Relationships

Acknowledging the problem
Legal issues
Moving on
Help and Resources

Relationships can be fleeting or lifelong. Many gay relationships last as long or longer than those of hetrosexual couples and from December 2005 in England and Wales, the Civil Partnership bill offers same sex couples similar rights as their straight counterparts. For free advice and details of the implications of the new act you can contact your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau or access a fact sheet at Citizens Advice

The break up of any relationship can be an upsetting experience that can result in mental distress. Feelings of deception, rejection and desertion may start a spiral of self criticism leading to loss of self worth, a sense of failure and feeling that we are unlovable. When a relationship runs in to trouble, a straight couple can turn to their family for support or to marriage guidance counselors whilst an LGB couple are likely to have greater difficulty in finding such support; for example, they may feel unable to seek help from parents who have rejected them.

Acknowledging the problem
There are many reasons why relationships breakdown but whatever the problem the first step to dealing with it is acknowledging it. MIND's booklet 'How to Cope with Relationship Breakdown' offers useful advice. The points made in the leaflet about disappointment, infidelity, sex and violence make sense for LGB couples just as for anyone else. Having acknowledged a problem, perhaps the next step might be talking to a friend before seeking professional help. Don't forget that if you are not ready to talk face to face with anyone you can call 24 hour helplines like the London Gay Switchboard or the Samaritans; Broken Rainbow offers a helpine service for LGBT people who have suffered domestic violence. For details of helpines see Help and Resources below. You can also find online support on the Internet at some of the sites suggested beneath.

Moving on
The MIND leaflet already mentioned has helpful sections on how to move on after a relationship. It is important to recognize and acknowledge how you feel. These may include negative feelings of being abandoned and that you will never be loved again. Expressing any anger you may feel could help to promote self esteem and prevent you from sinking into depression. Talking to others who have been through a similar situation can be very helpful and allow you to take stock of your identity and see positive ways of moving forward. No one should suffer maltreatment either mental or physical in a relationship.

Legal issues
In the UK a same sex partnership now have similar rights and responsibilitues as a 'straight' marriage since December 2005. Canada, Holland, Belgium and Spain, already offer same sex partnerships equal rights to those of a heterosexual marriages including those of adoption and fostering of children.