I've often encountered people who describe themselves as "only" a transvestite, as if this was some kind of second class citizenship of the transgendered community. I'll come clean here and say that I do not understand what inner need is completely satisfied by cross-dressing. Like many transsexuals, I went through a phase where I cross-dressed because it felt right to do so, without realising that this was, in my case, a secondary manifestation of other inner issues. For a while, I was a happy trannie. [I know that some regard the word "trannie" as pejorative. I use it with great affection.]
I have met several other people, who would also call themselves transvestite, that are so female in their outlook that I wonder whether it is merely force of circumstance that inhibits them from considering transition. Indeed, one close friend has made exactly this observation about her situation: "If my partner fell under a bus tomorrow, I'd seriously consider transition." On the other hand I've met some most convincing TVs who are perfectly happy and in touch with their male side. I am not wise enough to understand their motivations and cannot pass any judgement. I enjoy their company greatly and that's enough. I guess labels are a very blunt instrument.
I can see that transvestites have a problem with identity. This was explained a few nights ago to me by a good friend. As a transsexual, I can argue that I have a fairly clear idea about who and what I am. A transvestite may find themself between two worlds, feeling that they don't really belong to either. (Not all those who call themselves transvestite will feel this, but many do, I'm certain.) They have no journey to follow and no goal to strive for, unlike transsexuals who intend transition. This may be the wellspring from which such self-belittling comments arise.
In each case, there is no doubt that each of these people have issues with the gender role that society expects them to assume. Is it fair to call them dysphoric if they have reached an accommodation with their conflict? Those that call themselves "only" a transvestite say more about themselves than about the attitude of the rest of the gender-challenging community.
If you have an opinion about this, you can e-mail me.
Activism over trans issues often happens under the Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Trans banner. I have no opinion about peoples' sexuality, but I am very concerned that by being lumped together with groups whose sexuality is being marginalised in society, the attitude of the general public may be similarly influenced when it comes to trans people.
We all know the refrain that "Gender Identity is not Sexual Identity". We all know that the two ideas cannot be totally divorced - it's only since I started my transition that I realised how very attractive many men are. But I believe that to link the two ideas in the minds of the relatively uninformed public muddies the waters to the point where the two become indistinguishable.
I have no idea of the mental anguish that can be caused by denying one's sexual identity. I do know how intense is the turmoil caused by Gender Dysphoria. It is this that drives us to make the radical changes in our lives that we know we have to. To accept that you're gay or bi does not involve such radical upheaval to everything in your life. I'm of the opinion that the two kinds of acceptance (that you're gay and that you're trans) are not merely differences of scale, but completely different in all respects.
We should, however, never look a gift horse in the mouth: our GLB friends have held out a helping hand. It would be churlish to reject such assistance. Indeed, I am enormously grateful for the welcome that they (in the main) give us. Without their help, we would be lacking many platforms from which we can be seen (and I hope, better understood) by the uninvolved and poorly-informed public.
If you have an opinion about this, you can e-mail me.
They come in all shapes and sizes. Some I love dearly. Some give me the creeps. Why is this? Those I love dearly understand us better. The creepy ones see us as a sort of freak show. I had an encounter with one such recently who was keen on sex with me. That I didn't feel the same way about him, he completely failed to understand.
It is, in my view, very simple. I am a woman with all the innate attitudes towards sex that come with my gender. He saw me as a man with, potentially, a convenient (sorry for being so blunt) hole. Seeing me as male, he thought I would have the same, rather casual, attitude to sex that he had. That I behaved as his wife or girlfriends might do was incomprehensible to him.
Am I therefore destined to battle this male approach for the rest of my life? In my case, given that sex cannot lead to procreation, post-operatively will I be seen merely a receptacle in which men can masturbate? Am I sounding like an misanthropic lesbian? This is, I guess, an issue women have faced since time began. They learn to handle this they mature. As a "late arriving" woman, this is a yet another matter I have explicitly to learn to deal with.
If you have an opinion about this, you can e-mail me.
Page last edited: 14 November 2003