Recollection of Brother

 

 

Sitting in the grass
fashioning flocks into ridiculous images
sharing air
I expect I've memorized his life
seemed so evanescent
Finding joy in my recollections
yet feeling the pain
I was so awkward, green, unversed
he taught me how to let my empty spaces show through
fashioned my character
drew me
His lesson
look at things, not through them
the truth do not deny
oh yeah and always laugh!
For a time he feigned to be someone else ~ not himself
whether it be humiliation
or fathers' ugly man pride
He tried to be a son
A guise that was so transparent
often I found him thieving my barbies after school
his fav playing the dating game
To me his humility was beautiful
As for mother
acceptance
she taught him to thrive
Allowed his "coming out"
He then grew to be quite celebrated among friends
A question of authenticity forever crossed my mind
I believe it was not who he was
merely who he came to be
The stories he spun of the young boys waiting for angels
and the wanna be queens thinking their all that
the addictions
craving the crystal
The butt business that was played out in the alter room
Just another fucking growth experience
It was hard to take him seriously
His mixture of fact and fiction kept me quite confused
but I listened and looked forward to his every word
He cultured his emptiness
and implemented it into substance, worth
So gentle, yet strong
he guided mother to the other side
I remember that day
I trust it left him broken
Then the shadow introduced itself
One of blackened affliction
A sentence of death was granted
from previous misdeeds
A foolish youthful time ~ that superman syndrome
Nobody's perfect, right?
grief sucked him up
made him not care
He looked forward to his demise
not knowing I would die too
The laughing diva
curtains close
he whispers I'll be seeing you...