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About A. Pratt A. Pratt has been writing articles for us on and off for some time now - he was responsible for the comment sections on the Seasonal Area in 2006 if anyone remembers those. One has been saved for posterity and is now available below as Article 1. His extreme right-wing and authoritarian inclinations are tempered by extreme left-wing and libertarian views, resulting in elements of personal confusion, an inability to make a point and a habit of contradicting himself. He votes Tory, except when he votes Whig (Lib-Dem), and occasionally proclaims that he wants one of the unimportant minor parties to do well in an election because it will annoy people. He does not support the Government because Governments never do what he wants. This isn't hard, as he doesn't quite know what he wants, and some of his demands would prevent his other demands from being carried out. He declines to prioritise any issues as this would result in undesirable compromise, although he will vote for almost anyone offering to reverse the transport policies of Ernest Marples . He will happily compromise on any issue which he doesn't really care about. A. Pratt was born in Kettering, one of the 70 seats where 1,000 voters have the honour of deciding each general election. Kettering has non-league minor football team. He has a minor interest in football. His religious convictions are those which can be expected of someone who only attended church until he was 4. After moving to Wales he attended one of the local sink schools and lives in an area where the local MP has given up hope and doesn't even turn out for election campaigns. A. Pratt has a low level of belief in science, health experts, celebrity chefs, quacks, lawyers and politicians, except when it suits his personal interests to say otherwise. Most of his arguments could not be backed up by any evidence, although they are not generally of Daily Mail quality. His first name is witheld to prevent privacy intrusions. His credit card details, passport number, fingerprints and iris scans will be available on any freely-available lost Government ID card laptop in any first class rail carriage in a non-encrypted format once ID cards become compulsory. |
His Articles
1) Green Energy - How to Not Use It.
A. Pratt's oldest available effort can be found on page 13 of this website, discussing uses of green energy and how it should be carried out. This may just count as a valid comment.
2) Railways - History and Future
How the railways have been screwed up over the years - and how they could be partially unscrewed. Probably counts as comment.
Three Pigs and the Planning Department of the local authority - who will win? This is jolly good fun for most people and satire for those who want satire.
4) Cinderella
Satirical stories based on fairy tales are very easy to produce if you get a half-decent angle. So another one has been written and here it is.
5) Croess
A vaguely satirical game, composed with the help of A. Pratt. By his own admission it is best described as Tripe.
6) The House.
Based on a housing estate, this way of looking at the world around us is a satire.
7) How To Control Your Government
Although this article is written in the style of the How To... section and carries an appropriate title, this page has been attached to here after being classed as Comment.
8) After Expenses: Is it time to abolish the House of Commons?
This article has been classed as Comment, though no-one is quite sure what basis was used for this.
Some people may prefer to think of it as Comment; others may consider it Tripe.
Public Relations work
These sections involve a great deal of public relations and so have been moved to the Comment, Satire and Tripe Department, which aims to handle the Order's public appearances. This was originally based on the idea that a "Comment" department should also comment on the OB, followed by the view that it would be able to comment better if it controlled the areas which it was commenting on.
Currently there are unpleasant rumours that these areas are likely to be axed - something about them being out of step in some respect.
1) Money
The Order of the Bed's money-related operations, set up with the same idea as any other money-related operations of this day and age - to make more money.
2) Health and Safety Department
Working from a carefully crafted rulebook and created with the assistance of A. Pratt and his team of consultants, the Order of the Bed Health and Safety Department ensures the safety of all employees by blocking the employment of any. The Department, meanwhile, eats up the budget and the bandwidth with silly Bills. (Eating excessive bandwidth is a great claim because if it is proved wrong then it means that the page isn't getting any visitors.)
3) Miscellaneous odds and ends
Also with suggestions from A. Pratt - a series of laws which may be enacted in the event of the OB gaining power in the UK. Or, then again, they may fall foul of general public opinion and never see regular use.
4) Press releases section
This section is provided in case the OB needs to make a formal statement of some kind. So far it has never needed to, so no page has been provided and no number has been allocated. Nothing will happen if you click on it. If enough complaints are received a press release may be made explaining the situation.