Sexuality is usually something you discover and explore as you approach and enter adolescence, but what happens when your true sexual identity remains hidden, suppressed or locked away until later in life? Denial versus self-acceptance, put in simple terms it seems, well, simple. To some, the development of sexual feelings for members of the same sex is seen as no more than a temporary state, a phase, but to the majority, it is a life-altering revelation.

Truly accepting your newfound bisexuality requires a firm understanding of your self. As a species, the human 'norm' has been to dictate your choices throughout your life. You are Jane who has found her Tarzan. No one will deny that it is daunting to stand up and declare that you quite like his sister as well.

Accept that human sexuality is not black and white. Accept that only you will know your true sexual identity. Accept that you are allowed to love regardless of gender. Accept that sexuality is not a choice. Accept yourself. Once you allow yourself to acknowledge these facts, you can begin to feel comfortable with your life.

Discovering or accepting your bisexuality later in life brings with it added concerns. There is every chance that you are firmly identified as a heterosexual and in a committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex. When combined with the fears you are naturally experiencing in our homophobic society, the possibility of losing your partner can feel unbearable. Don't rush blindly out of the closet. Test the water with your partner, manoeuvre your normal viewing to programs with homosexual content and introduce homosexual people into your life, then probe your partner for a reaction. Normally, if you have been with him for any length of time, you will have some idea of his views on homosexuality, but raising the subject in a light-hearted manner may help to reassure you that the time is right to come out.

Ashleigh, 23, who lives in the unfortunately bigotry-ridden Belfast, faced the ordeal of a sexuality which developed later on in life. In a stable relationship with Mark, with whom she has two children, she began to notice her feelings towards women changing. Having a partner and children, her biggest fear was being a 'fully-fledged' lesbian and the repercussions this would have for her relationship. Questioning Mark's views on every aspect of human sexuality, she found that she was lucky enough to be with a man who held no prejudices and was perfectly comfortable in the company of homosexuals.

Ashleigh felt she had no choice but to tell Mark and she was pleasantly surprised at his reaction. While he couldn't stand back and watch as she explored her sexuality with women, he gave the opportunity to 'take a break' from the relationship to discover what she really wanted. He eliminated the need for Ashleigh to have a sexual relationship while she was still with him, but gave her the security of always being there for her - whatever she decided. "It was a brave step," Ashleigh admits, "but he appreciated my honesty even though I was terrified of telling him. It doesn't matter how 'open-minded' your partner is, there is always that fear that they will leave. I just had to be honest, with him and myself, and everything is better for it. Parts of my life I was always confused about, pieces of the puzzle which didn't seem to fit, suddenly fell into place and I felt a lot lighter in myself. I would tell anyone to trust their partner and the strength of their relationship, it only gets harder the longer you leave it."

It will be easy to talk yourself out of revealing your 'secret' but how can you have a complete relationship with your partner if you withhold such an important part of yourself? Your partner will have many questions and you should arm yourself with the answers you want to give. Confidence as you defend your sexuality will make your partner more likely to accept that it isn't just a phase. If your partner wants to take time to think, come to terms and make decisions, give him that time. Don't force it; your partner will come to you when they feel comfortable talking about an issue which is perhaps as frightening to them as it is to you. Just remind him that you love regardless of gender, and it is him that you love. Your bisexuality does not mean you will be unfaithful, your moral code will dictate that.

Openness, honesty and trust are the foundations of a successful relationship. Once you have been honest with yourself, the time is right to be honest with your partner. If he can't love you for you, is he really the one you want?