How to...
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| H O W T O B U I L D Y O U R O W N T R A N S P O R T E R |
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1. Construct a Heisenberg Compensator.
a) Locate a domestic microwave oven.
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b) Removing the outer casing from the and pull out the magentron.
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|| |oo| (Don't skip this step or you won't be
||___________|__| able to derive the precise vector and
.'.' positional data of particles at a
.'.' subatomic level).
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[XXXXXXXX]
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Leave the wires attached to the magnetron.
2. Glue it to the primary induction terminals on the No.7 Transporter
circuit (Tandy / Radio Shack) taking care not to reverse the polarity .
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|##TT####ooo##|
|##++#-#I=##-#|
|##=#HH<>#=#I.|
|#############|
"""""""""""""
(Use Metal-Glue)
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3. Take 2 metres of coaxial cable
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and attach the secondary induction terminals of the transport
circuit to a pair of Pattern buffers.
I haven't worked out how to multiplex the buffers so you'll have
to operate these in synchronization when you adjust the frequency
for the doppler effect or else the subject could get "transporter
psychosis".
If you can't locate genuine pattern buffers take two condenser
microphones and tape them between two pairs of frisbees.
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4. Fit the components to the inside of a Telephone box
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.' '.
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5. Bolt a Satelite dish to the top of the telephone box.
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and connect to the magnetron using coxial cable.
7. Take a pair of car jumper cables (heavy duty)
>8============================8<
>8============================8<
8. Connect one end to a 12v Car Battery
+ -
_n_________n_
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9. Connect the other ends to the power terminals of the transporter
circuit and there we have it!
I'm still working on the rematerialisation chamber and would really
appreciate it if anyone could let me know of a source of dilithium
crystals and antimatter.
* CAUTION * It only takes one handful of antimatter to rip the
atmosphere off a planet so wear thick gloves if you find some.
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| H O W T O M A K E A T H E R M O N U C L E A R D E V I C E |
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If you enjoyed building the transporter device I recently described, you'll
really love this one - it will make you an even bigger hit at parties.
1. .--------. Visit your local junk yard and get a lead box or if you
|========| can't find one, use an old coffee can.
| |
| ------ | Obtain 107kg of weapons grade Plutonium. This is readily
| Coffee | available from the Russian Mafia.
| ------ | Wash your hands after handling and don't allow children
| | or pets to eat it). Store the Plutonium in the can.
|________|
2. ______
____|[____]|____
| |
| |
| | You'll need a metal enclosure to house the device.
| | Any common variety of sheet metal can be bent to the
| | desired shape as can a metal briefcase but DO NOT use
| | aluminium foil.
| |
| |
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3.
.-:##:-.
/ |##| \ Arrange the Plutonium in two hemisphere held 3cm apart by
| |##| | rubber cement.
\ |##| /
`-:##:-'
4.
_.-""""-._
.' `.
/ .-:##:-. \ Pack the outside of the Plutonium with a thick layer of
| / |##| \ | gelignite. If you can't get gelignite you can used TNT
| | |##| | | packed in Playdo or any modeling clay. It is acceptable
| \ |##| / | to use coloured clay but there's no need for anything
\ `-:##:-' / fancy.
`._ _.'
`-....-'
5.
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| _.-""""-._ |
| .' `. |
|/ .-:##:-. \|
| / |##| \ | Fix the structure to the inside of the metal case using
| | |##| | | strong glue such as SupaGlue or similar. This must be a
| \ |##| / | firm bond to prevent accidental detonation resulting from
|\ `-:##:-' /| vibration or mishandling.
| `._ _.' |
|____`-....-'____|
6. ______
____|[____]|____
| | Attach an RC (radio controlled) servo mechanism as used
| | in model aircraft and cars to the case and fix a small
| __ | plunger to the servo.
| /MM\ |
| \WW/ | Remote detonation is achieved when the plunger strikes a
| | detonator cap. These can be found in the electrical supply
| | section of your local supermarket. A good brand to look
| | out for is "Blasto-O-Matic".
|________________|
You are now the pround owner of what used to be known as an "Atom Bomb".
Theoretically the device works when the denotated TNT compresses the Plutonium
into a crital mass. This critical mass produces a nuclear chain reaction
similar to the domino effect (named after the disasterous domino incident in
Hiroshima in 1945 in which thousands of people died). The chain reaction
instantaneously produces a massive thermonuclear reaction commonly known as a
10 megaton explosion.
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| H O W T O M A K E A P L A S T I C B O T T L E R O C K E T |
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Introduction
============
I built this with my kids last weekend. It went higher than our house.
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The way this works is very simple (just like a toy pop gun or
pneumatic spud gun) the bottle fills with air and the air begins to
compress and it builds up pressure. This pressure eventually gets
strong enough to blow out the the stopper, but since the stopper is on
the ground it pushes the bottle up into the air.
Materials Needed
================
. Empty plastic fizzy drink bottle (2 litre)
. One cork or rubber stopper (with hole through)
. Car tyre foot pump
. Adaptor for inflating footballs
. Pole or bamboo cane
. card or plastic tube
. Adhesive tape
. Card or plastic to make cone and fins/wings (optional)
SAFETY NOTE
===========
Only use a plastic fizzy drink bottle because these are designed to
withstand internal pressure.
You will probably get wet.
How to make it
==============
-= STEP 1 =-
Push the pole into the ground and check that the tube slides easily
the full length.
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| |<--------- tube
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-= STEP 2 =-
Tape the tube to the the bottle.
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`-..-'
-= STEP 3 =-
Take the cork or stopper (should fit tightly in the bottle) and push
the adaptor into the hole. This should be a tight fit. You could use
vasoline to help make a good seal.
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| |||| | <----- stopper
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| | <------- adaptor
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-= STEP 4 =-
You can attach a nose cone and fins/wings to the bottle at this
stage although the rocket will fly without them.
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-= STEP 5 =-
Fill bottle 1/4 of the way with water.
Firmly push in stopper (with adapter fitted).
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-= STEP 6 =-
Slide bottle onto pole.
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-= STEP 7 =-
Slightly raise the rocket and connect the foot pump.
Start pumping.
(may take 2-5 min. to until the pressure forces out the cork)
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Have fun.
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