How to...


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   |   H O W   T O   B U I L D   Y O U R   O W N   T R A N S P O R T E R   |
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1. Construct a Heisenberg Compensator.

   a) Locate a domestic microwave oven.
        .---------------.
        |.-----------.  |
        ||           |()|
        ||           |oo|
        |'-----------'  |
         """""""""""""""   
   b) Removing the outer casing from the and pull out the magentron.

        .---------------.
        |.-----------.  |
        ||           |()|
        ||           |oo|   (Don't skip this step or you won't be
        ||___________|__|   able to derive the precise vector and
               .'.'         positional data of particles at a
             .'.'           subatomic level).
            _:_:____
           [XXXXXXXX]
            """"""""
        |---------------|
         """""""""""""""
      Leave the wires attached to the magnetron.

2.    Glue it to the primary induction terminals on the No.7 Transporter
      circuit (Tandy / Radio Shack) taking care not to reverse the polarity .
                     _____________
                    |##TT####ooo##|
                    |##++#-#I=##-#|
                    |##=#HH<>#=#I.|
                    |#############|
                     """""""""""""

                 (Use Metal-Glue)
                  ___________
                 ||          \___ 
                 ||           |__|
                 ||__________/


3. Take 2 metres of coaxial cable

                __...---...---...---...---...---...---

   and attach the secondary induction terminals of the transport
   circuit to a pair of Pattern buffers.

   I haven't worked out how to multiplex the buffers so you'll have
   to operate these in synchronization when you adjust the frequency 
   for the doppler effect or else the subject could get "transporter 
   psychosis".

   If you can't locate genuine pattern buffers take two condenser 
   microphones and tape them between two pairs of frisbees.
                                    _...---------..._
            __...---...---'''---===(-----------------)
                                    ~---.........---~
                                    _...---------..._
            __...---...---'''---===(-----------------)
                                    ~---.........---~

4. Fit the components to the inside of a Telephone box
     
                __..---'''---...___
              .'                   '.
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             |_|___________________|_|



5. Bolt a Satelite dish to the top of the telephone box.
                   .
                  /
                 /
               _.   o
              [_]====\
              ||'
              || \
              ||  \
              ||   '

   and connect to the magnetron using coxial cable.


7. Take a pair of car jumper cables (heavy duty)

    >8============================8<
    >8============================8<


8. Connect one end to a 12v Car Battery
            +         -
           _n_________n_
          |             |
          |             |
          |             |
          |_____________| 

9. Connect the other ends to the power terminals of the transporter
   circuit and there we have it!


I'm still working on the rematerialisation chamber and would really
appreciate it if anyone could let me know of a source of dilithium
crystals and antimatter.

* CAUTION * It only takes one handful of antimatter to rip the
atmosphere off a planet so wear thick gloves if you find some.



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   |   H O W   T O   M A K E   A   T H E R M O N U C L E A R   D E V I C E  |
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If  you  enjoyed  building  the  transporter device I recently described, you'll
really love this one - it will make you an even bigger hit at parties.


1.    .--------.       Visit  your  local junk yard and get a lead box or if you
      |========|       can't find one, use an old coffee can.
      |        |   
      | ------ |       Obtain  107kg of weapons grade Plutonium. This is readily
      | Coffee |       available from the Russian Mafia.
      | ------ |       Wash your hands after handling and don't  allow  children 
      |        |       or pets to eat it). Store the Plutonium in the can.
      |________| 
   
2.      ______
   ____|[____]|____     
  |                | 
  |                | 
  |                |   You'll need a metal enclosure to house the device.
  |                |   Any  common  variety  of  sheet metal can be bent to the
  |                |   desired shape as can  a  metal  briefcase but DO NOT use
  |                |   aluminium foil.
  |                |
  |                |
  |________________|

3.
       .-:##:-.         
      /  |##|  \      Arrange the Plutonium in two hemisphere held 3cm apart by
     |   |##|   |     rubber cement.
      \  |##|  /
       `-:##:-'
4.
      _.-""""-._    
    .'          `.  
   /   .-:##:-.   \   Pack the outside of the Plutonium with a thick  layer  of
  |   /  |##|  \   |  gelignite.  If  you  can't get gelignite you can used TNT
  |  |   |##|   |  |  packed in Playdo or any modeling clay. It  is  acceptable  
  |   \  |##|  /   |  to  use  coloured  clay  but there's no need for anything
   \   `-:##:-'   /   fancy.
    `._        _.'
       `-....-'
5. 
        ______
   ____|[____]|____     
  |   _.-""""-._   | 
  | .'          `. | 
  |/   .-:##:-.   \|
  |   /  |##|  \   |  Fix  the  structure to the inside of the metal case using
  |  |   |##|   |  |  strong glue such as SupaGlue or similar. This must  be  a
  |   \  |##|  /   |  firm bond to prevent accidental detonation resulting from
  |\   `-:##:-'   /|  vibration or mishandling.
  | `._        _.' |
  |____`-....-'____|
   

6.      ______
   ____|[____]|____     
  |                |  Attach an RC (radio controlled) servo  mechanism  as  used
  |                |  in  model  aircraft  and  cars to the case and fix a small 
  |       __       |  plunger to the servo. 
  |      /MM\      |   
  |      \WW/      |  Remote detonation is achieved when the plunger  strikes  a
  |                |  detonator cap. These can be found in the electrical supply   
  |                |  section  of  your  local supermarket. A good brand to look
  |                |  out for is "Blasto-O-Matic".
  |________________|  


     You are now the pround owner of what used to be known as an "Atom Bomb".

  Theoretically the device works when the denotated TNT compresses the Plutonium
  into  a  crital  mass.  This  critical  mass produces a nuclear chain reaction 
  similar to the domino effect (named after the disasterous domino  incident  in
  Hiroshima  in  1945  in  which  thousands of people died). The chain  reaction 
  instantaneously produces a massive thermonuclear reaction commonly known as  a 
  10 megaton explosion.
       

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   |   H O W   T O   M A K E   A   P L A S T I C   B O T T L E   R O C K E T  |
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Introduction
============

I built this with my kids last weekend. It went higher than our house.

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                        /___|   ||   |___\
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The way this works is very simple (just like a toy pop gun or
pneumatic spud gun) the bottle fills with air and the air begins to
compress and it builds up pressure. This pressure eventually gets
strong enough to blow out the the stopper, but since the stopper is on
the ground it pushes the bottle up into the air.


Materials Needed
================

. Empty plastic fizzy drink bottle (2 litre)
. One cork or rubber stopper (with hole through)
. Car tyre foot pump
. Adaptor for inflating footballs 
. Pole or bamboo cane
. card or plastic tube
. Adhesive tape
. Card or plastic to make cone and fins/wings (optional)


SAFETY NOTE
===========
Only use a plastic fizzy drink bottle because these are designed to
withstand internal pressure. 

You will probably get wet.


How to make it
==============

                                -= STEP 1 =-

Push the pole into the ground and check that the tube slides easily
the full length.

                          ||
                          ||<---------- pole
                          ||
                          ||
                          ||
                         |  |
                         |  |
                         |  |<--------- tube
                         |  |
                         |  |
                         |__|
                          ||
                          ||
                          ||
                          ||
                          ||
                          ||
           _______________||______________________



                                -= STEP 2 =-

Tape the tube to the the bottle. 

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                              ||  ||
                             /      \
                          __|        |
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                         |  |        |
                         |__|________|
                         |___________|
                         |  |        |
                         |__|        |
                            |        |
                            |        |
                            |        |
                            |        |
                             \      /
                              `-..-'



                                -= STEP 3 =-

Take the cork or stopper (should fit tightly in the bottle) and push
the adaptor into the hole. This should be a tight fit. You could use
vasoline to help make a good seal.

                              ________
                             |  |  |  |
                             |  |  |  |
                             |  ||||  |
                             |  ||||  | <----- stopper
                             |  ||||  |
                             |  ||||  |
                             |__||||__|
                                 ||
                                /  \
                               |    | <------- adaptor
                               |____| 



                                -= STEP 4 =-

You can attach a nose cone and fins/wings to the bottle at this
stage although the rocket will fly without them.

                                /\
                               /  \
                              /    \
                             /______\
                          __|        |
                         |  |        |
                         |  |        |
                         |__|________|
                         |___________|
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                         |_/|   ||   |\
                          / |   ||   | \
                         /  |   ||   |  \
                        /___|   ||   |___\
                            |        |
                             \      /
                              ||__||





                                -= STEP 5 =-

Fill bottle 1/4 of the way with water.
Firmly push in stopper (with adapter fitted).

                                /\
                               /  \
                              /    \
                             /______\
                          __|        |
                         |  |        |
                         |  |        |
                         |__|________|
                         |___________|
                         |  |        |
                         |_/|   ||   |\
                          / |   ||   | \
                         /  |   ||   |  \
                        /___|:::||:::|___\
                            |::::::::|
                             \::::::/
                              ||__||
                                ||



                                -= STEP 6 =-

Slide bottle onto pole.

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                         /|||   ||   |  \
                        /_|||...||...|___\
                          |||::::::::|
                          || \::::::/
                          ||  ||__||
           _______________||____||________________



                                -= STEP 7 =-

Slightly raise the rocket and connect the foot pump.
Start pumping. 
(may take 2-5 min. to until the pressure forces out the cork)

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                         /|||   ||   |  \
                        /_|||...||...|___\
                          |||::::::::|
                          || \::::::/
                          ||  ||__||
                          ||    ||
                          ||     \\_______________
           _______________||______`---------------

Have fun.

   

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