Barnacles are fascinating creatures and interestingly can be directly linked to Morris Dancing! Charles Darwin made an exhaustive study of these gritty crustaceans and determined that they provided an excellent support for his radical evolutionary theories. He was able to demonstrate that their adhesive qualities changed over generations according to the type of environment they were exposed to; he also discovered that the male existed as a tiny parasitic creature living off the female host.
Now if Charlie had taken the time to extradite himself from the endless biopsy of slimy things he could, instead, have studied the exciting world of Morris Dancing and reached very similar conclusions. Morris Dancing has been around for at least 600 years and in that time has evolved from a poncy court dance to the highly dynamic and anarchic street theatre that you are witnessing today.
Modern Darwinists have postulated that Morris Men represent an evolutionary dead end with a culture and dress sense that directly impairs their fertility as well as their ability to secure attractive breeding mates. They survive, in a parasitic sense, by pounding the streets with an erotic ritualistic display similar to that utilised by the Great Crested Grebe to seduce and mesmerise the unsuspecting female of the species. Oddly this seems to work, with the musk, athleticism, tummy wobble, and humour providing an intoxicating aphrodisiac mix; irresistible to ladies of a certain ilk! As for adhesive qualities try separating a Morris man’s grip from his Pewter tankard filled with the amber nectar of Harvey’s Best Bitter. A grip and beer your average Barnacle would die for!
