An in-depth report from our Medical Correspondent
In a shock announcement from the Bureau of Health, puppeteering has been condemned as being dangerous to your health.
This document is split into two sections: the first deals with issues about maintaining puppeteer fitness, and the second dealing with 'puppet fever'. Use this link to move directly to the second section.
It has been pointed out to us time and time again by one of our group that we ought to warm up prior to puppeteering, whether in rehearsals or performing. When we do so, we notice increased stamina, less aching and better flexibility. So: shake out those arms, do some gentle circling movements of wrists, arms and shoulders, a few squats and you should be ready for action!
Here are some other things to watch out for:
A little known medical condition, similar to housemaid's knee and tennis elbow, resulting from incorrect positioning of the elbow and arm. It is a serious condition, resulting in lasting harm to the puppet, which suffers with reduced height, and the tendency to slump during a performance. By the way, the puppeteer also has less serious complications of aching muscles and tremor in the arm part way through a sketch.
The cure is to make sure that the elbow is kept locked (i.e. straight), and the arm is kept directly above the shoulder. In this position it is possible for most people to support a couple of kilogram bags of sugar for many hours, and for some adults to support the weight of a small child for many minutes.
A chronic condition related to puppeteer's neck. Due to an inadequately tall stage, this condition presents with inflamed knees, grunts of discomfort on standing and in severe cases, holes in the outer covering of the knees (ie your trousers). This condition is treatable, but will involve much remedial work on the stage. Alternatively, attach a small cushion to each knee.
Often confused with a crick in the neck, puppeteer's neck is related in cause to puppeteer's knee. The condition is also due to a low stage, and is characterised by the head being laid to either side in an effort for the top of the head not to be seen. This can lead to permanent deformity if the wind changes direction of course. Otherwise it just leads to a sore neck after prolonged rehearsal periods.
There are several conditions that should be carefully watched for and immediately treated on discovery:
A highly contagious disease, spreading throughout Britain and the rest of the known world. Its characteristic symptoms include:
A medical term describing the breaking of stitches, usually in the skin. This too is a chronic condition affecting your wards, and should be actively looked for. In severe cases puppets have been noted to become flaccid and complain that they feel 'just like the stuffing had been knocked out of them'. Easily rectified with local strengthening stitches. Don't forget to use local anaesthetic first.
This common condition of baldness and resultant abnormal hair coloration is quite distressing to those affected. It has equal prevalence between male and female. Characteristically, animals and aliens tend not to be affected even though in close proximity to other puppets. The baldness affects all body hair, including eyebrows and other facial hair. Abnormal hair pigmentation occasionally occurs, although most seen is due to dubious choice of wigs. False eyebrows are often forgotten in preparing for a show.
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