ANIMAL PRAGMATISM

EPISODE RATING
5/10

PLOT

Phoebe is at college listening to a professor talking about mating rituals whilst eyeing up a cute guy, Ethan.  Three girls sitting behind her are whispering something and discussing the book of love spells one of them has got.  As the class breaks up, Phoebe tells them that the spell they're looking at is backwards and offers up a corrected one instead, claiming that she's doing a paper on the subject.  She hands them a flier for the Valentine's party at P3, as well giving Ethan one, "because I'll be there."

In their dorm room, Andrea, Brooke and Tessa have got a pig, a rabbit and a snake inside a pentagram that's been drawn on the floor.  They try the spell from the book, but it doesn't work.  Andrea then remembers that Phoebe corrected it and replays her tape recording of the lecture, which includes Phoebe reciting the 'proper' spell.  To the girls' astonishment, the three animals are transformed into three guys.

At the Manor, Piper notes that Prue is slouching around the house and enjoying her life of leisure.  Prue is determined to do nothing at all, while Piper is worried about Valentine's Day - Dan wants her to have dinner with him, but then there's Leo...

In the girls dorm room, the pig is looking for food, while the rabbit emerges from a bedroom after seeing "another satisfied customer."  The snake takes charge and the three venture outside the room, where they discover everyone else is wearing clothes.  At the end of the corridor, they run into Ethan and take his laundry basket.

Piper is preparing for Valentine's Day at P3.  Leo gives him some flowers, apologising that it was the best he could do.  She hands him his first pay cheque - in cash since she thought it would be easier - and asks if he's doing okay.  He is - sort of.

Dan arrives and gives Piper a huge spray of flowers.  He notices Leo and asks Piper if there's something she wants to tell him.  She apologises for not mentioning it, but Leo is just helping out.  Piper thinks it's no big deal, but Dan disagrees - it was Leo's name she called out when she was sick.

At home, Prue soon finds that the life of leisure can be boring.  Phoebe calls and tells her that Andrea, Brooke and Tessa didn't show up.  While she's talking to her sister, she sees the pig throwing a bunch of hot dogs into the air to free them.  Then she sees the rabbit hassling a girl.  Intervening, she has a premonition of a guy biting a girl.  Phoebe gives chase but rounding a corner she's surprised to see the guy has made an improbable leap.

At P3, Prue is discussing Valentine's Day with Piper when Phoebe shows up and tells her sisters what she saw, although she's forced to admit that the guy could have climbed a ladder.

Tessa wants to turn the guys back to animals.  They then realise that the spell will only last for 12 more hours and want to stay human.  Andrea weakens.  Brooke shows them the P3 flyer Phoebe gave them, but they don't want to wait.  Andrea has the class roster which has Phoebe's address.

In a card shop, Phoebe is helping Piper choose a card for Leo when she sees a book of spells.  Realising what she might have done, she tells Piper she has to go and meet Prue.  Piper chooses a card for a dear friend but doesn't see Leo choosing one with the message "always" which she had earlier rejected.

At P3, she follows a trail of rose petals which lead her to Dan, who's managed to find a wine called "Piper."  He initially thinks the card "to a dear friend on Valentine's Day" is for him, but when he reads it he realises that it's for Leo he tells her that he's not sure Leo sees her as just a friend.

Having left Tessa behind, the animals break into the Manor and discover that they're turning back into animals.  Andrea realises that Tessa was right all along and the snake bites first her and then Brooke.  There is now only four hours until they turn back to animals and four hours until the girls die.  The snake thinks this will motivate Phoebe into helping them.  He scents her from the flyer, but she's not at home.  After the pig objects, the other two kill him.

At the dorm, Prue uses her power to unlock the door and she and Phoebe hear a noise coming from a cupboard, where they find Tessa tied up and dumped in a shopping cart.

At the Manor, Tessa admits that they changed the guys from animals.  Prue notices the broken front door just as Phoebe is hunting for something in the kitchen.  She opens a cupboard and the body of the pig falls out.  Tessa tells them that it's Phoebe they're after and that they will have gone to P3.

The snake and rabbit flag down a car and then transfer the girls from the boot of their old car to the one they've just carjacked.

Prue calls Piper at P3 to warn her.  Leo offers to help, but Piper doesn't want him to know that he's lost his wings.  Dan arrives and thinks that Piper is going to cry off as usual, but she tells him to wait at the bar.

The snake and rabbit arrive, looking for Phoebe, followed by Phoebe, Prue and Tessa.  Phoebe starts working on a spell while Piper tells them that she's suspicious of a guy who's been asking after Phoebe, until Prue recognises him as Ethan and tells her sister that he's Phoebe's date.

Morris shows up to tell them that there's a trail of trouble heading straight to P3.  Tessa spots the two guys and Phoebe knows that she's been spotted.  As she starts casting the spell, Prue astral projects to prevent Morris shooting the two guys - they need to keep them human in order to find Andrea and Brooke.  Phoebe finishes her spell and except for the three sisters, the whole club turns into animals.

As Phoebe tries to write a new spell, Prue remembers the stolen car parked outside.  Piper remembers that the cops are on their way as Phoebe remembers her premonition of the snake biting the girl.  They take the boxes containing the rabbit and snake outside, leaving Phoebe to finish her spell.

They find Andrea and Brooke in the boot of a car and Phoebe reverses the spell.  The animals also change back into humans.  Prue uses her powers against them and after Piper freezes the rabbit, she suggests moving him next to the snake and having the snake bite him.  Prue has a better idea and has Morris arrest them instead.

Afterwards, Prue reflects that having a job made the whole Charmed Ones thing less stressful, but is determined to find a career she's interested in.

Piper tells Dan that she needs to make sure he can deal with her lifestyle and they head off for dinner.  She returns, having forgotten her purse and sees a card from Leo with the message that she's not giving up on her.  Piper then sees herself kissing Leo before reality clicks in and she sees him tidying up the club.  She leaves for her dinner with Dan.

CAST

Christopher Wiehl played Buffy's date Owen Thurman in Never Kill a Boy on the First Date and Nat Helier in Dark Skies: The Last Wave.  Katie Johnston played Martia as a child in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

CONTINUITY

Dan refers to Piper being sick in Awakened and calling out Leo's name.

THE BOOK OF SHADOWS

Phoebe corrects Andrea, Brooke and Tessa's spell: "From strike of twelve count twenty four, That's how long the spell is for, If to abate my lonely heart, Enchant these gifts I thee impart."

Her spell (which backfires) to reverse this: "Something wicked in our midst, In human forms these spirits dwell, 'Make them animals,' Sayeth the spell."

She changes everyone back to human with: "Undo the magic acted here, Reverse the spell so all is clear."

THE POWER OF THREE

A bored Prue moves a vase around at the Manor.  More important telekinesis is on show when she opens the door to the girls' room at the dorm and opens the stolen car boot.  During the fight outside P3 she tells the rabbit, "Piss off, Thumper" before slamming him into a wall before throwing the snake and Piper (who he's holding) against the wall as well.

Piper freezes P3 to help Phoebe concentrate on her spell.

Phoebe has a premonition of a girl being bitten by a guy.

NOTES

When Prue and Piper are discussing Prue's day, Valentine's Day is "tomorrow", but it has to be Valentine's Day already since the animals are only human for 24 hours.

COMMENTS

Buffy managed to produce a classic Valentine's Day episode in Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, so it's disappointing that Charmed comes up with the decidedly average Animal Pragmatism.

For a series that doesn't go in for that much continuity, there's a fair bit (the Dan/Piper/Leo triangle and Prue having left Buckland's), but the story itself is pretty uninteresting.  Brooke in might be fairly cute, but we don't have any sympathy for her and her friends as they've brought it all upon themselves.  Prue's "piss off, Thumper" line is great, but it's a rare highlight (and Holly Marie Combs seems to stumble over her lines when she suggest moving the rabbit and snake next to one another).

Back to the top