Future Trends in 'Wares'
First, there was 'shareware', programs
available over the internet that you could pay for if you wish,
and 'freeware' which was free no matter how philanphropic you
felt. Now, there have been some more additions - recently
'careware' was reported, which is a program that you can download
and use, but you have to agree to be nice to people in return. So
what other types could appear?
- Dareware - you can download it,
but you have to do something outlandish in return.
- Warfareware - In return for
downloading it, you promise to kick the arse of someone
who's arse deserves kicking.
- Bareware - You can use this
program, but have to take all your clothes off first.
- Flareware - In a disco revival
mood, you have to be wearing trousers which are airy
around the ankles to use this program
- Pearware - you can download
this for free, but it's not going to work for long before
it all goes pear-shaped
- Rareware - Free to download,
but since its only of interest to two people in the
entire world and one of them wrote it, you probably won't
- Wereware - You can download it,
but the program is going to turn into a complete dog at
- Fairware - Free to download,
once you've managed to shoot three of the plastic ducks
- Glareware - This program will
have you glaring in anger at your screen very quickly
- Prayerware - You can download
it, but you'll need at least one deity on your side to
make it work.
- Scareware - Free to download,
but it'll scare the shit out of you at random moments.
- Hairware - No cost to download,
except that the author is fed up of people making fun of
his hairdo, and insists you change yours to the same.
- Tearware - you can run it for
nothing, but it'll have you tearing your hair out trying
to get it to work properly.
- Au contraireware - Does exactly
the opposite of what it claims to do.
- Snareware - Once you've
downloaded it, you'll discover that although the program
was technically free, your soul is now owned by a
Mr B. Gates of Seattle.
- Wherewere - You could download
this for free, except you can't find the actual link to
- Nightmareware - Dowloading this
program will cause you bad dreams for weeks to come.
- TonyBlairware - Great graphics,
cool sounds, but in fact it not only utterly fails to do
what it claimed it would, it's merely a repackaging of an
old piece of software that everyone threw out in disgust
as soon as they could replace it.
Any comments can be forwarded to me here, where they will in all probability be ignored.
Last updated on 29 May 2001