This page contains the lyrics to 1999's Boozin' My Religion album.
For those that don't already know the words (like myself), this is the ideal opportunity to take a peek, learn the buggers and do us all out of a job.

To see the lyrics to the song you like most/dislike least, simply click on the title and you'll be transported across time and space to a bit of writing lower down.

....Or you can move your scroll bar up and down, it's up to you.



Boozin' My Religion



SCUM AND SCUMMER

Britain had its empire once
And now we have the bastard sons
Who live for building barriers
We should be breaking down.
It makes enemies of families
They get overcast by rivalries
Because of every Saturday
When football comes to town
Well, you're supporting one team
And I'll support the next team
Then we'll come out fighting
And forget we're family
And we'll say we're anti-fascist
And that we're not elitist
But even in the slightest its such hypocrisy.
Scum and scummer, dumb and dumber.
We're all united every year
Go trashing Europe drinking beer
Parlez vous le Eng-er-lish
And 'ERE WE 'ERE WE GO.
Forget domestic rivalry
And fight the foreign violently
Now we're all under scrutiny
nd have the cheek to wonder why.
If I support the red team
And you support the blue team
We' ll go against the green team
And sing our golden song.
Is it football or the fight?
We should eradicate the violence from
The terraces and put it back
On the pitch where it belongs.

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JEDI MIND TRICK

You see the woman of your dreams is lonely
Standing at the bar.
And your confidence is booming
Oh so close but no cigar.
don't use an old chat up line
Use an old Jedi Mind Trick!
When you' re standing lost and lonely
In the shitty part of town
See some trendies coming at you
And just have to take them down
don't use a baseball bat
Use an old Jedi Mind Trick.
Feeling left for dead nothings been left unsaid
Then get out of my way
Cos if your mindset is wrong then it will stay
Have some faith in yourself
It will get worse one day
Its all in the mind anyway and here to stay.
Believe it, receive it, don't take it away
Is that life as we know it and how it must be.
Whats the point in refusing or admitting defeat.
BELIEF IN YOURSELF NOT JUST NOW .
BUT ALWAYS

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THE LIFE OF BRIAN


There was a guy called Brian who decided on the spot
That he was going quickly nowhere
With this thing he called Glam Rock
He grabbed his mothers make-up,
As he slapped it on he said
He said Bollox to this hair cut, think I'll be a goth instead
He's a hero for the rebels, a brand new different trend
We'd better all watch Brian, Cos he's being strange again
He's wearing women's clothing, He's so origional because
He sucked the cock of SATAN
Just to prove how great he was
He sold a thousand records, but at corporate request
He bought a tin of hair dye and some stupid latex breasts
The whole world fucking loves him,
But nobody seems to know
It was done by fat old rockers about a hundred years ago

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AVON LADYSHAVE

First window canvassing, Jehovas witnessing
I never asked for you to call.
Well aint life such a breeze when shit is happening
I'll never ask for you to stay.
It's not my aim in life
To receive warm smiles from a cold bitch.
Get lost, go fucking die,
Go drive your car into a ditch.
I guess your foot is sore, been stuck inside my door
Each & every other Saturday
How much we misbehave close Avon Ladyshaves
What part of fuck off don t you understand?
Avon lady FUCK OFF.
Its not my aim in life
To receive warm smiles from a cold bitch.
Get lost go fucking die
And every Saturday we say

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BOOKS ARE GOOD BUT TANKS ARE BETTER

Nostradamus has scared the world to death
Predicting world wars and when the world would end
Scary stories about when the end is nigh
And how the aircraft will fall from out the sky.
Well now he's dead but still his legacy lives on
And we're all worried about bug millennium.
Not the end of the world I think you'll find.
If books are good then mine' s a pint.
I don't believe that I'll be dead this time next year.
I'm not prepared to spend the rest of my life in fear.
Can't believe all of these people, insincere.
As the grass is growing greener.
Wasting time, wasting lives exercising fears
That we have only got one more year left to live.
Working from early through lunch until too late
What's the point if you think you know your fate.
Live for tomorrow if your sure it wont arrive
Or remain so sad and miserable until you die.
Where's the boundaries that you were born to cross
If tanks are better, we've already lost.

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OI, MULLET......NO!

Something's growing (On his head)
And it looks so stupid (On his head)
No fringe benefits (On his head)
What the fucks that on his head
1984 is (On his head)
Got the signs of metal (On his head)
No-one talks to him (On his head)
Sitting pretty (On his head)
Looking pretty ugly (On his head)
Looking pretty shit (On his head)
What the fucks that on his head
And its oh so adverse (On his head)
But not oh so perverse (On his head)
As you might expect (On his head)
Any you look like Yannick Gers.

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WAGE SLAVE

Wage slave? don't know what I wanna be
But give me half a chance
And then gone is what I'm gonna be
Blinkers off, brain don't need a wash.
WAGE SLAVE NO MORE.
22, unhappy still nothing changing, never will.
One day turning 23, take a long hard look at me
Work the same shit every day, 9-5 Planet GA
Dived head first into a hole.
Dear boss I've figured it out
I'm young and free and I want out.
I realise what I give up
And the money' s good but I've had enough.
Thanks for the chance you gave
But I've had more than I can take
But its hot outside, the seasons high,
And I may be skint, but at least I'm getting
Something with my life, something that I feel inside.
Just want you to know the score
I don't belong here any more
I'm sick and tired of getting bored
And I don't wanna work no more,
I don't wanna work any more.
Tesco's and then HMV, work has changed so much for me
Shirt and tie on every day, selling out in every way
Sure hope no-one sees me here,
Just my way to buy my beer.
Wage slave no more.

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VIRTUAL BIRD

Ernest was my virtual pet
He had to be let down to rest.
(Ernest went and died on me)
I loved him until his final chirp
But now he s dead he doesn't work
(Ernest went and died on me)
But what comes around gets to grow again
Coming round alive until the battery's dead
It s a humane way of killing things.
Oh my bird so virtual
I know I should have fed you more.
(Ernest went and died on me)
At £9.99 I'm sure
I should have bought the dinosaur
(Ernest went and died on me).

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SATAN EATS CHEESE

Wasted breath on what I said and I wasted it on you.
Well I ve been polite, but now uptight
And you re arrogant & rude
You gave me some seafood shit didn't ask for it
I only wanted Bolognese.
Something with out cheese please or I ll disagree
When you re asking me to pay.
Am I to starve myself till late
When your foods so out of date.
Call yourself a waiter I've been waiting here all day
Yes I refuse to compromise I ain't gonna pay the price
One more time and I ll remind you that this shit ain't nice
And Satan eats cheese.
Wasted time, feel like I'm dying, so violently I puke
Oh so projectile and I'm not so sorry
That it happened over you
Because the smile on your face is in the poorest taste
And you know I'm allergic
But the state of your shirt it could have been averted
If you spiked my drink instead.
So you put Stilton through the grate
And embedded it in the plate
Knowing that the curry s going to take away the taste
Well I'm not a masochist and its impossible to resist
Rolling around the floor in agony I'm allergic.
Can you help me out? I thought you were my friend?
I'd never do this to you & I don't want to play dead.
And if I'm to search? No more I'll find no open doors.

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JABBA WAS A COUCH POTATO

- This was written years ago when Chris Was Pissed and he still hasn't got any set lyrics - (and probably never will).
OI OI OI lots, then you're on your own.

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More copyright stuff......sorry :(
All lyrics (c) C.G Goodman 1999
Except Wage Slave (c) C.G Goodman & K. Desei 1999
and The Life Of Brian (c) M. Kennedy 1999

Yet again, if you want to use the lyrics for anything else......just ask.