Guide to a Seven Day Relationship

When most people enter a relationship. they usually hope for a couple of things; that they'll be happy, the sex'll be great, and it will last (both the sex and the relationship). But when you look at the usual running patterns for most lesbian relationships it becomes quite obvious that ties which held couples together for many-a-year could easily be squashed into seven days, therefore leaving you more time for added 'loves of your life' rather than devoting months and years on end to something which will probably just end anyway. Why only have one woman fall for you when you can have hundreds? Here's how:

Day 1 (Saturday)
Saturday seems to be a pretty popular day for relationships to begin, so we'll start our journey here. You will, off course, have to leave the house. Heading towards somewhere you know lesbians hang out is also going to increase your chances - honestly, it will. If they serve alcohol where you choose to go, drink lots and encourage any woman you find even the slightest bit attractive to do the same. This way both of you will gradually develop into goddesses by the end of the evening and you will never have met anyone with whom you share so much in common. Hell, it's almost like talking to yourself. She will be amazing, take her home if you can.

Day 2 (Sunday)
If you have taken her home no doubt you have spent all night exploring every inch of each other's personalities and bodies, searching for flaws and hang-ups you might disapprove of. With a hangover the only thing you'll be glad to notice is that she hasn't threw up all over the bed and you remembered to make it to the bathroom before peeing. She is your perfect partner. Everything seems so right.

Day 3 (Monday)
If Sunday went to plan today is the day you should ask her to move in with you or, at the very least, give her a key to your house/flat and car if you have one. After all, she is so perfect and you got on so well on Saturday night and Sunday why shouldn't you want to spend every minute of your time together. This is a good move and if you've chosen well she will already be trailing you to her house to pack her bag and collect Tiddles. When you return you will spend all night talking about what a great decision this is and how the two of you won't let it be like all those other relationships and make this one work. You will probably have sex all night vowing that every night will be like this.

Day 4 (Tuesday)
Just coming up to the midway point in your new relationship and things might start to slow down a bit, but don't worry. You can convince yourself that it's just the upheaval and change of the pas few days which has left you both exhausted. Tomorrow everything will be fine again. You might have sex tonight, but don't count on it.

Day 5 (Wednesday)
By around midday you'll start to realise that you have not had sex what feels like some time. Both of you will probably feel that this is the other persons fault and you will want to have a huge screaming row followed by make up sex.

Day 6 (Thursday)
You will start to remember al the things she screamed at you yesterday and all the things you wanted to say but thought that they would be too cruel. You wished you had've spoken your mind and you can feel the resentment building inside of you ready to explode. Why did she have to change? Bitch to friends about 'her indoors'.

Day 7 (Friday)
Today will be the final day of your relationship. You just can't stand being around her, you have nothing in common and you don't even find her all that attractive anyway. She's such a bitch now, nothing like she used to be when you first met her. She used to be soft and caring, attentive and sweet. Now she just ignores you or picks on every little thing that you do. She never listens to you and you may as well be talking to yourself. You doubt you'll ever speak to her again.

(Additional Day 8 Saturday)
Today you might want to head out to somewhere lesbians are likely to hang out in a bid to get over your broken heart. It is likely that your very recent ex will be there too but don't panic. You will become best friends just before you leave with your new woman and in about five days you'll be bitching to her about the way your latest love has changed from the perfect little creature you picked up on Saturday into a lesbian Lecter.

And that's how to fit a whole lesbian relationship into one single week. Simple.