Unfortunately the stuff I write tends to involve evil dolphins, violence against women, prehistoric genocide, Aztec cannibals, the Holy Foreskin of Our Lord, perverse sex, and cruel humour at the expense of Diana, Princess of our Hearts.
Nice, misguided people have actually published my work. They probably didn't read it too closely first, the poor things. A full bibliography is listed below for people who enjoy reading long lists of other people's work and explaining to girls at parties how 10BaseT cable actually works. For the rest of you, I have included a number of works which are so abominable that no-one will agree to publish them.
Things people published in moments of weakness
Things nobody in their right mind will ever publish
The Incomplete Expurgated Archives of the Reverend Colonel Ignatius Von Berlitz
All this, however, is merely the loathsome, gelatinous tip of a vast and ichorous iceberg of unpublished material, consisting of short stories, TV and radio scripts, and SF and fantasy novels for all ages and occasions. Should you wish to receive manuscripts with a view to publication, feel free to contact me. However, if you are a vanity publisher, it is only fair to inform you that I will track you down, kill you, and eat your children.