopes though, the advantage now with Emmanuel Lightning in the hunt for 2nd.
9 March 2002
Christ Church 3 Emmanuel Lightning 2
Obviously running scared, James flees to Bristol and leaves us the unenviable task of beating the team who beat us last week with a greatly reduced team with all 4 centre backs away. Pete Henderson had a commendable first game in goal but could do nothing as Lightning took a 2-0 lead by the hour mark. And then another CCB resurgence. Phil makes it 2-1. Having told everyone to play it on the floor at half time Chrissy B hits a long ball over the top which Johnny runs on to to equalise. And in the dying minutes one of those slowmotion goals as the keeper tried in vain to keep Johnny's header out. A most remarkable win which gives us an oh-so-faint chance of going up still.
2 March 2002
Christ Church 0 Emmanuel Lightning 3
The first game in a doubleheader that looked likely to shape who goes up with Sidcup. A close first half sees Lightning take the lead and then cruelly double it when a harmless cross bounces awkwardly and goes in. In search of goals in the second half the third is scored on the break. 'That was rubbish!' shouted one of the Christ Church youth team who were training alongside. Heckled by the youth team, the ultimate insult.
23 February 2002
Park Road 1 Christ Church 0
With Phil late again, CCB lost their way against the bottom side. A mid-game hailstorm did not help matters, and a harshly awarded late penalty gave Park Road only their second win of the season and dented CCB's promotion hopes.
9 February 2002
UCF B 2 Christ Church 3
A hard fought third win on the trot, with goals from Phil (2) and Johnny. We even had the luxury of Ian fluffing a penalty. But sadly the game was ruined by the antics of the UCF players (and fans) whose constant abuse of the referee, in particular after he overruled the linesman for Johnny's winner, was not in the right spirit at all. One of their players was sent off after kicking out at James T and some others had to be restrained at the final whistle. A mention must be made of the CCB players who I felt kept their heads magnificently in the face of great provocation.
2 February 2002
UCF Reserves 1 Christ Church 2
In atrociously windy conditions Mike is injured within ten minutes and has to leave. Fair's fair, he had an important show that evening… Considering the conditions the win was well merited with goals in each half from Ian and Noel. UCF's equaliser was from a penalty awarded against Simon Lang due to the size of his shorts. His protest of 'But it hit my peepee' was one to be savoured.
19 January 2002
Christ Church 8 Christ Church Bromley Supa 2s 4
Interesting one, this. The Sam Oliver Goaltrain continued with a tap-in within 60 seconds. Scoring then went as followed: 1-1, Johnny 2-1, Pete 3-1, 3-2, Johnny 4-2, Johnny 5-2, Johnny 6-2, Ian 7-2, Noel 8-2, 8-3. Then it was halftime. Sound defensive work, including a Dave Edwards penalty save, restricted Bromley to one second half goal and preserved a valuable if freak win. And James missed it all gallivanting in Holland (again).
12 January 2002
AFC Sidcup Roma 5 Christ Church 1
The first league match this season where we were decidedly second best against the team who should walk the title now. The only bright note was another Sam Oliver wondergoal, this time prodding home with the left foot from all of 4 yards. At least this was our only trek to Sidcup.
5 January 2002
Christ Church 4 Park Road 2
Into the new year then and an apparent Christmas overindulgence on our part sees bottom of the table Park Road go 2-0 up within 20 minutes. Matters are restored by Simon Lang, a Rob Toplis double and a memorable goal from Collin's weaker right foot, curled in immaculately from the edge of the box.
15 December 2001
Emmanuel Lightning 2 Christ Church 1
Phil Leach's kamikaze season continues when he finds out his boots are in my garage. James has to go to fetch them. Both miss kick-off. Meantime there are welcome backs for Nicky G and Rob Toplis. A close game but one with few chances for CCB. Our goal- the equaliser- is another soft own goal and the pacy Emmanuel Lightning grab a winner in the last ten minutes. Also noteworthy is the miss of all time by their striker who found walking the ball into an empty net too easy and so fell over it.
8 December 2001
Christ Church 5 UCF Reserves 4
Having come down with this lot last season, matches with UCF Reserves never seem to be dull affairs. Johnny Turnbull and a Sam Oliver header (faints) make it 2 apiece at half time. Goals from Noel, Ian and a UCF player (sorry can't remember which one exactly) should have sealed it but sleepy defence let them in twice and led to a grandstand finish. If only the Rec had grandstands.
1 December 2001
Christ Church 0 Lewin Sports 9 (Cup round 2)
James chose a good week to swan off to Holland as we were rudely dumped out of the cup by one of the league's top sides. We didn't play badly but were totally outclassed. It could have been much worse but for heroics from Laurence in goal.
24 November 2001
Christ Church 2 Park Road 0
Pete was back in goal and kept another clean sheet, which in true London bus style was the third in quick succession after years of waiting. Goals in each half from Mike and Collin secured the win but in truth it should have been more but for James' decision to play himself upfront.
3 November 2001
Christ Church 3 Orpington Town 0 (Cup round 1)
A shock result against a team doing well in Division 2 but a fully deserved one nonetheless. The score was 3-0 by halftime after well-taken goals by messrs Turnbull and Leach and a fluke Wickham cross that the keeper punched into his own net. The result was secured by sound second-half defence including a penalty save from Laurence.
27 October 2001
Christ Church Bromley Supa 2s 0 Christ Church 0
With Pete Cornish given the dubious honour of standing in between the sticks, CCB fight out a good away point in a match with few chances. The club's first clean sheet for nearly two years and even Keri couldn't remember the last 0-0 draw.
13 October 2001
Christ Church 2 AFC Sidcup Roma 3
A more conventional line up for the first home game of the season played in front of a huge crowd at the Rec. Sidcup are 3 goals to the good within a minute of the second half starting. Cue another spirited comeback. A Johnny Turnbull header and a cracking Sam Oliver volley (3 yards out, off the shin) reduce the deficit and Johnny is unlucky to not grab a draw when he hits the bar. Both club keepers are injured in the course of the match, Dave playing on in goal despite a broken finger.
6 October 2001
UCF Reserves 2 Christ Church 2
The normal flurry of people eager to play the first game does not occur and James has a major selection headache. Not helped by Phil Leach arriving midway through the first half four players have their first CCB start- Sam, Jack, keeper Dave and Ian's mate George. By the time of Phil's arrival CCB are two goals down but there is an uncharacteristic revival, goals by Phil and James Titheridge saving a draw
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Last updated 2 April 2002
