THE ORDER OF THE BED MONEY
A WONDERFUL INSURANCE SCHEME
For us
Insure your life in the world's first
insurance scheme that will pay out no matter what the cause of
death unless it can be certified that suicide was the cause. The
Order of the Bed is now ready to make this fabulous new offer
available to you!
We will stream you into one of two groups:
Rich: Income of or above £20,000
per year.
Insurance Premium: £50,000 per year.
Pay out upon death:
£2 as we reckon you can afford it.
Poor: Income of below £20,000 per
year
Insurance Premium: £20,000 per year.
Pay out upon death:
The income that would have been earned had the deceased stayed
alive for five more years without promotion or at level that they
would be at if death came as a result of promotion.
As can be seen there are many glorious advantages
of joining the Order of the Bed insurance scheme. We will also
provide you with wonderful advice on health and safety to follow
in order to prolong your life for many years to come, which will
arrive with your form of subscription along with any upgrades
which will accompany future bills.
We hope you will enjoy using our insurance.
The Small Print:
The Founder's decision on cause of
death and payout will be based on information available at time
of death only and no further correspondence will be entered into.
The decision will be taken within 28 OB working days of death
and will be with you within 32 Royal Mail working days unless
hindered by delivery problems. Premiums must be paid within 14
OB working days of bill send-out otherwise insurance will be cancelled.
Premium charged once every 12 months and direct debit is not an
accepted form of payment. The Order of the Bed cannot be held
responsible for any suspicious suicides which may be commited
by dying clients. Insurance is not available for bankrupts, pensioners,
beggars or those of associated groups or those on the dole. We
are sorry to say that insurance is not available for those in
earthquake zones, those in war zones, heads of state, ethnic minorities
living in racist areas or those who take drugs, drive or fly on
a regular basis. Clients who are in prison, hospital with serious
or fatal injuriers and/or illnesses or sentanced to execution
for crimes may have their insurance withdrawn especially as we
consider ourselves to be above the former and latter people and
as a result consider ourselves to be unable to serve them. For
security reasons, the insured must appear in person and sign for
his/her insurance following the demise of the insured. For saftey
reasons, we request that you do not bring the body along as proof
of death as The Order of the Bed Health and Saftey Department
has banned bodies in OB buildings to help prevent infection.
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