Subject:  I put this subject in last, after I'd written the actual post itself.  That's a bit like time travel, if you think about it, or the 'which came first, the chicken or the egg' thing.  But I didn't order eggs, I think that was the gentleman over there, now could you bring me my chicken, please?  Waiter: I thought you ordered eggs as a starter, madam, therefore proving that the egg came before the chicken.  Madam: are you suggesting that eggs are fully orgasmic, selfish lovers who come before the chicken and then roll over and go to sleep?  Waiter: No madam, not at all, but the egg is unable to finish the chicken off manually because it doesn't have any hands.  Madam: What about that egg, Ludwig, from the cartoon?  Waiter: You've got me there madam, and no mistake.  Madam: Yes indeed, it seems that I do your job better than you do.  Waiter: Yes, perhaps we should swap places? (Waiter and Madam exchange roles)  Waiter (now seated at table): Stop your bloody chopsing and bring me my fucking dinner!!
Date:  Mon, 11 Dec 2000 21:12:09 +0000
From:
Cuillère Boy <hello_mr_spoon@yahoo.com>
To:  "Some Whore what do fuck me sometimes" <c.u.n.t@Londonmail.com>
   

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Annoying drivel from various emails what I've done.

Yes, I do know how sad this is.  But do you ever put in subject lines like the above?  No?  Well you'd better shut up then, hadn't you, yes.  Actually I've done it quite a lot, but you've got to use it wisely, less the novelty wears off.

All emails must be in BOLD, it's the LAW!  But never all in caps, UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO APPEAR LIKE YOU'RE COMPLETELY FUCKING MENTALLLLL....  And using all lowercase is fun, because it makes you look like you're five.  Awwwwee, bless.  Oh, and the background must be either black, or dark blue because it really piddles people off with Outlook Express because they can't change the colour of their text and end up typing black on black.

Ha hahh!  Sufferrrrr!

Oh, people who press reply all the time and constantly send you back an email that you sent before the Great Fire of London* just because they're too arse lazy to type in you email address need to be stripped naked and thrown into a bath full of stingy nettles!

Any references to the board mean the message board on www.80snostalgia.com.  If I had any sense I'd take the minute bits of funnery out of these emails and make something tidy from them...  but that means doing something productive, and you can shove that up your mummy's winky socket, madam.

*(and my god - it was great!  not at all like that Crap Fire of Tenby that we had to learn about in school.  That started in Chip Alley in Cardiff, somehow)