[ Views ] - [ Mr-Spoon.com ]

Basically me regurgitating shite that I did on the 80snostalgia message board plus some day when I'm funny again I'll write something half decent.  Oh to be hateful and funny again.  I reckon that I'd be the funniest guy on the internest if I got my legs mangled by a drunken driver.  But I'd likewise be a complete fucker in real life.

Oh, and Pointless Views, how original is that...  cough cough.

One day I'll format these and put proper site navigation in.  Until then just think of the bad navigation as awfully quaint.

I only do this nonsense spouting trying to be loved, the same as everyone else who sets up a web site.  I really do see the internet as a million little hands reaching out in the electric dark all saying Love meeee.    Though anyone who puts their homepage on business cards needs to be gobbled off by an electrified swan.

They can break your arm with their wings, they can.  Honestly, a doctor told me.  He reckons that when he was in A&E they used to have hundreds of swan related broken limbs every day.  So what does the Queen do?  Eh?  She makes them a protected species; gives them carte fucking blanche to swan about destroying anybody who doesn't carry pockets full of bread.  Makes me mad, it does.  My face is flushed with anger just like the new Toilet Duck range.

Have you seen it?  It's a little electronic box filled with a sweet smelling green block that you dangle in the toilet.  When you flush, it senses the water and bellows out,

    "Get the fuck out of here!  Can't you see I'm taking a bath!?"

Flushed with anger, you see?  Understand now?  Or do I have to illustrate further?  For fuck's sake, woman, when are you going to understand!

I don't know whether the anger is uttered in a duck's voice or not, because a stream of vituperate quacking would be mostly confusing.  Unless you're Dr Doolittle, of course, but I don't think he'd stand for no lip from no fucking duck anyway.

     "I dudn't go learnin' ta speek the haminal dialect ta take no fuckin' jip from no fuckin' lav-ah-treeee!!"

said Dr Doolittle, when questioned.  In fact I think it was him that told me about the swans breaking arms in the first place.

The lying cunt.

Byeee,
    Love Spoony.  xxx
Dear Deborah: Ding! Ding!  Sex will never be the same without it
Let's Be Gay! Being a Lez-Bi-Gay Officer at university isn't all amyl nitrate and moustaches, you know!
Rumour Nation News from a lying cow.  It'll be good eventually, honest.
My Woman's Weekly Can you tell if these twee letters are real or just me being silly?
My Emails This really is beyond!  Including bits he's clipped out of his old emails - just who does he think he is?
Barbara Woodhouse: She just loves to hate the yanks.
www.80sNeuralgia.com Does anyone remember T-Bag?  Does anyone remember T-Bag?
Scaal It's a pisstake of the demo site you get with Dreamweaver and I used to link to it from the front page.  Don't bother, it's rubbish unless you're a techny-wemma.
   
Coming Soon: Thing's I'll never get around do doing.  Two times fresh!
   
Angry Shopkeeper: He hates the customers, and from there springs the humour.
Diary of a 6th Former She uses exclamation marks!!  Far too!! much!!  And puts PPS in her letters
The Dot-to-Dot Blackmailer: Pay up or I give your boss the numbers, he's already got the dots...
Cocklemen: What do these sinister vampires do in the daytime?  Are they really a hybrid of cockle and man?  Find out here, probably never.
Mr Optimist: Everything is a chance for betterment, even the loss of a limb or wife.
Tourettes Friends:

Phoebe [face and eye ticking]:  Hello, Monic', Monic', MoniCunt.  You fucking slut cocksuck' [spits in her face]
Chandler:  Is there something different about her today...?
My mother is the Shake and Vac lady: I've no idea what this is about, but you'll laugh like drains.  Perhaps someone could write it for me?  Toyah?  Jamie?  Pg?
Newspaper Vendors: Like the Angry Shopkeeper, but with weather effects!
Concerned Till-Girl: Have you got a points card?  Do you collect the points?  Oh christ - she's forgotten her receipt...  does anyone know where she lives, because I can take it round to her after work.  Do you collect the points?
The Two Rolfs: Just like Animal Hospital but with two times Rolf.
Old Wives' Tales: Now with 20% added Lies!
The Hypnotist: Funny but in a disturbing way.
John's Not Mad Well what the fuck is he then?  Look at him, he's absolutely buggery-mad-mental.
Should I not finish this now it's been done??

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