Based on the cartoon of the same name, this was more ammunition for the argument that licenses bought for budget games often turn into crap games.

The introductionary scenario sounds reasonably interesting (get R2D2 and C3P0 out of the Fromm gang's lair), but anything related to Star Wars can be made to sound interesting. Ignore the graphics on the back of the inlay, and you initially examine the tape itself.

The package is a dual-format Spectrum/Amstrad tape (one machine per tape side). There's a proper printed label, boldly displaying the game name and that it's for 'Spectrum/Amstrad'. There's no actual mention of which side is for which machine however. Call me nit-picky, but I'm sure it wouldn't have hurt to to let us know if I'm about to load the Amstrad version first, or the intended Speccy one. After a potential two attempts (one per side), the game loads.

The loading screen should be the first image that shouts 'I'm a Star Wars license! Be proud of this purchase!!'. You slowly begin to wish you'd spent your £2.99 on a formularic shoot em up. Whilst the main two characters are recognisable (in the same way that a yellow stick and a white cylinder on two posts is C3P0 and R2D2 respectively), you begin to think this wasn't the AAA-quality game that it was supposed to be.

Once loaded, the Star Wars: Droids logo that appears is surprisingly good, and even the (128K) title is listenable to. The joystick types are the usual Spectrum types and you can use (un-redefinable) keys if you want.

Here are the Good Things About Star Wars Droids: the onscreen representation of R2D2 is excellent, except for the fact that he's now yellow. R2's in-game animation: - the little there is of it - is also excellent. C3P0 is also yellow, which is the correct colour. Full points there, Binary Design (the developers of the game). Unfortunately, these Good Points didn't make the game worth the original £2.99 purchase price, nor is it worth spending time downloading (even if you have broadband).

The Bad Things About Star Wars Droids: (there are a lot, so expect some long paragraphs) C3P0's animation is rubbish. C3P0, in the films, walks somewhat camply but not like he's *ahem* 'made a mess in his pants', as this version does. In the films/cartoons/whatever, C3P0 is a camp scaredy-cat. I have seen no reference for violent behaviour. Out of the two, R2D2 is the 'aggressive', butch one. Here, C3P0 throws crystals which destroy the 'enemy' droids. (I suppose it is a bit camp, throwing crystals. Or at least the theory behind it is - see the picture for yourself). Moving swiftly on....

The 'enemy' droids deserve of a mention. Why place apostrophes around the word enemy? These are the most laughable representations of enemy droids possible, even for an 8bit computer game. By using the word marauding - as the instructions do - and that you're trying to escape from an enemy gang, it implies an aura of menace and hostility.

These droids don't do either. Most of them couldn't 'maraude' their way out a paper bag. One of them is a round, yellow, smiley face. HOW CAN YOU CLASS THAT AS BEING REMOTELY MENACING OR HOSTILE, BINARY DESIGN????

So, onto the game. This is as exciting as the enemy droids are marauding. Move C3P0 (with R2D2 automatically following) from left to right (or even vice-versa). Throw diamond-shaped crystals at unconvincing droids. Move up and down similar levels. Play the subgame.

Ah, the subgame. Bear in mind, that this is supposed to be a Star Wars game, and that being a sci-fi space opera (and at the time of development, three films to draw inspiration from).

You'd expect something along the lines of R2D2 trying to hack his way into the mainframe (perhaps represented by a painter or a maze game where you're trying to locate the codes, etc). Oh no, not in Star Wars: Droids. You get Simon (a repeat-the-pattern style game) - in the form of lightbulbs. oh please.

And don't give me 'but it's for the kids!' excuse. Kids have an even more demanding criteria for games than 'older' gamesplayers, even back in the 8bit days, not to mention now. Besides, the subgame is rubbish - you only have to follow the sequence four times. Where's the skill in that?

After a couple of goes your enthusiasm and tolerance has been zapped and you decide that the reset button is by far the best therapy (other than spending the rest of your life hunting down the other cassette tapes/.tap files so no-one else can play this banal game). *phew* - the ordeal is over.

Please don't play this crap.