The popularity of these pages in the paddock is reaching alarming levels, hence I would also like to say that these pages are written in a manner that is not aimed to offend anyone, but sometimes it's nice to include a bit of passion along the way as it happens on the day so a true picture of the events can be captured.

Finally (just to cover my ass in all respects), any comments made in connection with the organisation of the British Championship is the view shared by the masses and they are regurgitated on these pages in the hope that someone out there may just be able to make a difference. If there was one thing changed at every round the ship would sail a lot smoother.

Enough said. Oh Boy, what a weekend to remember.

Pre-Meeting 
I had stripped the bike and checked pistons, barrels, heads etc and decided that as they had only covered 150 miles, they would be OK for the duration of Oulton and the bike was re-assembled with loving care and new oil all round.

Final gearing was fitted at 15 tooth front and 38 tooth rear sprockets as this had enabled me in last years race to get into the 1:39 bracket and as always I was hoping to improve on this for this round.

New sliders were well received from WIZ Racing, just in time  for the meeting.

Thursday 18 May 2000
Oulton Park is nearly 5 hours drive (with a caravan) from Fleet, so Penny and I set off at 2.30pm to try to arrive during daylight hours which worked out as we arrived at 7pm, although the paddock was pretty full already. Rumor has it that although people arriving before 3pm were told that access could not be gained to the circuit until 3pm and were turned away, however when they returned at 2.30 there were large numbers setting up in the paddock. Weird!

We were directed over to the far right of the circuit, however as soon as we searched for a power socket we realised they were all taken up, so we ventured to other areas and found some free sockets and set up there. As soon as the awning was in place we tried to put the power on and there was nothing. Bugger, the set of sockets we linked into were all dead, so we reported it to the officials and they said the on site power people would get it sorted.

In the meantime, my old mate (OK, not so old) Mike Walker had turned up with his pose (the barrow boys) and they had an extension cable which we ran from the back of Ray Stringers lorry to my caravan (thanks Mike) and we in turn ran a 240V lead to Mike's lorry. Fortunately for us (not so good for them) is that we had just finished setting up and it pissed down. 

Friday 19 May 2000 - Free Practice
We were out at 15.20hrs for a 20min session so we had plenty of time to kill and although we tried to have a lie in the usual paddock activity had us all up at 10am. My mate Steve turned up a little after so I had to break the morning promise I had made to Penny...........
Cheers Mate! You are a life saver.

The rain had disappeared and the sun was out to play, plus the power fairies had restored the power to our caravan which was gratefully received. The beauty of having power on tap is there is no constant droning of generators, especially the ones that can't even run smoothly and burp every couple of beats. They are the worst offenders for causing headaches.

Although the weather was improving the track was still wet and there was little activity on the circuit. Bit of a waste of time actually as the other classes may have benefited from a wet practice, but as the whole morning session is for Superbikes only we just have to sit around and twiddle our thumbs.

The only problem with the Friday practice is it is run by the circuit owners, not the BMP, thus there is a real lack of marshal's which is a bit worrying from a safety angle as they appear to have the minimum requirement to meet insurance needs.

Sean Emmett eventually found where the lack of grip was and binned it in style, although he appeared to be OK which is the main thing.

When we went out I was surprised how easily I settled into a reasonably fast pace and although I was not setting the world on fire I was pleased to see my name 11th fastest at the end of this session, especially as the last time I rode was 3 weeks ago and most of the others had been out at least once during the break in other championships.

I had a good dice with Hilton Hinks who came past me into Cascades and as I tried to sling shot out of Old Hall I nearly rammed him and had to take evasive action over the rumbles. I waved my hand (no, not that type of wave) and shook my head as I was nearly inspecting his internals via a rear facing camera, however when I went over to see him after the session to say there was no malice in my head shaking, he apologised and said his bike had seized. Ooops!

While we are on the subject of Free Practice. there are some people (FORUM) lobbying for two 15 minute sessions, rather than one 20 min session which I feel would be far better. The reason for this being far better is that if you need to make a fundamental change to the bike to make it better (ie, replace fork springs, rear spring, change geometry, jetting, final gearing, gearbox ratios etc) you have some time between sessions to make these changes. In one 20 min session you spend 10 mins getting up to speed and then if you find the bike is not handling right you have no second chance and have to go into qualifying with the revised setting or leave it as it was. I feel two sessions would be both safer as there is not such a panic to get the bike sorted and also better for the teams so they can achieve a bike that accelerates, turns and stops faster and ultimately safer as the rider is not pushing the bike past the limit to keep on the pace which normally leads to a crash.

We stripped the bike again and decided to change the pistons and rings for qualifying so that the engine would be crisp and give us the best chance for a good time.

That night we started off at the bar and met up with Mike Walkers crew which provided a lot of laughs. In fact we laughed so much I thought I was going to break some ribs at one point. This went on to 2am which was more than enough for me as my jaw was aching and we eventually called it a night. Apparently they continued on with a pillow fight.
 

Saturday 20 May 2000 - 1st Qualifying Session
Well, what an absolute sad state of affairs this was.

I have to say that if BMP was a structured company and measured on performance (as in the real world),  there would be a few heads on the chopping block for this day as it reinforced the competitors view that the people at the top can't organise a piss up in a brewery.

Now this could all be rumour, however too many people aired the same story in the reason behind the delays, but it is as follows: The BMP organisors take over the responsibility of the circuit from 8am (or at least that's what time they want to start work). They then carried out a safety check on the circuit and came to the conclusion (just before the 1st session was bout to start) that the track was unsafe and changes had to be made.

Apparently the safety check was carried out on the Island Circuit first, then once they realised the full circuit was being used, they checked it again.

Where Sean Emmett fell was deemed unsafe (lack of red carpet, feather down's and gourmet food on tap I heard was the reason), so they brought in a 'man with a van' loaded to the hilt with tyres and set about raising the height of the tyre wall.

After another hour they decided it still was not high enough and requested bales of hay were positioned on top to hide the armaco. The 'man with the van' was given some cash and told to go to the local farmer to buy some hay. "Ere George, got any hay for sale.......Ay, that I have, but you'll have to get off my land first and than marry my daughter".

You can just imagine it can't you? 

Anyway, the plot thickens. I actually witnesses Stewart Higgs (Race Director) and Doug Barnfield (Event Director) unloading bales of hay from the 'man with a van' (well, actually Stewart was doing all the handywork and Doug stood by directing the events as per his title) and the marshal's were frantically trying to get bales in place. Good on you Stewart!

By this time we were due out, but the 125's had been to the collecting area and back twice and they must have been swearing till they were blue in the face as they were due out at 9am and it was now 11.30am.

Eventually BMP realised the riders ought to be reissued with a revised time sheet and guess what? Yep! the frigging Superbikes and Supersport class's had jumped the qualifying que and jumped in front of the 250 class. I guess this was on the basis of, "Oh please Doug, please can we push in, it looks like it's going to rain and I hate the rain it makes my bike all dirty and you know how hard they are to clean, oh pleeeeaaasss".

We were now out much later than programmed and were not at all happy (we, being the royal we of the entire 250 class). Fact of the matter is the 250 class were at one point going to lobby for a refund on entry fees as 1/2 a day had been wasted. Hey, if we are fined and penalised points for farting in the wrong direction why can't the organisors feel some pain when they screw up?

Just imagine......."Oh yes, hello Doug, I'm afraid the down payment on that Ferrari will have to be canceled until next month as you forgot to book the circuit and everyone has asked for their money back".

This handing over of circuit responsibility ought to be looked at sooner rather than later as these delays are a joke. The only way forward would be to examine the track as soon as the free practice session is concluded on the Friday and then make the changes in readiness for the early start on Saturday. I mean for the Safety person to arrive at 8am and practice starts at 9am is plain stupid as that allows one hour to make changes which has just been proven that is no where near enough time.

Fortunately the delays gave us a little time to sort out why there was suddenly no power going to our tyre warmers. A quick inspection revealed that someone (600 team) had removed our socket and put theirs in. Rather than take the same low level cowardly option I removed theirs and reinstalled ours (first come first served) and then diplomatically try to advise them that we had wasted 1/2 hr of tyre warmer time (cheers guys). Just imagine how diplomatic I might have been if I had fallen off due to cold tyres?

Anyway I provided them with a life line of power from our caravan to their awning and everyone was happy. Can't see why they could not adopt the same tact, but then maybe they feel they are more important? Especially when the guy I started talking to said, "That's not my area, you ought to be talking to my technician". I never saw his face, I guess it was too far up his own arse.

When we finally got to the collecting area (on slicks) it started to spit rain. Big spits. The type of spit that you reach deep for before fleming out into the breeze from a high vantage point to see if you can land it on some poor innocent passer by underneath. 

My plan was to get out and go ballistic from the start as the rain may get worse. As soon as we were given the all clear everyone launched out onto the track as if we were chasing the last woman alive after 6 pints of Guinness. You all know the feeling. If you don't I really think you ought to get out more.

Well if that were true, I would be the one asking what it was like and if it was as good as everyone says it is, as I had a plug foul within yards of exiting pit lane and had to go round the circuit on one cylinder. Believe me,  this feels so slow it's almost dangerous. I kept looking behind to make sure I was not going to be a mobile roundabout, but thankfully I made it back in one piece and frantically removed the belly pan with Steve (my mechanic). Out with the old plug and in with a new one. Started it up, gloves on and................bugger, the other one went down. 

Off with the tank and airbox cover. "Screwdriver please Steve, No a Screwdriver!" "That is a screwdriver he replied", "No that's a frigging phillips screwdriver". Anyway we laughed about it after. Apparently that's a cross head screwdriver, not a phillips. Out with the old plug and in with the new again. Started the bike up and it sounded sweet again. Hang on, where is the right hand tank rubber? There are two circular rubber connectors that join the fairing to the fuel tank and one had gone walkies in all the panic. Eventually after some time searching we used gaffa tape to make the duct. Simple but effective. Learnt that kind of technique from Blue Peter.

The rubber turned up in someone's toolbox as the wind has blown it off the seat into a passers toolbox. Who would have thought it?

Out onto the track and all my thought were that I must go fast to qualify before the rain gets worse. Well (time to blow my own trumpet here) I was like a guided missile. The track was fairly empty as most people were either changing tyres or waiting to see what happened with the rain  and I was in my hamster ball going round without stopping, thus the tyres were getting hotter and hotter which in turn made them work better under the conditions.

At one point I thought I was missing something as I hurtled past Chris Bishop up through Clay Hill and then shot past Hilton Hinks on the brakes into Old Hall at the end of the straight. Everyone was looking very nervous about how far to push it, but I was trying to push harder with every lap as I had no slides at all, although some riders had fallen at Knickerbrook.

The chequred flag came out and I shot round to do a plug chop.

As Steve has all our numbers being repainted we had no pit board, so all I knew was I had managed a 1:43.016s in tricky conditions via my on board lap timer and I knew was not too bad considering the conditions.

Well, knock me down with a feather.

Imagine my reaction (or erection, whichever happened first) when Penny came rushing up in Park Ferme to tell me I was 2nd on the grid, Yep! I said, "Your having a fucking laugh."

What can I say, it was true. I was 2nd on the grid, although we had another session later in the day so I did not count all my chickens but had plenty of time feeding them (private joke).

I rushed to the awning, had a shower, did my hair and put on some smellies in anticipation of all the interviews and press coverage.

After waiting an hour (maybe they couldn't find me. I was tucked away in the depths of the paddock) I got on with the job of stripping the bike and checking all was well, then I sat down and prayed for rain.

I popped in to see Hilton and the team and he was just as amazed at the position as I was. "Be Jesus, you're fucking mad. Fair play to you" he said, which was pretty good of him.

We were then visited by Mike and Dick Herzberg, who also conveyed their delight. Thanks guys. Nice hat Dick.

I could not stop smiling. I had set pole position for most of the session and was only demoted to 2nd by Gary Haslam on his last lap by 6 hundredths of a second. I mean I can't even fart as quick as that (believe me I've timed them), however I was in front of Ian Bennett, Jason Davis, John McGuiness, Calum Ramsay, Darren Barton etc to name just a few. John was on the second row for once. He must have been gutted to see two self-funded (Ian & Us) bikes in front of him taking the glory.

Still, it's not over until the fat lady sings and I carried on praying for rain and decided that if it did not rain we would whizz around the circuit with buckets of water to make it look as though it had rained. Clever hey?

Saturday 20 May 2000 - 2nd Qualifying Session
Halleluya! My prayers were answered and the heavens opened upon Oulton Park. It was pissing it down so I decided not to waste my time by maybe falling off in the rain and opted to watch. I mean, how often do you get to the front row on a standard Honda? Exactly.

I have to say that Hilton Hinks, Jason Davis and John McGuiness all looked pretty good in the rain, in fact Hilton 'The Rain Man' Hinks set a fastest lap of 1:55.402s in the rain which was almost a clear second faster than anyone else which is quite impressive.

We later polished the bike until it gleamed in readiness for the race while all those mad wet weather riders dried out their clothes etc.

That night we went to the bar for some celebrating and also met up with Darren Jones and his mate Humpty as well as Gavin (John Pearsons brother/mechanic). Me old mate John Pearson was suffering from a high side exiting Knickerbrook which is very fast and he had hurt his ankle which was rather swollen, so I sent Penny over to reduce the swelling and I heard she had done the trick, whatever that was. Anyway, it always works for me.

Darren had had a nasty fall at Knickerbrook and almost torn his little finger off. He had to dissapear for an operation that evening to get it sorted. Owch!

Later that night Mike Walker demonstrated how to eat cold custard straight from the fridge (pictures to be shown exclusively here later in the week) and also how to burn your fingers when grilling potato waffles when under the influence.

Poor bloke had only come in his shorts for the weekend (Oh, Errr missus) and then had managed to piss over his only pair of socks to which was the main focal point for the weekend, the subject of socks. It's a bit like the Cadburys cream egg adverts, "What do you do with yours".

Sunday 21 May - Race - 16 laps
I was more nervous now than my first ever club race. Being on the front row brings a lot of pressure and I am sure that even if you are a regular front row qualifier, the pressure is never far away.

To make things worse for me there were three toilet cubicles being shared by the entire paddock and now the public as they wandered around the paddock. The que to the toilets was ridiculous and unless something is done at the next round I think the Environmental Health ought to be called in as it is disgusting and the circuit organisors should not be allowed to get away with the lack of facilities any more. We are all human beings with a desire for creature comforts when spending a weekend away, not cattle being forced to piss up bushes etc.

BMP need to provide adequate toilet facilities to accommodate the numbers, although I am sure they have heated toilets in their ivory towers and don't even recognise there is a problem.

I met up with Sheila Dean this weekend and although we have been passing numerous e-mails over the last few years it was good to put a face to a name and I would also like to thank her for the Guiness and the toilet roll (want to know what that's all about? e-mail me), or send your answers on a postcard to: "What's the bog roll for Darren?" competition. Thanks again and I hope to take you up on your offer soon. That sounds terrible doesn't it?

I watched Mike Walker in the production class and although he had a snapped chain in qualifying he was allowed to start at the back of the grid as his pace was good during wet qualifying. It was a good race and he made good progress through the field, although there was a moment at Old Hall where I thought his R1 was going to become a window box. Well done mate. Sorry to hear about the wrists pumping up, but maybe you ought to give them a rest between races.

Darren Jones appeared from his hospital visit to report that although the finger has been saved it will be another 3 weeks wait before they can comment as to it's long term healing. Sorry to hear about that mate, but to every cloud there is a sliver lining and just think if it had been your right hand? Wish you a speedy recovery.

We were allowed 5min of practice once pit lane has opened which should be good for three or four laps and they went by very quickly, however I felt quite good for the race.
 

So, this is what the view is like from the Front Row

John McGuinness in the background looking serious

Once formed up on the grid, Fred the commentator came over and I had a brief interview with him which was great. Apparently I sounded quite calm an composed, however I felt as though I was laughing like a deranged psychopath. Then we had the TV cameras all over me like a sack of fleas. After watching the GP's on TV I had the little wave and wink to the camera off to a tea. Even made the camera man laugh. He was probably thinking, "Yea, wink and wave all you like mate, this one's got no film in".

I asked Penny to ensure she had as many pictures of John McGuiness in the background as possible. Might as well milk the situation for all it's worth as it might no happen again for a while, well, maybe Silverstone will be the next chance...........Hmmmmmm.

Sirens sounded and all grid personnel are off the grid. Warm up lap given and I gave chase to John McGuiness. All was fine until entering Island Bend when the front just slid. I slid across the track and only just stopped sliding with 6 inches to spare before I entered the 'Don't go there' zone. Believe me that would have been very embarrassing crashing on the warm-up lap. I recovered well and gave chase, although I was wondering why that had happened.

Formed up again on the grid and prayed for a good start. Lights green and I was off. I had a good one, although Jason Davis chopped my nose off going from the left to the right of the grid and I had to give a little (not a lot though). All was going well until Island Bend and the bike drifted again, Fffffuuuckckking hell.

That cost me a place or two and although I was good everywhere else, I was loosing time down Cascades and into Island Bend where the front suspension  would not let the bike turn. After a few laps I was being passed almost one a lap, than the pace car came out and the gap I had between myself and those behind was swallowed up. Any advantage built was now buggered.

The reason that the front end was not a problem yesterday was due to the fact that I am now going three seconds a lap faster, hence the forces on the front are different and the front is not using much travel in the fast turns, thus the bike is not pitching down and it is trying to go straight. Very demanding physically too as I am having to hold the bike down in the fast turns which is not good.

The pace car was out for two laps and every now and again the pace would go race mode and then back off. I saw Tim Levy in front almost hit the back of Stephen Thompsons bike due to this accordion effect being set by the front. Bit dangerous really.

Then Lee Jackson overtook Tim under pace car yellows, realised his mistake and waved him back past. Tim shot past with two fingers waving and Lee put a hand out to apologise, although I never realised Tim had eyes in his arse. Must watch out for that.

This was odd for me as the relaxed mood of following the pace car kind of releases the red mist and when the pace car finally moved into pit lane my concentration was a little shot and I had to try to get the aggression back again for racing.

I was passed by Tom Tunstall and gave chase, however every lap I could gain on him over clay hill, but loose more time at Island Bend, then Gary Jackson came past and pulled a little gap.

This made me a little frustrated and I got him back going into Lodge. He then retook me in Cascades, but went wide enough for me to go underneath him on the exit. Back at Island Bend and surprise surprise he was past again. Bloody front end.

I chased him for a few laps and reeled him in on the last lap where I had two opportunities to make a move, however I decided to play safe and keep the points, rather than risk us both going down which appears to not have been the same though process for others.

I ended up 12th across the line, just  0.058s behind Gary which I was pleased at. My fastest lap of the race was 1:40.193s which was just 2.579s slower than John McGuiness' s fastest lap of the race. If I had Cascades and Island Bend sorted I think I would be low 39's or even breaking into the 38s, so I am on the pace and heading in the right direction.

I am currently 11th in the Championship which is superb for me considering the lack of sponsorship we have and at present the grid is moving to TSR chassis which is out of my reach financially, however I believe that if Jason Vincent can set lap records on the standard Honda chassis there should be no reason why others can't follow, although a TSR turns much better than a Honda chassis.

John McGuiness took the win, followed by Lee Jackson and Jason Davis which was no surprise. Based upon the split times I was 11th fastest along the start finish straight and 7th fastest over Clay Hill, but 3mph down on McGuiness's bike in both splits which is a huge difference in speed. Wish I had an A kit.

I am still smiling and at present can't see when it will stop, however I must sort out the front end as it will be the same type of high speed corner problem at Snetterton which is our next round on 24/25 June.

Thanks to all those who wished me luck and made the effort to say Well Done and I hope we can be up there again soon. It certainly was an experience I wish to revisit.

Watch this space!