Here are a few joke and funny stories sent to me by email in the past.
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| Aer Lingus Flight 101 was
flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot,
and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they
looked out the front window. "B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is". "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy. "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus. So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life". Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is". |
| DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS |
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| If a packet hits a pocket
on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last
resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk
abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer. . . . and be sure to tell your mom. |
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Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem;how was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now. Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check. Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. Waiter leaves. Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! The check: Soup of the Day $5.00 |