This is a mirror for the chaps at b3ta, who tend to eat bandwith a bit. This page is originally from the cool things section at www.funkster.org
Woman Hat
Fil was here. We wanted something to do. We decided to make a hat out of women. Here are the results [ :o) ]
Introduction
One Monday evening, Fil had come around as he was doing some temp work at my workplace for the rest of that week. We felt that it would be a good idea to make something to celebrate his presence and to stop us from watching evil evil evil television. Fil was on the phone to Rob, who was bored and wanted a suggestion of something to do. Fil suggested that he make something, and I piped up with the idea that he should make a hat. Rob didn't bother of course, so we kept the idea for ourselves and decided to spend our evening creating headgear.
Having decided on this activity, we cast around for materials to make our hat out of. Our eyes fell upon my discarded 2003 FHM calender, and the concept of a Woman Hat was born!

Hat Theory
The first thing we had to do was come up with a hat design. We thought about a top hat shape but decided that that would be a bit boring, and too easy. Instead we decided to make a Philly (Gatsby if you prefer), using this hat as a pattern:


We took some basic measurements from the hat, and scaled them up as we wanted to make a bigger, more pimp-sized hat. Using an 8-segment design as in the black hat, we came up with the following shape for one segment based on the head size shown:


We needed a way to copy this shape onto our stock, and also assess the resulting content of that segment. The best way, we decided, was to make a frame with the relevant shaped hole in it, through which we could view the stock, and mark it for cutting by running a pen around the inside of the hole. Here's Fil with the finished jig - and as you can see in the second picture, the cut from the hole to the outside has been joined with pin-point precision (divisions on the ruler are 100ths of an inch):


Manufacturing Procedures
Armed with our jig, we set about mutilating the calender - choosing the choicest cut of each girl so that we would end up with a hat of unequalled hotness. Into the mix went the following:
We taped (We did briefly think about using staples for this hat, and found a box of staples for this purpose. On the staple box was written "56 Range", which intrigued us - was this some kind of measure of the number of sheets paper you could staple? Or the maximum thickness of the stack? The internet did not yield a satisfactory answer to this question, although it seems most likely that the 56 range is a group of products sold by Rexel. Anyway, I digress...) the centres together first, giving us a slightly domed umbrella-style piece which looked very promising:


The next step was to curve the outer end of each segment in to meet its neighbour, turning the hat into a full 3D shape. This was a little bit tricky as our segment shape was a bit too wide at its widest point, but after some trimming we got it to fit. At this point we could try the hat on for size:


We left it at that for Monday evening, as we had to get up for work the next day. On Tuesday, we carried on with it as soon as we got home. The only remaining task was to fabricate the brim, for which we had reserved the thicker outer cover of the calender. To get an idea of the width required, we simply put the whole cover picture into the front of the hat and put it on Fil's head. The result was wierd. Scary, in fact:


It took us a while to shake off that image, but we managed and went on to create the brim, using just this lady's (who is she?) eyes.

Results and Discussion
Here are the pictures of the finished product:


While taking these photos, we discovered that if we pulled the visor down low over our eyes, the model's eyes became our own. The result? Really really really really frighteningly scary:


Conclusions and Recommendations
So there we have it! We created a hat, using only an old calender, some tape, and our superior intellects. We are truly all-powerful, or maybe totally insane. It's quite a nice looking hat, don't you think? Look out for us in a town near you soon, as we'll be wearing it out as soon as the weather's nice.
Would we recommend this activity to others? Yes, we would, but our advice is that you avoid any freaky eye-replacing visor type stuff, as it is just too wierd. Stay away from eyes and you'll be fine.

If we were to do this experiment again, we would use more breasts.

Acknowledgments
We would like to thank all the lovely ladies in the FHM calender, including Jennifer Love Hewitt who sadly could not be included in the hat due to excessive print size. I would like to give extra special thanks to Leeann, and Fil's honourable mention goes to Jennifer. It's the eyes, he says.

We would also like to acknowledge that Holly Valance's face goes quite well with Shakira's body and hair:


Thanks for reading!
This project was brought to you by Olly and Fil, for and on behalf of Funky Plum Productions. We hope you enjoyed reading our report, and if you did please take a look at all the other random tat here on www.funkster.org